__The Worst Birthday Ever__
By Escargoat
Passion filled Buffy Summer’s eyes as her lover slid his hands up and down her body. She emitted soft sighs of
pleasure as his hands stroked over her breasts. Her palms slid firmly over his chest before they busied themselves
with pulling the buttons out of their holes.
He growled in appreciation and began tugging frantically at her own shirt. In seconds she was naked, and he was
stripped down to nothing but his boxers. Swiftly, she pushed him down onto the bed and tugged his underwear off.
In the process of doing this, she completely missed the panicked expression that crossed his features.
There was no throbbing manhood to meet her. No straining erection. No turgid flesh pulsating with desire for her.
There was just a rather flaccid looking penis.
Her hand shot out to gently massage the area. Nothing happened. She thought it twitched once, but it was probably
just her imagination.
She took a quick peek at Giles’ face. He looked mortified.
“Oh, God, I broke it. It’s me. Isn’t it?” Buffy asked in a very small voice.
“No, of course not. Sometimes these things just happen,” Giles said as he pointedly looked anywhere but in Buffy’s
direction.
“Of course it’s me. You just really, really find the idea of, you know, disgusting, and it’s got you all wigged.
And it’s because I’m all icky.”
“Buffy, I assure you that I’d love to be with you in a very intimate way right now. It’s just that, that…”
“That the stevedore man can’t get it up? Come on Giles, I’m not stupid. It isn’t you,” Buffy sniffled out as she
dabbed at her eyes with the edge of the shirt she had earlier pulled from off of him.
“Buffy, I’m over fifty. Things don’t work quite as well anymore.”
“Don’t lie to me, Giles. It’s because I had sex with Spike, isn’t it?”
He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Yes, yes, I’m sure that my passions have been curbed by the fact
that you had rough sex with Spike. How could I forgive you for that? It isn’t as if I was having orgies that
involved calling forth a demon at your age.”
A soggy chuckle escaped from Buffy’s lips. “It isn’t me?”
“Ah, you can listen to me after all.”
“Then, then is there something wrong with…” Buffy trailed off as she gestured at the limp piece of flesh lagging
against his thigh.
Giles shifted uncomfortably. “Apparently. I’ve never actually had this problem before.”
“Never?”
“Well, it isn’t as if I’ve had much of a use for checking to see if it was still working in the last couple of
years. And before you start to think it is you again, I’ll have you know that the majority of erectile dysfunction
problems are physical. Most commonly there are heart problems, blocked arteries, crushed or damaged blood vessels,
enlarged prostrates…”
“All of which are really worrying me. You don’t have any heart problems, do you?” Buffy asked as she crawled onto
the bed to touch his chest right above where his heart was.
“Not that I know of, no.”
“Good, ‘cause I can’t lose you. Not now, not after we’ve, um…”
“Declared our love and tried to have sexual intercourse with each other but failed because I’m too sodding old to
get an erection?”
“Is ‘sodding’ really the right word?” Buffy winced as soon as the question came out of her mouth. Fortunately,
Giles had been around her long enough to know that she had not meant to be hurtful.
“Don’t worry love. I’m certain we can work past this. While it may not be especially romantic, I could, well, that
is to say, I could perhaps get a pill?”
“Don’t they warn about ‘erections that last for four or more hours’ and how they can cause heart attacks? I don’t
want you to die,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
“I don’t have heart problems,” he reminded her.
“That you know of. What if you do? Maybe you don’t know! Maybe you’re dieing,” Buffy’s tears started to stream
instead of their previous gently plopping pace they had earlier had.
He patiently sighed and wiped away her tears. “I’ll go and see a doctor tomorrow and get a full health examination.”
“Promise?” Buffy asked as she wiped away the snot that had started to drip from her nose.
“I promise. And Buffy? I am sorry about ruining your birthday present.”
* * *