Pairing: Buffy/Giles, Xander/Anya Rating: PG (sorry, gg, I just couldn't get it to tweak higher) Spoilers: Not really. Set sometime in S5ish. And if you've seen even one episode of Trading Spaces... well, you should know plenty to get you through. Summary: Two teams of Scoobies take the Trading Spaces challenge... but will the buildings be left standing when they're through? Author's Note: This comes to you courtesy of a challenge set by GG the Slayer for a Buffy/Trading Spaces crossover with a twist of B/G loving. Thanks for the silly inspiration! WARNING: Character death... albeit offstage and of a nature not to induce tears of grief. Dedication: To GG the Slayer, for the inspiration. To MamaDword for the beta and her constant support. And to all of you out there as hopelessly addicted to these kamikaze decorating shows as I am. Camera pans along a quiet, tree-lined street. Paige, wearing an unflattering hoochie mama shirt and low-cut jeans, grins widely at the audience. Paige: Hi! I'm Paige Davis. Welcome to another episode of Trading Spaces, the show where two sets of neighbors switch houses to redecorate one room in each other's homes. Today we're in Sunnydale, California, a small town with big aspirations. Despite its low population, Sunnydale is the cemetery capital of the West Coast with twelve places to be buried within the city's very small limits. Let's just hope our designers don't bury our teams in details, because they've got just two days and a thousand dollars to bring their designs to life. Scene cuts to shot of Buffy, Giles, Xander and Anya playing a carefully staged game of touch football. Giles looks less than enthusiastic. Anya keeps mugging for the camera. Only Buffy and Xander seem to be interested in the game. Everyone looks aghast when Buffy accidentally deflates the ball with an extra-hard pass. Paige: Buffy Summers wants to kill the boring design in her bedroom. She's enlisted the help of longtime friend Rupert Giles to bring her dreams to life. Xander Harris and his girlfriend Anya Jenkins want to resurrect their living room so they can hold the lively parties they both love. To help them find new life in old rooms, we've brought along designers Hildi Santo-Tomas and Doug Wilson... Scene cuts again to a cemetery. Hildi and Doug stand beside an open grave pretending to cry. Ty pops out of the grave wearing fake vampire teeth. Hildi and Doug pretend to be scared. Nobody is convinced. Paige: ...along with the carpentry skills of Ty Pennington. You can be sure he'll be the life of the party. Cut to Buffy and Giles sitting side by side on her bed. Buffy: We both like a lot of sagey greens, off-whites, browns, and restful colors. I don't spend a lot of time in this room, but when I'm here, I just want to forget everything and pretend I don't have the world depending on me. Giles: Buffy needs a place where she can find some peace. I'd like to see it look cheerful when it's done. (He smiles softly at her, she blushes slightly and turns back to the camera) Buffy: I think Xander understands what I want, pretty well, though I'm a little nervous about Anya. I think they'll give me a nice room. I hope. The only thing that's off limits is my chest... I mean trunk. Nobody touches that. Beyond that, I don't care too much what they do as long as it looks nice, and maybe a little romantic. Cut to Anya and Xander in his living room. Paige: Xander and Buffy have been friends since high school, and Anya works for Rupert in his New Age store. Xander: I dunno, I guess Anya's kinda bored with the look in here. Interior design doesn't mean that much to me, but she does. Anya: It's horrible in here. There are tools and old roadsigns on the walls. And his laundry sits in a pile for weeks until he has no more clean underwear... Xander: (cutting her off) An, they're not doing the bedroom. They're doing this room. Just don't do anything that will break my lease and get me evicted. Please. I trust Buffy and Giles, but from what Anya's told me, I'm not so sure about this Hilda person. Cut to Buffy and Giles entering Xander's apartment. Hildi stands on the sofa in her high-heeled mules. Hildi: Hi! Come on in! What do you think of this place? Is it bad or what? Buffy shrugs uncomfortably. Giles studies his shoes. Buffy: Well... it's not *that* bad. Hildi: It's terrible! Too bright and airy, too early Salvation Army, and not enough sophistication. Not enough me. She strikes a pose on the couch. Buffy and Giles look unimpressed. Hildi jumps down. Hildi: So, what would you like to see in this room? Giles: Well, Xander and Anya both like bright colors. Hildi: So you want to see color, right? Buffy: Yeah. Color is good. Hildi kneels on floor next to a can of paint. Hildi: Great, because I've got some really strong color for you. Opens can. Buffy flinches. Giles takes off his glasses and cleans them vigorously. Buffy: Black? Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Doug is discovered rooting through Buffy's underwear drawer. He holds up a bright pink thong and pretends to use it as a slingshot. Xander and Anya enter. Xander gapes. Anya covers his eyes so he can't see Buffy's underwear. Doug: Hey, you made it. So what do you think of these? (dangles panties in front of his team) I'm guessing this Buffy is a pretty wild person. Do you know if she has any edible stuff in that drawer? Anya: Do you have permission to look in Buffy's underwear drawer? I didn't think you were allowed to do that. Doug: I'm a professional designer; I can do anything I want. (puts panties in pants pocket) So, this room. What do you guys want to see in here? Xander: Well, it's Buffy's bedroom, so I'd like to see something... y'know... sorta calm but happy. Someplace she can just chill out and think some happy thoughts. Maybe have a friend or two around. Doug: A friend or *two*? Wow! She's an animal. Anya: Actually, she's very repressed. Doug: Well, I've got the perfect look for this room. We're gonna bring in some color and some pattern, do new window treatments, completely change the bed, and the first thing to go is this stripey wallpaper. It's dull, it's bland, and it's outta here. Let me show you what's coming in its place. (Grabs paint can, opens it. Pours some into paint tray.) Xander: Um... I'm not so sure about that, Doug. Anya: You can't use that color. Buffy will hate it. She would never choose that color. Doug:(tossing paint can lid across room and stomping) Well what's the point of having me here if you're just going to do what she wants? What about what you want? Xander: I wear a vest that color at work. I don't want to paint a room that shade of orange. Cut to Paigecam. Buffy is painting Xander's walls black and looking very unhappy. Paige: (VO) I heard you were not happy about this color. Is that right? Buffy: We're way beyond unhappy, Paige. Xand's gonna kill us. Paige: Do you think you'll like it better when you see the rest of the plan for the room? Giles: (off-camera) No. Buffy: Well, we haven't seen the rest of the plan, but if it starts with black paint, I don't think Xander's gonna like it. Cut to Hildi conferring with Ty. She sits on his workbench dangerously close to the chop saw he's still using. Hildi: Turn that stupid thing off and listen to what I need for my room. Ty: (not stopping) What? I can't hear you over my saw! You're gonna have to talk a little louder! Hildi pretends to laugh, unplugs saw roguishly. Hildi: So, here's what I need... Ty: (pretending to be confused at the saw not working... or is he really pretending?) Uh-oh! No saw. (Mugs shamelessly at camera as he searches for the reason the saw no longer works) Well, I guess that means I can't do your projects. Sorry, Hildi. Hildi: I could go hire a beaver, I guess. Ty: (mugging, pretending to have beaver teeth) Let me at your beaver. No, really, I think I can take him. He's only a woodland creature. Hildi: Anyway, I need a coffee table, but it's a special shape. (shows Ty sketch) See, it's in the shape of vampire fangs, 'cause I saw the movie last week. Y'know, with Frank Langella, and I thought his teeth would make a real sexy table. Ty: So you're going for a sexy vampire theme? Hildi: Yeah! Isn't it great? He's gonna love it. Ty: What if he doesn't? Hildi: (doing bad Bela Lugosi impression) Then I'll suck his blood. Cut to Doug and his team. Doug: Okay, gather around, people. I'm gonna show you the next step. Xander and Anya sit on the floor and look warily at Doug. Anya: It isn't more orange, is it? Doug: No, it's not more orange! Would I do that? Anya: Yes, I believe you would. Doug: Have you been talking to Paige? She's got me all wrong. (laughs at his own 'joke'; nobody laughs with him) Anyway, I'm gonna show you the fabrics, and you'll see there's a method to my madness. (unfurls cloth) Okay, here's the new blinds.... Xander: Purple? With safety orange? Isn't that a little... loud? Doug: What do you mean? Xander: Well, this is Buffy's bedroom. She sleeps in here. These colors aren't very restful. Anya: They'll give her nightmares, and she already gets enough of those. Doug: They won't give her nightmares. Orange and purple is fun. Trust me, she'll love it. Xander: You don't know Buffy. Doug: I know she'll love my room. You have to see everything together before you'll love it. Anya: Can we see the whole plan so we can start loving it? Doug: No. Cut to Sewing World. Hildi sits Buffy down in front of a sewing machine. Hildi: Have you ever sewn curtains before? Buffy: No. I've never threaded a needle before. Hildi: It'll be a piece of cake. Trust me. (Plops many yards of blood red fabric in Buffy's lap) Isn't that fabulous? Buffy: Black and red. You know, I'm not sure about this for Xander. He's not so big on these colors. Hildi: He'll love them before I'm done. It's a classic combination. Now, just sew these into floor-length drapes, and you'll see. It'll be the best room your friend has ever lived in. Vampires are sexy. Buffy: Vampires? We're doing a vampire room? But Xander hates vampires. Hildi: Nobody hates vampires. Anne Rice made a fortune off people not hating vampires. Your friend just doesn't understand that he loves vampires yet. Buffy: Xander ki... doesn't read Anne Rice. Hildi: I'll lend him my copy, then. Get sewing! Cut to Carpentry World. Ty is pretending to eat a large sheet of MDF. Xander enters frame. Xander: Doug sent me out here to help you with some project he won't tell me about. What am I supposed to do? Ty: Oh, hi, I was just eating my lunch! Want some? (offers Xander MDF. Xander takes it, but doesn't bite) Xander: No thanks, I just ate. Maybe later. I could use some more fiber in my diet.(pulls out safety goggles) What are we making? Ty: Well, Doug wants me to build him a big ol' banquette seating thingie. Xander: Where's that gonna go? I don't think there's room with the bed and everything. Ty: I don't design the rooms, I just build stuff. Maybe he thinks she'll sleep on the banquette. Xander shakes his head skeptically. Cut to Giles finishing the painting in Xander's living room. His expression is grim. Hildi flounces in. Giles: Are we going to paint the ceiling? Hildi: Of course not. I have a much better idea for it, which I'll tell you about later. Right now I want to show you our art project. She spreads out a series of black and white photographs on the floor. Giles peers at them curiously. Hildi: I had these pictures taken of parts of my body, and we're gonna do a little touch-up, and frame them, then put them in a really neat arrangement on the wall over there. (points to location. Giles looks concerned.) Giles: These are parts of... of your body? Hildi: Yeah. Aren't they great? Giles: What parts, precisely? Hildi: (ignoring him) Now what we're going to do is take this red Sharpie(producing felt-tipped pen) and draw little bitemarks on all the parts of my body. Giles: Excuse me, did you say 'bite marks'? Hildi: Yeah. Bite marks. 'Cause they're so sexy. Giles looks appalled. Cut to Doug. Anya comes in bearing bright purple Roman blinds. Sees Doug standing in the paint tray in his bare feet. Anya: What are you doing? That's very unhygenic. Doug: I always like to leave a little something of myself in the room. Anya: Please tell me it isn't athlete's foot. Doug: What is wrong with you? Why do you keep fighting everything I try to do? Anya: Because it's ugly and Buffy will hate it. Doug: (Handing Anya a gallon of purple paint) Look, just pour that in the tray and I'll show you what we're doing with it. Anya: Are you getting out of the tray? Doug: No. That's the point. I'm leaving my literal footprints in this room. Anya takes the paint and dumps it over Doug's head. Cut to Buffy and Giles alone in Xander's living room. Buffy: (nearly in tears) It's a disaster. Xand will think we did this on purpose. Giles: He'll have to know this wasn't your idea. Now don't upset yourself, Buffy. (Draws her into his arms) It's okay. Hildi and Paige enter the room. Hildi: Hey! Break it up, you lovebirds! Buffy jumps back and wipes her eyes surreptitiously. Giles glares at Hildi. Paige: (looking around room) Oh my gosh! This looks so great. Buffy: It looks like death! I'm giving one of my best friends a room that... that ought to be embalmed! One of the reasons he chose this place was the great view, and now the curtains completely cover it up, and you glued them to the window so he can't even open them. Paige: So you don't think he'll learn to like it? I'm sure once he gets used to it.... Giles: Gets used to it? How does one get used to living in a cave? Hildi: It's a whole design concept. Trust me, in a couple years, everybody will have living rooms like this. Now, what I want you to do for homework tonight, hang the photographs, touch up any spots on the walls that need it, put on the slipcover on the sofa (hauls out blood red slipcover, hands it to Giles), and Ty's bringing in the coffee table so you can sand, prime, and paint it. I left a chart for the colors for that with him, so just follow it and it'll be fantastic. Then you can put this up (hands Buffy ceiling fan). Giles: And that's all you expect of us, is it? Hildi: Well, I was gonna give you a couple more things, but I have to leave something for tomorrow. Buffy: I don't want to do any of this. How much clearer can I make this? Xander. Is. Going. To. Hate. This. Room. Hildi: But you love it. Buffy: No, I don't. I hate it. Giles hates it. You're the only one who likes it. Paige: I'm sure you'll like it better when it's all in place. Hildi: Well, I love it. So, get your homework done before you go to bed. Hildi and Paige leave. Buffy's chin wobbles. Giles drops slipcover, takes ceiling fan from Buffy, places it out of harm's way, and hugs her. Giles: (glaring at camera) We'd like some privacy, please. Shut that damn thing off. Cut to Xander and Anya in Buffy's bedroom. Xander: You did what? Anya: I dumped a can of paint on his head. Xander: An... I don't think that's allowed. We agreed to do this show, and we agreed to play by the rules. I'm sure there's a rule about not painting the designer. Anya: It was a stupid, unattractive and possibly unhealthy idea. Besides, he's very arrogant. And mean. Xander: But... but being on this show was your idea, remember? You must have known we could get this guy. Anya: I thought we'd get one of the nice ones, like Vern or Frank. Doug reminds me of many of the men I punished back when I was a... (notices camera is still running)... drill sergeant. In the army. Paige enters bearing an armload of items for the room Paige: Well, Doug... had an emergency, and he had to leave, but he left instructions for your homework. (juggles items) Okay, you're supposed to paint purple footprints on the walls, prime and paint the banquette orange, paint the ceiling purple, and put up the blinds. Oh, and if you have time, he wants you to put this up. (hands Xander green glass globe-shaped lighting fixture) Xander: Green. Finally, a color Buffy likes. Day 1/Day 2 graphic. Hildi arrives wearing dark glasses and a large-brimmed hat. Douses a suspicious puff of smoke as she enters apartment. Hildi: Hi! You guys look like you didn't get much sleep. Buffy: About the usual, I guess. Giles: We spent the time productively. Hildi: (looking around herself) Well, I don't know what you were producing, but it sure wasn't this room. We're way behind now. We may not have time for the fan. Buffy: I've seen this show. I still can't believe you were going to put up a ceiling fan. Hildi: Well, yeah, but I haven't hit my quota for taking ceiling fans down this season, so it wasn't gonna stay. Now, we won't have time and I'll have to fit it in someplace else. But the good news is, I can return it and we'll save some on the budget and maybe we can give your friend a complete set of Anne Rice books to go with the room. Giles: No, I don't think so. Hildi: Sure we will. It'll be terrific. Buffy: We took a poll last night, and the vote was unanimous: we don't like this design, we know Xander's gonna hate it, and we know Anya's gonna hate it. That makes four to one, Hildi. We're undoing this room. Now, you can help us, or you can get out of our way, but those are your only two choices. Paige: But you guys agreed to work with the designer. Hildi: I'm doing something exciting here. Your friend is going to love this room when I get done with it. Giles: You don't seem to understand; you *are* done with it. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Xander and Anya are working hard... but the room looks very different, indeed. The walls are now painted a soft, sagey green, the floor is hardwood stained a warm, honey color. Soft piles of fabric in sagey greens, ivory and pale peach lie on the floor ready to be sewn. Paige: Wow! This is amazing. But it doesn't look very much like it did yesterday when I left. Are you sure you followed Doug's instructions? Xander: No, we didn't. We went on this show to give Buffy a bedroom she'll love. That's what we're doing. Anya: Nobody could sleep in a room painted safety orange and purple. Studies have proven this. Paige: But, but how did you do all this in just one night? Anya: Oh... just some old contacts of mine. Paige: But what about budget? You have to have gone way over already and the room's not done yet. Xander: Don't worry about that. (wraps arm around Anya's shoulders; beams proudly) My girl's got some amazing talents up her sleeve. Anya: (looking up at Xander, puzzled) I thought we weren't going to talk about our sex life on national television. Cut to a very disgruntled Buffy and Giles scraping paint off Xander's living room walls. Hildi bats at Giles. Hildi: Stop it! You can't do this! I'm the designer! Giles:(turns and glares) Well, we're your worst nightmare; people who refuse to be cowed simply because you waltz in here and tell us your taste is superior to ours. We know our friends, and we know what they like, and this bloody well isn't it. Buffy: Ignore her, Giles. We don't have time to argue. We're never gonna get the job done at this rate. Hildi: Of course you're not gonna get it done. You're going backwards! (hauls Giles up my his collar) Leave my design alone! Buffy: (jumping to her feet) And you leave Giles alone! Hildi morphs into game face and tosses Giles across the room. Turns to face Buffy. Buffy: Giles! Hildi punches Buffy and knocks her down. Buffy kicks Hildi's feet out from under her and jumps up. Kicks Hildi in the face while she's down. Doesn't notice Giles slowly getting to his feet in the corner behind her. Buffy: Like my design, Hildi? Hildi: I don't like anything about you, Slayer. Hildi lunges past Buffy and grabs Giles, taking him into the next room. Giles: (off-camera) Buffy! Stake! Buffy looks around in panic, but can't find a stake. Grabs a paintbrush with a point at the end of the handle. Buffy: Giles! Catch! Tosses paintbrush into next room at unnatural velocity. Waits nervously. Sounds of battle from next room. Buffy grimaces. Buffy: Hang on, Giles! I'm coming in there! Just as she takes the first step, Giles emerges from the next room. His hair is rumpled, his shirt torn, his glasses askew. There is a small wound on his neck. He dusts himself off. Giles: Well, that was invigorating. Buffy launches herself into his arms, sniffling against his neck. Buffy: Giles, Giles! Giles: I'm alright, Buffy. It's okay. Giles continues to make soothing noises and rub her back comfortingly. Embrace continues for embarrassing length of time. At last, Buffy looks up at Giles. Giles looks down at Buffy. She blinks. He blinks back. She pulls his head down and kisses the stuffing out of him. He kisses her back. Paige walks in. Paige: Ohmigod! Stop that! You don't have time to do that. Where's Hildi? Buffy: (jumping back, looking at Giles, and blushing in pretty much that order) Oh! Sorry. We... um... got a little carried away there. Giles: Yes, with... with how much Xander's going to love this room when we get finished with it. Yes, that's it. They smile ingratiatingly at Paige. Paige: Where's Hildi? Buffy: (looking to Giles for confirmation of their cover story) She... went to... the store. The hardware store. For some... stuff... Giles: Knobs, I believe. Something about... attaching them to the ceiling for texture, if I recall correctly. Buffy: Yup. That's right. Paige: I thought she was saving that up for a big surprise. Quick intercutting of scenes of both teams hard at work as music plays. Oddly, there is no sign of either designer as they work. Buffy scrapes paint while Giles attempts to remove the glued-on drapes. Xander and Anya hang a canopy on Buffy's bed. Buffy smashes the vampire-mouth coffee table to bits while Giles watches with one eyebrow raised. Anya scatters throw rugs and pillows while Xander hangs curtains. Giles drags Buffy kicking and screaming from disaster room. Xander and Anya high-five one another and run out of room smiling broadly. Paige: (VO) Will Xander and Anya fall in love with their vampiric living room? Or will their interview go badly? Will Buffy find romance in her new bedroom? Or will she and Rupert just die of horror when they see it? Cut to Paige sitting in Xander's living room with a very nervous Buffy and a sardonically unconcerned Giles. Paige: Well, this is a first. It's almost time for the reveal, and I can't find either designer. Buffy: We were sure she'd be just a minute. Really. I can't think what's happened to her. Paige: So. The room. You two were against it from the beginning, weren't you. Giles: I should bloody well think so. Paige: But come on. You never saw what it was going to be like in the end, so it might have been really dramatic and wonderful, right? Buffy: Look, whether we finished it or not, we knew we'd have to redo it. Xander hates vampires and he loves his view. At least this way... it's bad, okay, but, hey, we don't have as much to undo. Giles: I wouldn't have given the room Hildi designed to a dog, let alone friends. Paige: (Perkily) Well, there's no time to fix it now. Let's see what your friends think of the room. Cut to Paige leading Xander and Anya into the room. Anya has her hand over her eyes to keep from peeking. Paige: Okay, I have to admit, there were a couple problems in this room. Anya: Problems? What have they done? Have they destroyed our living room? Paige: Buffy and Rupert say they'll fix what you don't like. Xander: That is so not a good sign. Paige: Open your eyes and see your new room. Xander and Anya open their eyes. They stare aghast at the ruins of Xander's living room. The walls are black with large chunks of the paint scraped off, leaving the white paint underneath stained and grayish. Blood red drapes hang in strips from the windows. Most of the windows remain obscured with the cloth and what isn't covered by the fabric is clouded with glue. The sofa is covered in a blood red slipcover, and the coffee table lies before it, smashed to bits. Anya: What did they do? How could they? Xander: Holy crap! Paige: Now before you get too upset... Anya: Before? Before?! Too late for that! I'll... I'll.... Xander: Honey, calm down. Let's hear what the nice lady has to say on national TV, okay? Paige: In their defense, Hildi disappeared this morning and they never did see the final plan. Anya: They painted the walls black! Xander: Calm down, honey. We'll have them help us redo it. Anya: I don't trust them, now. I'll do it myself. Redecorating is laughably easy. Paige: (uncomfortably) Well, let's see what Buffy and Rupert think of their bedroom. Xander: Uh... don't you mean *her* bedroom? Paige: (shrugging) Whatever. Cut to Paige sitting with Anya and Xander in Buffy's bedroom. Paige: Well, all I can say is, this isn't the room Doug had in mind, but it's gorgeous. Anya: (grumpily) Unlike our room. Xander: We just wanted to give Buffy something special. What Doug wanted to do... it just wasn't her. This is Buffy. Paige: Not only that, but somehow you've done it way under budget. This entire room - even including all the stuff Doug did - cost just nine hundred eighty-five dollars and seventeen cents. I don't know how you did it. Anya: It's all about having the right contacts. Xander: Absolutely. Paige: Do you guys want a job? We're two designers short now. Anya: How much does it pay? And can I slap home owners who refuse to do what I tell them? Cut to Paige bringing Buffy and Giles into the room. They both look nervous. Paige: Open your eyes, and see your new room. The room is beautiful. Buffy takes it all in, speechless with wonder. Giles smiles softly and nods. The walls are a soft, sage green. The floor, window frames, desk, and bedframe are all hardwood stained a warm honey tone. The floor is scattered with small throw rugs in the green with narrow stripes of ivory, butter yellow and peach. The canopy on the bed is a sheer ivory fabric. The bed linens are a very pale peach color. Several throw pillows in sage green, peach, and ivory are arranged at the head of the bed. The curtains match the canopy. Family photographs are hung on the walls, as are some photos of the Scoobies. The desk chair has been painted ivory with a few tiny multi-colored flowers as a whimsical touch. The overall result is a pretty, feminine, restful room. Buffy begins to cry. Paige: Oh, don't cry. Why are you crying? Buffy: Be-because this is so perfect. And we totally trashed their room. I'm so sorry. Giles: This is lovely. Buffy: I really hope Xander and Anya don't hate us for what we did. Paige: But you like your room, right? Buffy: (sniffling) I love it. Paige: Well, you can tell your friends, because here they are. Xander and Anya enter room. Giles looks apologetic. Buffy bursts into tears. Buffy: I'm sorry, guys. We fought it the whole way, and we'll fix everything, I promise. Xander: It's okay, Buff. We know what it's like. If I hadn't had Anya working with me, you'd probably have a disaster area, too. Anya: That doesn't mean you don't have to pay to fix it. Giles: We'll be happy to cover the costs, and help in any way we can. Buffy: You guys did an incredible job. This room is... is... it's perfect. It's so romantic. Paige: Well, you can't win 'em all, but at least everyone is still friends. So thanks to Doug, Hildi, and of course, Ty. We'll see you next time, on Trading Spaces. Anya: (dragging Xander over) Now, about those jobs.... Takes Paige by the arm and leads her out of the room. Xander follows, shutting the door behind himself. Giles lifts Buffy in his arms and carries her to the bed. As they climb on, he turns to face the camera. Giles: And turn that bloody thing off! Closes canopy drapes. Closing credits roll.