__The Man Inside__
By Escargoat



With a smile, Edwin Giles propped open the door to his house. Excitedly, he maneuvered in the large, toy airplane he had purchased for his son. It was indulgent of him, he knew, but Rupert did so love the large ‘birds’ that appeared every so often in the sky.

“Marian? I’m home,” he called to his wife, “Is Rupert home from school yet?”

“Eddy, you’re home early,” Marian appeared suddenly in front of him. She seemed nervous, and out of sorts.

“Yes, well, I thought I’d be here when Rupert got home. Surprise the lad. He is rather excited about turning ten,” Edwin replied uneasily, “Is there something wrong, Dear?”

“What? Oh. No! That is, I just wasn’t expecting you home,” his wife responded as she stood in front of her husband in the hallway, effectively blocking his access to the rest of the house.

Not a man to believe such an obvious lie, Edwin pushed past his wife and strode towards the sitting room door. Marian had come out of that same door if he was not mistaken.

“Oh, Edwin, don’t!” He heard her plead behind him, and for the rest of his life, he would wonder if life would not have been better had he heeded her warning.

The door swung open to reveal a room full of presents… and a room full of demons. There were so many, that it made his head spin. Some looked completely human, others did not, but it mattered little. Stunned, he turned to look at his wife.

“I don’t understand.”

“Little Ripper is turning ten, dear. They’re just bringing presents.”

Edwin swallowed around the lump in his throat. In light of the things that his wife had allowed in their home, her little nickname for their son no longer sounded quite so innocuous. “They’re demons. I’m sworn to protect the world from them,” he reminded her even as his brain began to go down a path that it did not wish to tread.

“Eddy,” she pleaded, “please try to be understanding.”

“Did they put a spell on you? Did they threaten Rupert?” he asked in desperate hopefulness, even though the cold ball of fear in his stomach said otherwise.

“Of course not,” she replied as she reached for his hand.

“Don’t touch me!” He yelled as he backed quickly away. “You’re a demon,” he whispered as a statement of fact, not question.

She nodded slightly.

“Oh, God,” he choked out as he felt bile rise in his throat.

“Mummy?” a small voice asked from the hallway.

“Rupert, don’t come in here,” Edwin barked as he rushed towards the door.

Unfortunately, the boy was too quick. Green eyes widened in fright at the sight of monsters in his home. Confused, he ran towards his mother for comfort. His father, however, was much faster, and swung the young boy into his arms despite the difficulty of doing so with a boy of Rupert’s age and size.

“Monsters,” he cried unable to think of anything else to say.

Edwin closed his eyes and nodded. His glare settled on his wife. “Get out,” he stated coldly.

“Edwin,” she began in a placating tone.

“GET OUT OF MY HOME! I don’t know what you and your kind planned to do with me, but you can leave now. You’ve deceived me, and I have nothing to say to you.”

Marian’s eyes flashed in pain for a second before glaring back. “Fine. Give me Ripper, and I’ll be going.”

“My son isn’t going anywhere with you,” he ground out.

Marian looked at him coldly. “He is my son as well, and my heir. Give him to me.”

“No.”

Rupert felt his eyes sting. He had never heard his parents quarrel in such a manner before.

“He’s just as much a demon as I am,” Marian taunted, “Can you live with the fact that your ‘son’ is going to grow up to be a monster? Hunted by that precious instrument your Council holds so dear?”

“My son is going to be a Watcher not a demon. Now go, before I bring that instrument here and have all of you killed,” Edwin played his trump card. Apparently, the threat of the Slayer was enough to cause the eerily quiet crowd to begin to scatter.

Marian stood silent as the others left. Then she moved forward and touched Rupert’s hair. “Mummy loves you,” she whispered. With a final glance at her husband, she left, and all was silent in the house.

With a shudder, Edwin placed his son’s feet on the floor before sinking onto it himself. He began to cry, soon his son joined him.

* * * * *

With a crash of glass, Rupert Giles forced the memory, or more appropriately, the memory the way his father saw it, from his mind. Times like these always brought Ripper just that much closer to the surface, and Buffy really did not need to deal with that right now. Hell, Rupert Giles did not want to have to deal with that ever.

But the problem was his mind did not want to give up the memories. The countless lies his father had told the council to hide his son’s nature. The ways that Rupert himself had lied to the same council to cover up for his more than human qualities. The days when he had given in to his other half…

Angrily, he grabbed a bottle of cooking wine as there was nothing else left in his home. Lord but he needed to fight something, kill something, get a mystical fix somehow… It was the dream with the First Slayer. He knew it was. He had felt the inner stirrings when he had left Buffy’s house, and by the time he’d made it back to the safety of his own home, Ripper was begging to be released. The First Slayer may have reacted badly to having to share space when Buffy merged essences with her friends, but that was nothing to how Giles himself felt right now.

Hot, seething rage boiled over inside of him, and though he knew it was not even his own, it frightened him. It was merely the part of him that was not human, the part that felt the need to struggle for supremacy. His demon side had not taken kindly to having a Slayer on its turf. More correctly, it had not minded the Slayer, only that she had tried to kill him.

He shuddered at the thought. His self control was almost gone after this last year. How many times had he given in to the urge to drink just to keep Ripper from coming out? Lord, if he didn’t love Buffy so much…

Instantly, the pounding urge to kill evaporated and a sorrowful longing replaced it.

“Oh, bloody wonderful,” he said to his empty apartment.

He leaned his head back against the wall and took another swig out of his bottle, but his other half, as he liked to call it, refused to quit whining. It wanted its mate.

“Never said the demon lot was smart, now did I?” Giles slurred to himself. Then he began to giggle. For the only reason his demon half was pining was because his very human brain had been overruled by a very human heart. Lord, but he was an absolute twit.

“Should lock myself away, I should,” he announced before staring ruefully at the bottle in his hand. It was not that he was an alcoholic, no that would be easy, all he would have to do is make life altering decisions, admit his problem, join a support group and work to be a better person. But large amounts of alcohol slowed his demon half. Their species did not react well to excessive amounts of it. The liquor made it manageable until he could get enough control back to slap Ripper back into his proper corner.

And it did have the pleasant side effect of making his human side forget his troubles for a night.

A knock came at his front door. Blearily, he peered over at the entryway. Of all the times for Buffy to keep her promises…

He staggered to his feet and stumbled to the door. Upon yanking it open, he was confronted by a very simply dressed yet elegant woman.

“Ripper, you look terrible,” the woman said as she pushed her way inside.

“I’m a bit drunk, if you haven’t noticed,” he stated blandly as he slammed the door shut behind her.

“What? Oh, no dear, although you shouldn’t do such things to your health. I was speaking of the deplorably aged look you have. One would think you actually like grey hair and wrinkles,” the woman got distracted as she eyed the empty bottles strewn about his home. “Do you hate yourself that much?”

“Only one half. What is it that you want?” Giles said as he began to polish his glasses.

“To talk to my son. One moment, we’re having a lovely time in England, the next you’re gone and apparently invoked those damned watcher protection spells against me.”

“That lovely time killed a friend of mine, and I did not wish to be found,” Giles responded as he picked up the shards of glass from his earlier outburst.

“Well, for a man so intent on denying his birthright, you certainly did not pick the best spot. The Hellmouth, Dear? Tell me that was not a coincidence.”

“Well, I bloody well didn’t go looking for it if that’s what you mean,” Giles snapped as he began foraging through his cupboards.

“Ripper, you aren’t being very sociable. Your father used to get the same way when he was unhappy. Tell Mummy what’s wrong.”

Giles spun around and merely looked at her before turning back around and grabbing his cookie jar.

“You aren’t even fifty yet, and you’ll always be my little boy. And it isn’t like there is anybody else that you’re going to unburden yourself to,” his mother chided him as she watched him glumly eat a cookie.

He didn’t say anything and simply proceeded to snack as if she wasn’t there.

“Oh, do stop sulking. Something has obviously put you in a snit. I could actually feel your power signature spike a little while ago.”

“Bloody Hell,” he muttered. “You found me because you could sense my… well, my…” Giles made a vague hand gesture to finish his sentence.

“Your demon essence? Oh Ripper, you don’t know how it pains me to see you reject yourself so thoroughly. And stop nibbling, people will think you’re nesting.”

“First of all ‘people’ aren’t going to think I’m doing anything of the sort. Second of all, I bloody well am nesting,” Giles replied before grabbing another cookie.

His mother’s face lit up. “Really? Oh, do tell, who is the lucky lady that’s going to be having my Ripper’s children?”

“Mother, I said I’m nesting, not that there is any woman, and there are most definitely not going to be children.”

“But... oh, she doesn’t want you?”

“Ah, what a world of questions that opens up,” Giles replied as he wearily walked from his kitchen to his sofa.

His mother joined him. “She’s an idiot,” she consoled him as she patted her son’s head.

He glared at her.

“Oh, Rupert, quit being so, so…”

“Human? I’m sorry, perhaps I did not make it clear enough that I have chosen to be human, to live a very human life and not consort with the demon ways of destruction and chaos to my world.”

“You don’t need to speak that way. You take too harsh a view of your own people,” Marian chided.

“They AREN’T my people! Why can’t you understand that? I didn’t ask to be this. I didn’t ask to be condemned to this misery. Do you have any idea how it feels to be forced to live a lie about what you are?”

“Of course I do, you’re forgetting about your father.”

“No, no I’m not. You chose to lie to him, to deceive him. I have no choice. I have to lie to have my life, and I can’t ever have what I really want because of it. I could never truly love a woman and expect her to have my children when I know what I really am inside. To not tell her would destroy me, and to tell her would destroy the relationship that we have now. What little of it that’s left,” he finished his tirade with a whisper.

To his surprise, his mother simply smiled at him instead of becoming angry and yelling back. “Poor Ripper, you really are human in there. All those useless tears over some woman that isn’t even worthy of you,” she spoke softly as her fingertips smoothed out the wrinkles in his forehead much like she used to do when his was little.

A moment of peacefulness slipped into Giles’ mind before he recoiled. “No, no, she’s the most precious thing in the world. I’m the one who is beneath her. I’m the one who isn’t human.”

His mother shook her head and put her fingers back on his forehead. “Humanity isn’t wonderful. You’re so much more than your father ever let you be.”

Giles felt his mind start to cloud over, but he could not fight it. It was already muddled from the alcohol and the dreams of the First Slayer let alone the folly of joining his mind essence to Buffy in the first place.

“No,” he made a feeble protest.

“Shhh, it is time you quit being the man you are, and start being who you were born to be.”

Giles barely heard the words before he slipped off into unconsciousness.

* * * * *

Ripper took a gentle sweep of his hand across the back of Spike’s armchair.

“Not bad,” he mused out loud as his four compatriots held the vampire back. “Not good, but not bad either. You boys think that this will do?”

“It’ll do,” one of them answered.

“I guess that makes you out of a home,” Ripper said as he walked over to Spike.

“What gotten into you, Rupes? Going through another midlife crisis? The Slayer won’t like it.”

“Why do you insist on calling me that name? Didn’t I tell you that I’m not ‘Rupes’ as you so quaintly put it. As for the Slayer, why such a loathsome creature would care what happens to an even more loathsome creature is beyond me. Unlike you, I do not fear the Slayer. This is the Hellmouth. She has much better things to do with her time than hunt me. Hunting your kind, for example…” He trailed off with a vicious grin.

“So what, you just don’t care anymore?”

“No, I never cared in the first place. You, however, are obviously quite daft. I suppose I can’t in good conscience kill you with your questionable mental state and the fact that I am taking your home from you. I’ll make you a deal. My boys here will take you and drop you off at the park.”

With a snap of his fingers, Ripper’s friends began to move Spike towards the door.

“What? Now? It’s bleedin’ daylight out there!” he protested as he tried in vain to struggle against the thugs that held him.

“Yes, I know. Pity, isn’t it? Still, you seem resourceful enough. If not, I doubt the park service will notice a new patch of sand,” Ripper replied with a dismissive wave. With that, Spike’s hollering protests were ignored and the henchmen moved the struggling vampire out of his home.

* * * * *

Buffy anxiously bit her lip as the Scoobies reconnoitered in the Summers’ living room. Willow sat researching on her laptop while the others poured through various texts that had been liberated from Giles’ home. Five weeks had passed since they had last heard from their favorite Englishman. Riley had returned and made some inquiries of his own, but to no avail.

A frantic banging began at the front door, and Buffy jumped up to answer it.

A smoking plaid picnic blanket greeted her.

“Be a good sport and let me in, Slayer,” Spike’s pained voice begged.

“Why?”

“Because your daft Watcher did this to me,” he snapped at her.

At the mention of Giles, Buffy angrily grabbed Spike and tried to haul him through the door.

“OW! What’s with you two? You and the old man decide to get into the finer points of pain?”

“Come on in,” Buffy muttered as she grabbed Spike again.

By that time, the rest of the gang had gathered around the door. All watched as Spike put himself out.

He glared at each of them “Thanks so much for the kind help and concern.”

“You tried to kill us,” Buffy reminded him.

“Well, yeah, but I helped out with the whole Adam thing.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, I did.”

“Look Spike, not that we aren’t all enjoying this little get together, but you mentioned something about Giles?”

“You’re right I did. I think he’s got himself hit in the head one too many times. He bloody well pushed his way into my crypt this morning with a bunch of thugs. And what does he do? He has them toss me out into the park in the daylight, so that those thugs have a place to stay.”

“Mr. Giles kicked you out of your crypt,” Riley deadpanned. “Why don’t I believe you?”

“Maybe because he’s evil and a liar,” Xander supplied.

“Well, yeah, but I wouldn’t go setting myself on fire for no good reason, now would I?”

“Maybe something is wrong with Mr. Giles. I mean, I don’t know him that well, but this whole situation isn’t really normal for him. Is it?” Tara asked quietly.

“No. Giles is very stodgy and old. He normally doesn’t do anything but read musty old books and tell Buffy how to fight,” Anya answered.

“Spike, assuming I believe you, where would Giles be now?” Buffy took the conversation over again.

“I don’t know. He didn’t sound like he was going to be hanging around my place. But here’s a thought. Maybe you should go clean out my place and ask one of the nasty demon friends of his.”

“Demons? They were demons? Giles doesn’t hang with that sort of crowd,” Willow squeaked.

“Do I look blind to you Red? They were demons. I know a bit about that sort, you know.”

“Fine. Look, I’ll go check out Spike’s crypt. Riley, you and Xander keep an eye on Spike, make sure he doesn’t go anywhere. I might need to talk to him later.”

Hurriedly, Buffy grabbed her jacket (complete with handy stakes) and headed towards the door. Willow and Tara hurried after her.

Anya glanced at the three males. “So, do we get to torture him for information?”

* * *