Pairing: Angel/Cordy, Wes/Gunn, Buffy/Giles Rating: PG-13 for violence, mild slashiness, mild language Spoilers: Through S5 of Buffy and S2 of Angel Summary: Cordelia has a rotten birthday Date Written: 8/4/01 Author's Notes: This is in response to Joanna's birthday challenge to me which goeth as follows: For my birthday, I want Cordy in major me-me-me mode: it’s all about her. I want drama! I want action and kickboxing and all that good stuff. I want angst --- but a happy ending please! And aside from whatever sort of plot you devise, the fic must include the following: 1) At least one (preferably more, and the longer the better) scene where Cordelia is either sick, injured, hit with a whopper vision, or otherwise hurt cutely. Bonus points if she cries. 2) A scene involving excessive consumption of alcohol, and Cordelia getting “carded.” 3) Of these, pick at least two and use any connotation of the word you choose: hormones, graduation, Xander, ascension, spell, princess. 3)A reference to Star Trek, preferably to a specific episode. And I mean modern Star Trek, not the original series, please. And if the reference is to Voyager, it must be derogatory. 4) Buffy-bashing, at least once. Bonus points if it’s not Cordelia that does it. 5) A “serious” conversation where Cordelia gets dramatically emotional, and everybody’s favourite socially inept vampire does not know how to handle it. Yes, I mean Angel. 6) Your choice on whether they go to the karaoke bar, but if they do, somebody has to sing a song by Indigo Girls, Goo Goo Dolls, or Great Big Sea. 7) A running gag detailing Cordelia’s craving for an obscure and hard to get food item, and Angel’s elaborate attempts to find it for her. 8) A cameo appearance by Phantom Dennis. 9) And finally, this birthday was brought to you by the number 24…so you’ll need to use that number somewhere in the fic. Dedication: To Joanna on her 24th. May you challenge and delight me for many years to come. Cordelia sniffed quietly to herself. It had been hard keeping up the facade that she wasn't hurt all day. Finally home, she could let go at last. Now if she could find some tissues... Just as she was about to give up and wipe her nose on the back of her hand, Phantom Dennis came to her rescue with a full box of Kleenex. "Thanks, Dennis" she told him in a watery voice. "At least I know I can count on you - unlike some vampires I could mention, but won't." The day had started so well, too. Her heart had leapt at the sight of the bouquet of deep red roses on her desk. She had counted them immediately. Twenty-four lovely blooms spreading their lucious perfume through the lobby of the Hyperion. She had smiled as she finally reached for the card to assure herself that they had come from Angel, as she was certain they had. Wesley. Wesley had been the one to give her roses on her birthday. She had managed to swallow her disappointment and smile as she thanked the Englishman. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't Angel, after all. Besides, there was plenty of time left for a certain undead PI to make it up to her... As the day wore on, however, he had said and done nothing about the date. Even Gunn had brought her a giant bottle of Tylenol as a birthday offering. Angel? Nada. At lunch Cordelia had gone to the gourmet deli she liked when she could afford it. If she couldn't get any attention from Angel, at least she could get her favorite garlic-stuffed green olives. But even that small comfort was denied her. The proprietor informed her that they had sold out and had no plans to reorder. It seemed that in the past week, garlic-stuffed green olives had gone out of fashion, and no one who was anyone served them anymore. He doubted that she would be able to find such a déclassé item in LA. "Perhaps you might find them in a less sophisticated metropolis." Returning from this disappointment, she found yet more misery and humiliation in wait for her. Angel greeted her with a broad smile and a bear hug. She really thought things were looking up. "Cordelia! You won't believe it; I just got a call from Willow. Buffy! She's back! She's alive again!" She had honestly tried to be happy for him. She'd long ago gotten over much of her resentment of Little Miss Slays-a-lot... more or less. Still, with Buffy gone, she'd thought Angel might be able to see past the past and move on to someone else. Perhaps a pretty brown-eyed Seer the PTB had assigned to him? "We have to go to Sunnydale right now," he told her. "She's alive again! I can't wait to see her." "We? I'm going too?" "All of us. You, me, Wes, Gunn. There's a big party at The Bronze tonight to celebrate. Finally there's something to celebrate! Could you go the cleaners and see if my good black shirt is ready?" He rummaged in his pockets and pulled out the laundry ticket. "I'll pay you back, I promise." "Oh you'll pay me back, buddy. You so owe me for this one." "Sure. I'm just a little short of cash right now. When we get our paychecks next week..." Cordelia raised her hand to stop the flow of words. "Wait a minute. I'm not talking about the money." "Then what? I don't get it." "God! You are so... dumb sometimes! Do you ever actually notice what goes on or has your head gotten clogged up with all that hair gel? You never, ever see what's really going on, do you?" Angel shifted uncomfortably. "Um, do you need to take a break or something? Are you tired? Would you like me to make some coffee?" Cordelia sighed dramatically and snatched the laundry ticket from his hand. "Never mind. I'll get your damn shirt." And so the day had gone. She'd gotten Angel's black shirt from the cleaners - not that it could be differentiated from the other fifteen black shirts he owned. She'd finished the day at work with a perfectly synthesized smile on her face. Now she had exactly five minutes in which to have a private breakdown before putting on her party clothes and driving to Sunnydale to celebrate Buffys' second return from the grave. "She would have to come back on my birthday. How does she always manage to upstage me? Selfish much?" A slight breeze played over her hair. Phantom Dennis liked to stroke her hair when she cried. "Thanks, Dennis. You're a real pal." * * * * * Cordelia couldn't believe the day could get any worse. She was wrong. She had spent two hours in a car with Angel, Gunn and Wesley and not one of them had paid any attention to her the entire drive. Angel was too busy popping breath mints every five minutes and sniffing his shower-fresh armpits while Wesley and Gunn kept sneaking discreet glances at one another. She wished those two would just come out of the closet and go to it already. At least it might make Angel say two words to her. Finally they arrived and piled out of the car. They had to park a couple blocks away from The Bronze, so as not to tip off Buffy that they were coming. It was a surprise party, apparently. Cordelia opened her own door since none of the guys remembered that was a gentleman's job and delicately stepped into a mud puddle. "Dammit! And these were new shoes!" "Oh dear, here, perhaps this will help." Wesley offered her a handkerchief. "Aw man, Cordy! Will you watch where you're going, girl? Here, I'll get your back. Or your foot, anyway." Gunn rallied round with a bandanna of suspicious cleanliness, but a goodwill. Angel walked on. He disappeared briefly into a convenience store, but was back before the others had finished making Cordelia's shoe presentable again. She pasted a smile on her face. "Thanks guys. Now let's go see Sunnydale's Miracle Princess." Mentally, she added the thought that she couldn't wait to get good and plastered. * * * * * Inside the club, music blared and lights flashed. The entire place had obviously undergone a major renovation since Cordelia had last been in Sunnydale. Things were definitely looking up. Except, that is, for the fact that Angel was busily craning his neck for a look at his ex girlfriend. Great, now he was pulling out his cell phone! What was with that? Try as she might, she couldn't even eavesdrop over the music. "Hey, Cordy! Wes! Over here!" Willow was clearly feeling little pain as she called her former colleagues over to the Scooby table. A pitcher of Margaritas sat nearly empty surrounded by half-empty glasses and a very cheerful group of people too young to be served. "Cordy, Wes, Gunn, this is Tara and Anya, and well, Gunn hasn't met Xander either, has he? No, of course not. And I guess Wes already met Anya, too." The witch giggled and hiccoughed slightly. "Where's Angel?" "On the phone over there. So where's Buffy?" "Running late. She and Giles went on patrol first. Want a drink? Let me get more glasses." Willow beckoned a waitress over to the group and requested four more glasses. "I'll need to see some ID for them." Wesley and Gunn reached for their wallets and Angel was pointed out to her. She nodded and looked at Cordelia. "And yours?" At Willow's encouraging nod, she pulled out her driver's license knowing full well that it would tell the management that this was her twentieth birthday. To her astonishment, the waitress nodded and went to get four more glasses and another pitcher of drinks. "Wait a minute. How did that happen? I'm not twenty-one." Tara smiled and wiggled her fingers. "It's a little spell I did. S-so we could get drinks." "She does it every time we come here," Anya added. "It's very helpful." "I'm impressed." Wesley looked concerned. "Ought you to do that, Tara? It is illegal, after all." "Aw belt up, English," Gunn told him good-naturedly. "This way they ain't knockin' over liquor stores or ripping off daddy's stash. Anyway, to my way of thinking, people who save the world a whole bunch deserve a little bit of slack." The two shared a small smile. "I suppose you're right." Cordelia rolled her eyes. Could those two be more gay? She poured herself a drink and downed most of it in one gulp. If she couldn't get a little attention on her birthday, at least she could get stinking drunk. * * * * * "So what do you people eat around here to go with Margaritas?" "They used to have this onion flower thing. It was sodding amazing. Now they don't do it anymore." Spike shook his head in despair and took another pull on his beer. "The Buffalo wings are good," Xander assured her. "I don't understand," Anya frowned. "I've seen buffaloes. They don't have wings." "What would you like, Cordy?" Wes gestured to a waitress. "Do they still have garlic-stuffed green olives? I've been craving them all day." "Cravings? You're not... are you?" "God, Xander! Is that all you think about? No, I'm not." "So this isn't a hormonal thing?" Cordelia shot him a withering glare. Wesley consulted with the waitress. As she left, he turned to his coworker. "I'm sorry, Cordelia, but they dropped the olives from the menu when they remodeled." "I should have known." * * * * * At last Buffy arrived nearly an hour later. When she entered the room, she shrank back a bit involuntarily until Giles gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. She looked up at him and he encouraged her with a smile and a few quiet words only the Slayer heard. Cordelia watched Buffy square her shoulders and march to her friends. In that moment she began to wonder if she and Buffy had more in common than she'd realized before. Great. Just what she needed. She so didn't want to feel any sympathy or connection with Buffy Summers. She wanted to be noticed, to throw hissey fits, to be showered with birthday cheer. Most of all, she wanted a certain ensouled vampire to look at her the way Giles was looking at Buffy; as if the sun rose and set on her shoulders. Wait a minute! When had that started? And where the hell had Angel gone? He probably had some special treat planned for Buffy. Queen C resolutely reapplied her smile and gossiped with the Scoobies about what had been going on in Sunnydale the past few months. * * * * * Despite the drinks, Cordelia's night was getting worse again. Angel had gone AWOL, everybody was fawning over Buffy just because she'd returned from the dead, Anya spent all her time chattering about really embarrassing stuff like Xander's penis, and if Wesley and Gunn didn't at least kiss by the end of the night, she was going to start throwing things at them. Men! Women! Slayers! The topper had been when Wesley took her out on the dance floor and spent the entire time stepping on her feet because he was too busy looking at Gunn to concentrate on what he was doing. "Jeez Wes! Why don't you and Gunn just get it out of your systems already?" "Hmmm?" he asked distractedly. "Go on. Ask him to dance. Ask him to move in with you, whatever. Just stop this stupid pretending that you guys don't want to get pelvic together." "Cordelia!" he sounded genuinely shocked at the suggestion. "Look around you. Is anyone paying any attention to Willow and her girlfriend? And I see at least two boy/boy couples on the dance floor. Go on. Dance with Gunn. You know you want to." "Really? You think he would?" "I'm sure of it. And at least this explains one thing." "What would that be?" "That crappy kiss. Remember? Right before Graduation?" Wesley shuddered delicately. "I've tried very hard to forget. I rather let the side down, didn't I?" "Tell me the truth. Had you ever kissed a girl before?" "Well... er... um... not as such..." Cordelia nodded. "That explains it. I feel much better now." She hugged him "Go on now! No more pretending. Have fun. Kiss the guy... you've kissed a guy before, right?" "Cordelia!" "Hey, just checking." She smiled after him as he went to the table and pulled Gunn into a corner for a private talk. Scanning the room, she finally found where Angel had gone to. He was having an intimate discussion with Buffy in a corner. From the way he shifted his weight from foot to foot, Cordelia could tell he was nervous about what he was saying. Probably asking if they could pick up where they'd left off after he walked off in a cloud of dust after the Mayor's Ascention. From the smile and the hug Buffy gave him, it looked like she might be saying yes. Cordelia glanced over to Giles and saw that he was viewing the scene with concern. Maybe she could throw the poor old guy a bone. * * * * * One minute after taking Giles onto the dance floor, Cordelia realized she had made a terrible mistake. Not only was Giles even more distracted than Wesley, he had bigger feet, too. "Ouch!" "Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Was that your foot?" "Yes. Again." "Sorry. I'm not much of a dancer." "It really bites, doesn't it?" "I'm sorry?" The girl gestured to the corner both had been watching the entire time. "That. Buffy and Angel. Angel and Buffy. The endless soap opera that is their romance. The way neither one of them sees what else is right under their noses. The way you and I will never get a break because they're so into the whole doomed thing. It's so not fair. And after everything we've done for them, too!" She blushed slightly when she saw the sympathetic smile on Giles' face. "God, pathetic much?" "If so, then you're hardly alone." "Y'know, Giles, you've changed. You would've never said that two years ago." "Nor would you. Perhaps we've both grown up a bit." "Maybe we have." "For what it's worth, he's blind not to have noticed you." Cordelia bestowed her first genuine smile of the evening on him. "And she's an idiot if she passes you up this time." "Cordelia," he admonished gently. "Okay, okay, claws in. I get it. But I'm still right." She never heard Giles' reply due to the blinding pain that shot through her head at that moment. She fell to her knees, crying out in agony. The Scoobies ran to her side from all areas of the dance floor. "Cordelia? Cordelia, are you alright?" She could barely hear Giles' gently concerned voice in her ear as the images flashed wildly through her brain. "Vamp army" she gasped "red robes.... aaaaahhhhh!!!... big, brick wall.... oh God!... no.... it's a house... or a building of some sort... terrible... make it stop!" The others looked confused. "And Darmok at Tanagra to you, too. Cordy, what the hell are you talking about?" "Shut up, Xand! It's a vision, isn't it?" Willow took Cordelia's hand, ignoring the fact that the Seer's grip nearly broke her fingers. "Tara," Giles commanded "get the others. Xander, Anya, go to the shop and get weapons. Hurry. I'll try to figure out what Cordelia saw." Almost as soon as Xander and Anya had gone, Angel, Buffy, Wesley and Gunn arrived. Angel knelt before Cordelia and took her arms as Giles rose. "Cordy? Are you okay? What did you see?" "They're strong, Angel. They want.... if we don't stop them, they'll kill an entire dormfull of college students." "UC Sunnydale? Is it here?" Buffy tensed for battle. "Is there a brick dorm on campus?" Angel asked. "Most of them are," Willow told him. "Come on, Cordy, you must have seen something that will give us a clue which one." Cordelia closed her eyes to concentrate. "There was an S on the building.... Samuelson... Stirling..." "Stephenson," Buffy concluded. "Will and I roomed there last year. How many vamps were there?" "At least twenty. Maybe more." By this time, Wesley had brought some water and Gunn had poured a pair of Tylenols into her hand. She took the pills gratefully. "You mentioned red robes," Giles said. "Were they performing some sort of ritual, perhaps?" "I think so. They aren't feeding, and they aren't turning them. It's just... slaughter. Horrible." She turned her face to Angel's cold breast and he held her. "It's okay, Cordy, we'll stop them. I promise." "Any idea how long we have before the slaughter portion of tonight's entertainment kicks in?" Everyone looked at Gunn. "Hey, I'm just asking." * * * * * Giles and Wesley consulted on the drive to the campus, and determined that there were only two rituals that matched the one Cordelia had seen in her vision. Since one of them was designed to unleash hellbeasts from another dimension, and the other was a highly ineffective Medieval treatment to rid large, populace areas of plague rats, they decided it would be best to prepare for interdimensional hellbeasts. Battle plans were drawn quickly since they had no idea how long they had to prepare for the onslaught. Buffy, Angel, Gunn, and Xander took up their posts in the lobby as Willow, Tara and Anya did their best to evacuate the building. When they finished, they would return and do whatever spells they could to slow down the attack. Wesley, Cordelia, Giles and Spike spread out on the next floor to take out as many stragglers as they could. Giles approached Cordelia as they waited. "Are you really okay? Will you be able to fight?" "I'll make it, Giles. My head feels like it might implode at any minute, but I can do this." The Watcher placed a gentle hand on her arm. "No one would think less of you if you left now." "No. I'm staying. I have to. But thanks." A smile was his reply, then he melted back into the shadows to wait. * * * * * The waiting seemed to go on forever. Buffy listened to the clock ticking the seconds away as she stood, crossbow at the ready. She barely blinked as she watched the door. Suddenly, there was a dark presence at her side. "Buffy? Before this starts... there's something I want you to know." "I know, Angel." "It's just... if I don't make it..." "Stop that. You'll make it. But, just in case I don't..." "You'll make it." "How do you know?" "I do." "But if..." "Then I'll tell him." "And I'll see that she gets them." Gunn shook his head. "That's one pair of messed up white folks." Seconds later, a window shattered and the battle was underway. Wave after wave of vampires poured through the window and doors. Buffy shot wildly with her crossbow turning three to dust immediately before she pulled Mr. Pointy from her waistband. "That's some crossbow!" Gunn exclaimed. "Xander did a little tinkering with it." "Nice one, dude." Angel swung wildly with his shortsword, as did Gunn with his axe. Xander used a wooden-ended pike to stake from a distance. "I thought Cordy said there were about twenty," he yelled to his comrades in arms. "Or more," Angel reminded him. "Definitely or more!" Buffy agreed. The vampires continued to fight, undaunted by the fact that so many of their compatriots had fallen to ash before them. When the first one broke through to the stairs, Buffy started to go after it. Angel grabbed her arm. "No! We have to stay here." "Giles..." "Can take care of himself. Fight here, dammit!" She glared, but turned and plunged Mr. Pointy into yet another vampire. On and on the little band fought. A few slipped by the front lines, but most of them now littered the floor of the lobby. Still, they kept coming. More and more surged forward. The more vampires they killed, the more seemed to replace the fallen ones. Despite supernatural strength and endurance, even Buffy and Angel began to slow. More vampires made it past them to slip upstairs, and still more came. "I don't know how much longer we can hold them," Buffy cried to her friends. "Anybody got some explosives?" "What I wouldn't give for a round of phaser blast about now" Xander muttered under his breath. "Don't you know nothin', man? Phasers won't take out vampires! Gotta have Photon torpedoes for that." Xander pointed to Gunn. "Hey! I like this guy! He speaks my language!" "We have to fall back," Angel told them. "Help Giles and Cordy on the next floor." "There's too many! We'll never get them all without a miracle." "And here's the miracle, Buff," Willow announced. "Angel! Get under cover!" The ensouled vampire rolled to the side and under a table, pulling his coat over his head as he went. Willow, Tara, and Anya performed an incantation as they dropped herbs into a portable cauldron. Buffy, Xander, and Gunn continued to fight hard as yet more vampires entered the building. "Not to rush you, but anytime, Will!" Buffy leapt to the side as a vampire swung wildly at her. Before he could recover his footing, she introduced him to the sharp end of Mr. Pointy. Half a second later, a brilliant flash of sunlight filled the lobby. Vampires screamed and writhed as they caught fire and fell to dust around the humans. The next wave took one look at what had happened to their fellow hellbeast raisers and ran off into the night. As quickly as it had appeared, the sunlight was gone. Willow and Tara slumped to the floor as Buffy ran upstairs. "Somebody check on Angel!" she yelled over her shoulder as she hurried out of the room. "I guess she's finally over him," Xander observed as he checked Anya. When he was assured she was fine, albeit tired, he moved to the table. "How ya' doing, Deadboy?" "Don't call me that, Xander." * * * * * Buffy reached the second floor just as Giles beheaded the last of the vampire menace. "Giles!" She threw herself into his arms. "I was so scared something would happen to you." "Hush, Buffy, I'm fine." He reluctantly extricated himself from the girl's embrace. Buffy followed his eyes to where Cordelia lay on the floor. "Oh God. Is she... she's not... Giles, do something!" The little band gathered around their fallen friend as Giles performed a cursory examination on her. Angel was the last one up the stairs. "What's going on? Who's hurt?" The others pulled back to let him see. "Cordy...? Cordy, are you okay? Cordy!" Giles put a hand on the vampire's shoulder. "Angel, get a grip on yourself. She's going to be just fine. She appears to have a mild concussion, but she'll be right as rain in a few days." "Are you sure?" Buffy laughed. "Angel, this is Giles. The man who's had more concussions than you've had O Positive. He knows whereof he speaks." Cordelia roused herself slightly. "Ow. Where am I?" Angel threw himself into her arms and kissed her soundly. "Okay. Now I know; this has got to be heaven." * * * * * "So the ignoring me all day was because of these?" Cordelia bit into another olive with a sigh of delight. "I couldn't find them anywhere. I felt bad." "Where did you find them, anyway?" "Long story. I started with that deli you like so much, but they didn't have them. So I went to a couple more delis and grocery stores. That's why I sent you to get my shirt; so you wouldn't know I'd gone." "You owe me eight bucks, by the way." "By the time we headed here, I was pretty desperate. That's why I went to that convenience store when we parked, but they didn't have them either." "And that's when you pulled out the cell phone and started pulling in favors?" Angel nodded. "I had demons in five states hunting these down for you." "So who made the big score and what do you owe them?" "Um... Lorne. And I'm not allowed to sing for a month." "So I have two things to thank him for." She leaned over to kiss Angel, but he pulled back. "What?" "Um... garlic, vampire... unmixey things." "Ooh, sorry. Great. You figure out where to get these, and now I'll have to give them up. You're really determined to make this birthday crappy, aren't you?" The pair beamed at one another. From their place on the dance floor, Buffy and Giles smiled at the new couple, then at each other. "So you aren't jealous?" "Nope. Not even a little bit. I loved Angel, and in a way I still do. They say you never forget your first, don't they? But it's not like that anymore. Besides, I have you. You brought me back. What greater love and all that sort of thing." "Well, I'm not sure it's as good as fighting to return one's love from the grave, but that has to run a close second." He nodded and Buffy turned to see Angel carefully feeding Cordelia a garlic-stuffed olive. "Pretty close, I'd say."