( RIPOSTE ][ A Watchergirls Archive )

__Solitude__
By Catherine

The summer had passed very quickly, especially for Buffy. And that had nothing to do with the free time after the graduation, the not needing to go to class, the possibility to go to the Bronze or managing to eat all the ice cream she wanted that Giles offered to her. Well, those were some of the reasons but not the essential one. The real reason was a handsome, gorgeous, sexy and smart ex-watcher.

They had passed a lot of time together during that summer. Sometimes with the others, but a lot of the time it was just the two of them.

After a short trip--two days-- Xander decided that he could do it maybe the next year; so he and Anya had passed all the summer getting to know each other better, much better.

And as for Willow, she and Oz enjoyed the perfect love.

Buffy should have gone to LA, visit her father, but he had canceled their projects. She had been disappointed, but not really surprised; and there was Giles. Even if she was a little sad, at least she realized that even though she hadn't seen her father some days, she had been enjoying herself. That had meant that she and Giles would passed all the summer together.

And it was exactly what had happened.

In a way, she hoped that during the summer, the fantasies she had about him would come true. She was determined to realize them, with the necessary time to do it. She was Giles', and he was hers. There was no doubt about that. During that summer she had, little by little, 'worked' on him; Giles saw that evidence.

Willow knew and maybe that was also a reason why she and Oz had let them, and the fact that each time Willow looked at Giles and giggled wasn't really a good way to be discreet…

Buffy, Willow and Oz had begun college since a few days ago. She had thought that it could be good with her plan to not go to his place, not to see him during those days; even if that was very difficult for her. But like that he could have some time to think and realize some things.

And now, she was at his door, trying to get all her emotions under control. Her little story ready; she had thought that maybe a reason to begin the conversation could be a help, at least during the first minutes. She grinned at herself. She would tell him about that new vampire, Sunday. Actually, she knew that the vampire wasn't a menace, but was perfect as a pretext to come and ask for his help. *And five days are long enough.* She smiled at herself.

She entered in his flat and called him, "Giles? Giles, are you awake? Your favourite and only-What?!?" She lost her grin at what, or who, was in front of her. Here, there was a woman, a woman in a shirt, one of Giles' shirts. She thought she could lose her mind; nevertheless, she managed to speak, "Who…Who are you?" She crossed her arms around her chest.

"I'm Olivia, a…friend of Rupert. And you, you are?"

*Rupert! She called him Rupert! Calm down, Buffy…*

"I'm Buffy, a very good friend of Gi-Rupert." She answered her. *If she calls him Rupert, no reason that I'm not going to!* She looked at her with a killing glare, then added, "Where's Rupert?"

"Rupert," Olivia talked a little loud, "some girl wishes to see you."

"Liv, who…Buffy! What a surprise!"

"Yes, it is. What…what is that?" she asked with a gesture of one of her hand towards Olivia.

"Buffy," Giles warned her.

Olivia considered that it would be wiser to let them be.

When she left them alone, Giles turned to Buffy and, in a cold voice, he said, "Buffy, I won't accept, even from you, that tone towards my guests. Am I clear?"

Buffy nodded silently, she began to talk, but he cut her off.

"Buffy, what do you want?"

"Yes," she answered quickly, "well, there is that new vamp-" She stopped, seeing him raised his hand before he said, "Your problem, not mine."

"But…What?!?" She couldn't believe her ears. "But you are my watcher." She said in a small voice.

"Ex-watcher, I remind you. And I think it's time that you begin to take charge of some stuff by yourself."

"But-"

"No buts. You're a slayer, and you must be capable enough to resolve problems by yourself and not always count on the others."

"I see." All her hopes and dreams were erased by his words.

"So, I think I'm going to go now." In a light whisper she said, "Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore." With that she was gone.

He watched her leave.

"Buffy," Giles called to her, but it was too late.

Giles thought about these last few days. Olivia's visit had been pure chance. Buffy had begun college and hadn't come since that. He was hurt. He suspected, to not say know, that the reason why they shared the summer together was because her father had canceled their vacation and he was, in fact, just someone to keep her company. Not more. But to be really confronted by that reality, had hurt him, and continued to hurt him more than anything. He hadn't ever felt such hurt. And the reason was because he loved her. She was everything to him. He loved her more than anything and would do whatever she asked him to do. But its hurt had been so deep, that when Olivia appeared at his door, he saw an opportunity, at least for a while, to try to forget Buffy. It was a thing that hadn't really worked, but at least he had tried…

* * * * *

When Buffy came back to her dorm room, which she shared with Willow, she was still in shock. She couldn't believe it. She was full of sadness. Willow was here, but for now, Buffy didn't want to talk about that; so, when Willow asked her if everything had worked how she had planned, she said yes. At her response, Willow was very glad for her friends.

With that, they went to their morning class.

During her class, Buffy tried to focus on what the professor said, even if the sound of Giles' words was echoing in her mind. *I need to do it by myself.*

Buffy thought to talk with Willow during their lunch. But when she saw Willow, she was walking away, and Buffy asked, "Willow, we… you don't want to eat lunch with me?"

"Sorry, Buff. But Oz and I have some… projects." When she finished, Willow was redder than a crayfish.

"Projects?" Buffy asked incredulously, but when she saw Willow's face, she added quickly, "Ah, yes. Okay. Have a good lunch or whatever. See you later."

Willow looked at her; she didn't think there would be any reason why Buffy would have lunch with her. After all, she was certain that she and Giles would have planned some private lunch like her and Oz.

She was very pleased about Giles and Buffy. Buffy had informed her--well, to tell the truth--Willow had insisted and hadn't let her go out before she had told her the real reason for going to Giles'. And with her resolve face, Buffy hadn't had any other choice than to tell her about her 'plan'. She had decided to tell Giles about her feelings towards him.

That had delighted Willow; she knew about Buffy and Giles' feelings for each other. And now that Buffy and Giles had talked, everything would be okay. Just as Buffy had told her earlier.

She didn't suspect a thing…

* * * * *

Buffy lunched alone. She thought about calling Xander. She took her cell phone, and waited, until Anya answered.

"Hi, Anya."

"Buffy."

"Xander's here?"

"Yes, but we're going to take a ba-" She couldn't finish her sentence, Xander quickly took the receiver from his girlfriend, then said her, putting one of his hands on the receiver, "Honey, I already told you to not say things like that."

"Why?!?" Anya shrugged, "I just said that we're going to have a bath, not that we're going to have sex in it."

"I know, An-" But stopped when he heard a soft giggling at the opposite line. He looked at his hand and noticed that he hadn't had his hand on the speaker but on the listening end.

"What?!?" he said, in horror, "Oh, Buff, you… you heard?"

"Yep."

"Ahh." Then, trying to regain some dignity, he added, "So, what's up in the buffyland?"

There was a blank, "Buffy? Something's wrong?"

Buffy hesitated to tell to Xander--after all it was nothing in fact, just a feeling of missing of…everything; all was so different and new. She thought that it wouldn't be a very good idea to speak about that to him, he seemed very happy now. That was strange, bizarre, but Xander was happy with Anya.

"Nothing important, Xander, really. Just wanted to…well, I thought that maybe some evening, we could do something."

"Yes, Buff, of course," then he added without assurance, "but tonight it's not really…hum, possible."

"Yes, I think that I understood that point." She teased him; "No worries, Xander." But Xander didn't totally believe her and suspected that something was bothering her.

"A problem, Buffy? You seem a little strange. You can talk to me if you want, you know that, right? If something is bothering you, a demon or some other thing, I'm-"

"Yes, I know, Xand. Thanks. And, no, no demony thing, everything is… perfect." She laughed softly.

Xander wasn't convinced, "Look Buffy, you're right. We need to do something one day. What about tomorrow?"

"Hey, no. Tomorrow, we have planned to-"

"Anya, please." He whispered firmly.

"But-" Anya pouted.

"Sounds great, Xander. But," Buffy said, "I don't think I could. Another time, okay?"

"Sure Buff. Are you sure? We could-"

"Yes," she cut him off, "I'm sure. See you later. Bye."

"Okay. But Buff, if you want to talk, I'm here." Xander didn't know why, but he had the feeling that Buffy had hidden something from him.

"I know, bye."

"Bye, Buffy."

With that Buffy hung up.

*So Giles…* Buffy sighed, *Willow and Oz; and Xander with Anya. If my counts are exact, that leaves only me.*

*Okay, seeing things like that I have two choices. First, to abandon hope and be depressed.* She thought seriously. *Second, don't let myself be demoralized and get things in hand. As Giles said, do things by myself. Yes, that's the better choice.* She nodded fiercely.

And there was College. Buffy thought she could try to study…without Giles and his help, that could be not the same; but she could show him--no, prove to him that she could be good. Not to prove him that she didn't need him, because she needed him in some way; but that she was capable to do by herself things without others' help.

* * * * *

Days had passed since her meeting with Giles that morning. Buffy had followed her decision, and did things by herself. She was, once again, studying at the library. That place represented to Buffy a connection with Giles. She felt safe there.

She was studying on her psychology essay. Willow had begun it, to tell the truth, and had almost finished it in fact. Buffy was late with it because of the vampire Sunday. She dusted her without real difficulties, but Sunday had wanted to play hide-and-seek before, and she hadn't been alone. Before Buffy dusted her, she had met Sunday's court. But now, Sunday was a memory, and she could concentrate on her essay, and do her research.

Professor Walsh seemed to be an interesting teacher and expected good work.

As she was doing each night now, after patrol, Buffy went to the library to study. Willow didn't suspect anything. In fact, she and Buffy didn't see each other a lot recently. Willow had always some projects with Oz, if not…well, she was with Oz.

Buffy missed her, Willow was her best friend, and she missed their time together, their discussion and laughs.

Unfortunately, after their graduation, with the summer and the college, they were now apart. They saw each other only while they had classes together, and sometimes in the morning before.

Two weeks had passed. Buffy had finally found her cruising speed between slayage and college.

One day, a guy, Parker Abrams, asked her if she went to go out with him. At that, she said with mischievous eyes that she would be delighted to…break some parts of his anatomy. In fact, she hadn't had time to finish her sentence; her eyes had shown exactly her thoughts. Parker went blank and ran away quickly after some "O...Okay. Bye!" Some girls in the area were grinning at her comment, even applauding Buffy. Unfortunately for him, his reputation had preceded him.

Walsh's TA, Riley Finn had asked her too. He seemed a nice guy, but Buffy thought that that wouldn't be a good idea. Her heart was already taken, and even if the person who had it seemed not to want it, that wasn't fair to Riley. And with her studies and patrols, her time was committed elsewhere.

After a month and a half, professor Walsh gave them their essays back. She said that in general, they were good, at least not bad for a first essay; but there was one excellent (A+), a very promising student.

That excited Willow, Oz was...Oz, and Buffy was waiting.

They received their papers back. When Willow saw her note, she was a little disappointed, pleased, but disappointed, it was an A-. Oz had a B+, and as for Buffy, she had…an open mouth.

"Buffy. Buffy!" Willow tried, "What is it? It is so bad."

"Hmm," managed to say Buffy, then added, "No. Yes!" She closed her essay when Willow was going to see her note.

"What is your note?"' asked Willow with curiosity.

"B-." Buffy answered quickly.

"Buffy, that's great," smiled Willow, "well, I mean, it's not that awful. That's good."

Oz nodded silently.

They were walking in the hall, when suddenly, Buffy said, "Look you two, I… I want to talk with professor Walsh. I haven't for a long time." She turned back and returned toward the amphitheatre.

"Okay," said Willow," we're waiting for you, and don't worry Buff…" Willow hadn't finished; Buffy was already gone.

* * * * *

Professor Walsh was putting away her stuff and talking with one of her student when Buffy entered in the room. The student said his goodbye when Buffy said shyly, "Professor Walsh?"

Walsh raised her head in the direction of the voice, and said quickly, "Sorry, but if you have some concerns about your note; I suggest you to read my comment I made on it before."

"No, it's not…" Buffy stammered, "well, yes, it's just that…you put me…I had...an A+." She finished in soft voice.

Walsh looked intently at her and said, "You're Buffy Summers?"

Buffy nodded.

"And you have a concern because…" Walsh said in an interrogatory tone.

"No, well, it's just that I wonder-"

"Your essay was excellent, Buffy." Walsh cut her off, before adding, "You answered the subject with coherence and clarity. And it wasn't an easy subject--the place of mythologies and legends in our society and in psychology. I'm not a person who gives and accepts simplicity." Walsh said, taking her suitcase and walking out of the class.

"Keep it up. As I said, you're a promising student." And she left.

Buffy was under the shock, "Wow!" was the only thing that she managed to think.

Then, after she recomposed herself, she left the room. She was walking in the hall, when she heard Willow, "Hey, Buffy. So, that wasn't really good," she said tentatively, seeing Buffy's expression, and finished by "Don't worry, Giles will help you, I'm sure. And everything will be alright." She nodded with assurance. Buffy looked at her and nodded softly.

They were walking while Willow was rambling. Oz smiled at that, and Buffy was lost in her thoughts ever since Willow had pronounced the name of Giles. Nobody knew, and especially Giles, but after each patrol, she stopped by his flat, wanting to 'see' him by a window.

But what she didn't know was that Giles missed her to a point beyond what she could think. Each night, he prepared for her a cup of hot chocolate, just in case she should stop…in hope.

He missed her, but he didn't know what to do…call her, go to see her… wait. He was lost; and had the feeling that he had messed it up a lot that day, the last time she went…

* * * * *

Days passed, and Buffy did her best to handle everything. She was surprised and proud of herself to realize that she managed to succeed at everything; college and slayage both. That wasn't easy, but she managed to do it. Even if she felt a little satisfaction at that, she wasn't really happy, though; she felt herself missing…him. She missed Willow and Xander too, but was glad for them. They were happy, and, as their best friend, she was happy for them, but for herself…it was another story. When she was laid in her bed, after her patrol and her research at the Library, when her mind wasn't focusing on something, but was totally free, all her thoughts went to an only person. She thought about him always in fact, but here, in these moments, in her bed, it was stronger than the rest of the day. Not to mention her dreams…

Even in her state of sadness and missing him--which she hid successfully from Willow while they shared their class--she found very funny to see Willow as she tried in vain to find who was that mystery student who had almost, nearly every time, a better grade than she did herself. Willow saw Buffy grin when she was involved in her 'research,' but with a glare from her resolve face, Buffy only nodded and used her expression to say firmly, "You're right. I'm with you." But Willow wasn't really convinced about her sincerity…

When Buffy wasn't in class or patrol, she spent her time at the library for her studies and her research about demons.

During one of her patrols, she fell on a demon that she hadn't ever seen before. *Not a usual demon,* she thought, and to her reflection she added *Wait, since when demons are totally usual…* Then she shrugged; after all she lived on a place where supernatural was customary; in fact, the contrary was unusual.

She approached the demon to fight him, but quickly realized that she was going to lose the fight. The demon was stronger than her. But what was really terrifying her, was the fact that her blows didn't seem to affect him.

Fortunately, and paradoxically, some vampires came, and she used them as a diversion to escape from the demon. She reached her dorm room quickly. When she closed the door, she took a deep breath of relief.

"Buffy?" asked a sleepy Willow, "Everything's alright?" Her concern was audible.

"Will!" Buffy was surprised to find her here, "Yes, don't worry. It's just…I thought you were with Oz tonight." She tried to change the subject; she didn't want to talk about her earlier 'meeting' with that demon. *I really need to do some research about that.*

"Yes, I was," yawned Willow, "but I was so tired…You're sure, everything is fine, right?" She asked again. "I mean you would tell me if there was something-"

"Yes, Will." Buffy cut her off, "So, now stop worrying about me and go back to sleep. Apparently you need it, and so do I."

"Okay," that was all Willow needed to go back to sleep. She hadn't any reason to not believe Buffy.

Hearing her soft sleeping, Buffy smiled lightly with relief. It wasn't like she didn't want to talk with her, but there were too many things to explain now, and Buffy wasn't sure how to begin or even if she wanted to explain them, at least now. And then, with that new demon in town, she needed to concentrate on that new problem, alone. She didn't want her friends involved in that, seeing how that demon seemed so strong and, well, in a way, invulnerable. That had frightened Buffy. She needed to be sure they were safe--as safe as they could be on a Hellmouth.

With that she went to her bed to try to have some rest.

After a good night, Willow and Buffy rejoined Oz for their class, where they got back their last homework from their psychology class. As usual, Willow groaned when she heard that the mysterious student had once again received a better grade than she did; a thing that amused Buffy.

"You find it funny, don't you?" Willow glanced at her.

"A little, Will." Buffy winked to her. "Why are you so curious about it? I don't think that will change anything, and if that student wants to keep-"

"Buffy," Willow cut her off, "because, it will be only fair to know his or her identity. The better you know your enemy, the better you can defeat him." Willow said with conviction, "If someone knows that, it's us." She nodded fiercely.

"Enemy?" Buffy shook her head. So did Oz, though less lightly than Buffy.

"Yep," then she looking to her watch, "Oops, We should go, or we will late; Oz and I-"

Buffy raised her hand, "No need to explain," she smiled, and finished by a "So, go!" Buffy grinned, as she saw their friends went away hand in hand.

Once alone, she sighed lightly, and wished she could say the same about her and… She shook her head to clear her mind, *Don't go there. And I have some research to do.* With that, she went to the library.

* * * * *

AT THE LIBRARY

Buffy had been researching for a while now, switching between the books and Internet with no real success. She thought about taking a break when her attention was caught by a familiar figure, "That's it!" she exclaimed, loud enough that the other people in the room threw her a not very amicable glare. "Excuse-me," she said shyly. She returned her attention to the book, saying to herself, "I got you." She was satisfied by her discovery and undertook to read what she had found. It was a Pokara demon, rare, powerful--*What a surprise!*-- protected by an invisible barrier, *That explains a lot,* she thought; a barrier which could be erased thanks to a spell. A spell, which unfortunately could be only found in one book--The Pokara's Demonology--and which was written in an old language…"Etruscan." Buffy whispered. *Lucky me, I have some basis in that language. Who said curiosity was a nasty default…* she laughed softly. *And as for that book, there is only one place where it can be.* She smiled weakly, then made the decision to go there the next morning.

* * * * *

Buffy felt very nervous at the idea of seeing him. She wondered how he would react and if he would propose to help her with the demon. She hoped he could.

She was near his flat when she saw him go out. He wore only a tee shirt and a pair of shorts. *Wow!* was her only thought, seeing him prepare to jog. *Very very nice, I know that he is handsome but…here, and his legs. Big wow!* She was dreaming and was a little disappointed that she hadn't be able to see him longer.

Shaking her head, she focused on her purpose, the book. With Giles out, her plan could be modified. She saw here the opportunity to take the book without asking him.

She used her key that he had given her some time ago; when she entered his flat, though, she couldn't help but to be sad. She missed him so terribly, that it was awful. She didn't notice the tears that flowed on her cheeks; mechanically she wiped them away with her hands. It was a thing that she'd done a lot lately.

She went upstairs to look at his books, and Giles being Giles, she found very it quickly under the letter P.

She grinned at that, and smiled when she realized that even that didn't bother her.

Before she left the flat, she took a last look at that place, his place, where she felt secure and whole.

Then she turned and went back to the library; she had a lot to do.

Upon his return from his jogging, when he entered in his flat, Giles smelt a special and particular odour of vanilla. "Vanilla?" he whispered.

"Buffy!" he exclaimed happily. He looked around his flat, almost hoping she was there. Then, he faced the facts that there was nobody in it, especially Buffy.

He shook his head, "No, that's impossible. She hasn't come here for a long time. Why would she come? My imagination is playing with my mind. You're dreaming old man," he said sadly to himself, before going to upstairs to take a shower.

* * * * *

THE NEXT DAY, LATE IN THE AFTERNOON

When Willow came back to her dorm room, she began to be a little worried about Buffy. She hadn't seen her since that last afternoon. Buffy had let her a note yesterday in she told Willow that she would probably miss class all the day. Even if that wasn't her style to miss an entire day now, Willow presumed that she and Giles wanted to have some time together, or needed some Slayer/Watcher time. But that was yesterday. She began to look around the room to see if there was any sign that Buffy came back to their room today. On Buffy's bed, she saw their last psychology homework. She couldn't help herself and glanced at it; she had never really known Buffy's grade. Buffy had told her that it was okay.

*That couldn't be that bad.* She thought, opening it. She was shocked when she saw her grade…"Oh!" Her expression was wild with surprise. Thinking she hadn't seen it correctly, she blinked several times, and after a moment, accepted that it wasn't a mistake. The A+ was still there.

"So, Buffy is…She is…I can't believe it! Why she hasn't told me! I'm her best friend, she could have told me! She should have told me!" Her worry quickly forgotten, she dialed Giles' number in hope of having some explanation from a certain best friend who could have some big problems with a certain witch.

Giles had only the time to say Hello when he picked up his phone, when he was submerged by a tidal wave of rambling from Willow.

"Hi Giles. Buffy's there. Can I have a talk with my best friend, please? Best friend, yes, cause she's mine, and thought that I was hers too. But if I was, she should have informed me about that little thing… Don't you think? By the way, you should have told her that to hide that from her best friend--which I am--isn't in the best friend's rule. I can't belie-"

Several times, Giles tried to put in a word but without success, until now.

"Willow!" he screamed. That cut her off.

"Yes?" she said shyly.

"Could you, please, explain to me what you... are saying? Have you drunk some coffee? And why did you call here if you want to talk to Buffy?" He said his last sentence in a sad and soft voice.

That last part alarmed her. "Well, because, you and Buffy, I mean, you're together so-"

"Together?" Giles was lost, "What do you mean, Willow? I haven't seen her since," he sighed, "since some weeks now."

"You mean you, you aren't together, as a couple?" It was her turn now to be lost by what Giles said.

"Coup-le!?!" Giles stammered, "Why, why would you have the impression that…that Buffy and I are, were-"

"Because she told me that," Willow said softly.

"She what?" Giles was astounded.

Then, a fact hit Willow; if Buffy wasn't at Giles' so…" Giles!" she exclaimed worried, "I haven't seen her or heard from her for two days!"

"Willow," Giles said gently, "don't worry, I'm sure she's perfectly fine." He tried to be reassuring. But he wasn't really.

"But-"

"Why don't you call Xander and come to my flat. There, we could try to resolve this mystery about Buffy. Maybe Xander knows something." Giles said, but Willow could hear his worry.

*Buffy! Where are you? Please, please, let her be fine. Make her come back to me.* It was like a prayer.

Willow agreed, and said that she would ask Oz to come too. She called Xander to inform him about the situation. He told her that he and Anya would be at Giles' as soon as possible.

* * * * *

SOME TIME LATER, AT GILES'

All the gang was reunited in Giles' living room. Giles put the tray of tea, juice and cakes on the table, then sat down.

"So, the Buffster lied to us," began Xander, "why?"

"I have no idea, Xander." That was Giles' only answer; he too was as lost as the others about Buffy's attitude.

"She told us, some weeks ago, that you and she were together. I don't understand why she did that." Willow shook her head.

"I don't know either, Willow. I haven't seen her since - When did she tell you that?"

"It was around the beginning of college." Willow said.

*So, that could be the day when Olivia…* He thought.

"Well," Giles explained, "the last day I saw her was when… Olivia was here." Giles thought about that day. Painfully, he remembered now how hurt Buffy seemed to be at that moment. He hadn't noticed that until now, or hadn't wanted to see it.

"Who is Olivia?" Oz asked simply after a few moment of silence.

Giles looked at him, then smiled. He knew that Oz didn't mean to be curious or anything else, his only preoccupation for now as everyone else here was to find why and especially where Buffy could be here.

"She's…she's a friend." Giles said simply. Oz understood what he meant, as did Xander and Anya.

"A friend? I don't see why Buffy…" then Willow eyes grew big, "Oh! You mean a-"

"An orgasm friend," Anya said with her legendary tact.

Xander spilt her drink, "Honey, remember when we had that little talk about what to say and not to say in public. I think it's a good moment to remember it," he said.

"I don't see why. Giles and that Olivia had some orgasms, so she was his orgasm friend. Why couldn't I say that?" Anya shrugged.

"Okay, we will have another talk about some things. She's new to the human thing." Xander said shyly.

Anya looked at him, but before she could add something, Xander tried to change the subject, "Willow, are you sure about Buffy super student? I mean, you could have not correctly seen her grade."

Willow shook her head, "Nope." With that she took from her bag Buffy's last homework.

She showed them the grade, no mistake was possible. Xander nodded, "Okay, super slayer and super student. Yay for Buffy!"

Giles took it and looked at the grade. *Incredible!* He was surprised like the others, but not as surprised as them, to tell the truth. He knew that Buffy had some great potential; after all she had succeed very well in her evaluations. He was very proud of her.

Closing it, something on the cover drawn his attention. Buffy had written something on it. He couldn't believe it, or believe what he read.

"Willow." He said with some fear, "Since when…when have you had it?"

"Well, two days. Why?"

But Giles was lost in his thoughts; all they could be hear was, "So, yesterday, that wasn't a dream! She was really here! Oh no! Not that!" he said panicked. Then, he got up quickly and went upstairs without four confused people.

When Giles reappeared some moments later, fear and worry could be read on his face. He shook his head, repeating, "She took it."

"What happens Giles? What did she take?" Xander asked, as worried as the others to see Giles like that.

"Giles, what is it?" Willow tried.

Giles sat down; then, he began to explain to them, "Buffy took a book, the book," he took a deep breath, "the book to say the incantation. A special incantation."

"The Pokara's incantation." Anya said. She had looked at the cover and saw what was written there. Immediately, she realized what that meant.

Giles nodded.

"But she can't," Anya retorted.

"Someone could explain to us poor people here completely out of it what you just said?"

Giles and Anya looked at Xander.

"Yes, I mean, everyone in this place who didn't understand a word from you two, raise their hands." And Xander raised his.

"And she doesn't know the language," Anya said, ignoring Xander's comment.

"What language? And what incantation?" Willow asked.

Giles sighed, then "Apparently, Buffy met some demons, specific demons. The Pokaras. They are very dangerous. Not because they are good fighters, but especially because of their defense. An invisible barrier wrapped them. Only an incantation may erase it. That incantation is in a book, because obviously Buffy came here and took that book."

"Okay, I think we understood that part, G-man," Xander said, but gulped when he saw Giles' glare on him. "Sorry," Xander mumbled.

"It's written in Etruscan," Giles pursued.

"Why is that familiar to me?" Xander asked.

"Eyghon!" Willow said.

Giles nodded, "Yes."

Anya looked at them. "Eyghon?"

"Yes, Eyghon is the sleepwalker and-"

"I know who Eyghon is. Ex-vengeance demon here, remember. I know. But you, how do you know him?" She was curious and suspicious, especially when she looked at Xander.

"Well, hon, I'm not sure that's the real problem here."

Then Anya saw Giles turn red as a crayfish, and understood immediately.

"So Giles…" She grinned.

"Well, as Xander said, that's not the problem here. I remind you that Buffy could be in grave danger."

"But as said Giles, it's in Etruscan." Oz tried to be reassured.

"Not sure that may be a help," Willow said; everyone looking at her, "I'm sure she found a way…well, I know that she was curious about-" She looked at Giles, "You know. And like everything was in that language, I think she has some basis in it. So, I'm not sure the language may be a real problem. She can find a way to read it."

Giles couldn't believe it, Buffy had wanted to research Eyghon because of him. They really needed to talk soon, and then, he could tell her his feelings.

"But she can't!" Anya said again.

"Anya, honey, if she can read, Buffy-"

"Anya's right, Xander."

Anya smiled proudly.

Willow, Xander and Oz were looking at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Buffy can't use that spell alone. To realize that spell a watcher and a slayer are needed. That spell, the incantation, is very powerful. The energy must be canalized, slayer's energy and force; knowledge and force of the watcher. It's a real exchange. The watcher receives the slayer's essence, as the slayer receives the watcher's essence; with that they don't evaporate in the atmosphere, to simplify."

"And after that everyone gets back their own essence, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes, and no. Do I need to explain?"

"No, I think I will accept the 'yes and no' answer." Xander smiled.

"Good." Giles smiled back to him.

"Okay, so, Buffy can't realize it alone. That spell won't work." Willow said with relief.

"Unfortunately, no Willow." Giles said sadly,"Buffy can say it and even beat that demon. But after a few moments…" he couldn't finish his sentence, but said, "We must find her quickly. If not, we'll lose her," he said with emotion.

"You mean?"

"Yes, Willow," Giles tried to be strong, when he finished his sentence, "she'll die." But he was terrified.

All the gang were still under the shock of the last Giles' statement.

Giles asked to Willow if she had any idea where Buffy could be. She sadly shook her head 'No'. At that, Giles got up; they watched him search something. They hadn't reacted yet when they saw Giles push everything off of the table. Tray, glasses and other things crashed on the floor. Then, he placed on it a map of Sunnydale. The other wondered what he had in his mind, until they saw him put a pendulum over the map.

"Willow?" Xander whispered.

"Shh," Anya glared at him.

"What, Xander?" It was a soft murmur, to not disturb Giles and his concentration.

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?"

Willow looked at him with a 'What' expression, then a "Of course."

"Ok," he mouthed.

*Buffy, please, tell me, tell me where you are…Please, let me know where she is…* Giles supplied silently.

Everyone watched the scene before them in silence and hope when suddenly the pendulum pointed a place.

"Do you think it's the right place?" Anya asked sceptically.

Xander looked at the map and where the pendulum was fixed, "It's a cemetery, so, probably yes."

"And we don't really have a choice, so-" said Giles who was already almost at his door.

He had been so quick, that the others were still sitting, while he was almost outside, determined to save his slayer.

Nobody knew how they managed to arrive so fast at the cemetery with Oz's van. Well, in fact they had a little idea, especially when Giles grumbled to Oz things like "Could you please step on the bloody thing they call an accelerator! That might be a great help."

Willow, Xander and even Anya were mesmerized by Oz's reaction face to Giles. To Giles, Oz had just replied with calm, "I'm worried about her too." Giles looked at him, then nodded.

"That was fast…and the van is still in one piece!" Xander said, when they began to walk in the cemetery.

"Xander!" Willow rolled her eyes, "It's not really the moment!"

They had walked, in fact they had run, calling to her in the cemetery when Anya screamed to them, pointing in a direction, "She's here!"

Here, they saw a death demon, and beside him, at some distance, Buffy, between some ingredients and book that she had needed to perform the spell. She was laying there, unconscious, it seemed…

The instant that they saw her, Giles was immediately at her side. He turned her and put her on her back.

"Is she-" Willow couldn't finish it.

Worriedly, he searched for her pulse, and had a soft sigh of relief when he found one, weak but there.

"No, she's still alive." With determination, he took the book, "There is no time to lose."

"Anya, you know the language, if needed."

"Yes, but it was a long time, and I don't remember-"

"That will be enough," Giles cut her off firmly.

"Okay, excuse-me if I wanted to warn you about that. But if something is wrong, I prefer to let you know you that it won't be my fault." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Giles blinked but said nothing; he had other things in his mind.

"An, honey, for once, I'm sure it's not the best moment to-"

"What! I wanted only-"

"Giles? What…what are you doing?" Willow stopped the argument between them, before Giles completely lost patience.

"Perform the spell, try to complete it and," looking at his beautiful unconscious slayer, laying over the floor, "bring her back."

A few moment later, Giles was saying some words, and although he pronounced them, he fall on the chest of his slayer.

"They're cute." Anya said too naturally. The others looked at her with stupefaction.

"What?" she shrugged, "They are."

* * * * *

SOMEWHERE

Buffy was sitting on the floor, grumbling. She couldn't believe it, there was nothing, absolutely nothing. She was waiting, in a soft light. At the beginning, she thought that maybe it was normal, but now after those first few moments, which seemed an eternity, she was a little angry at, well, at 'them'.

"Hey! I'm still here!" She shouted after a moment of silence. She had enough of waiting and wished something, anything would happen. But she hadn't thought a second that it would be what occurred next.

"Buffy?" A known voice said, emerging from a sort of cloud.

"No, it's not…that can't be…" She couldn't believe it.

She turned slowly where the voice came from. Except that now, it was not anymore an unknown form, but…Him.

"Giles?" She asked tentatively.

"Buffy!" he said with relief and joy.

He took her in his arms and held her tightly. Buffy hadn't moved yet; she was still under the shock of his presence.

Gently she moved her arms around him and hugged him back.

"Giles," Buffy managed to say, "how? Why? What are you doing here? I can't believe you're really here. At first I thought it was my imagination, but you seem too real. So How?" she said in one breath.

Giles looked at her with a lot of emotions; he was perplexed, relieved, happy and also angry at her. Taking a deep breath, "Buffy, I think I'm the one to ask you what you are doing here."

He didn't know how to react at what she said to him, "I'm waiting for the big light."

He looked at her with surprise; he couldn't believe it.

"You know, I wonder if it's not a big lie after all. Cause I've beenhere for a long long time and nothing, nada, rien!" She said dramatically.

Giles was lost by her attitude.

"We were waiting for him to come." They heard a voice coming from a big light. Then, a form got out from it.

"At last! You took your time; and wait, you were waiting for Giles?" Buffy exhaled.

"Buffy, I'm sure that there is an explanation. And me?" Giles asked incredulously.

"Yes." The messenger of the PTB answered.

"Excuse-me!" Buffy exclaimed, "I'm not happy with that; I was the first here, and I've been waiting here for a long time." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Buffy?!?" Giles was astounding by her reaction.

"Not a so long time. And you haven't understood. We were waiting for him…for you."

The expression of Buffy was a total "Huh?!?"; as for Giles, it was not so different.

"What do you mean by that?" Giles asked.

"I don't care about that. I'm here for a long time," Buffy glared at the messenger, "I'm the first."

"And you are. But his coming was necessary."

Giles blinked, it was surrealistic.

The messenger pursued, "As I said," he looked from Giles to Buffy, "we were waiting for the coming of Rupert to offer you the choice."

"The choice?" Buffy and Giles said in unison.

He nodded silently.

"The choice?" Giles repeated.

"The choice for Buffy to go with me or," turning to Giles, "to go with you." The messenger explained.

"I see." Giles moved lightly his head, "So, she can go and live."

The messenger agreed in silence.

Buffy was watching the exchange and hadn't said a word yet; then Giles took her hand and said, "In that case, the choice is made. We're going."

"No," she whispered.

Giles stopped dead. He hadn't imagined, even for a second that she could refuse to go with him.

"I…I beg your pardon!" He tried to stay calm, "What…what have you said?"

"I said, no. I don't want to go with you." She told softly, not looking at him.

His eyes closed, Giles put one of his hands at his head, massaging lightly his temple. "Buffy," he tried again, "whatever the problem is, we can talk about it," he looked around him, "outside." He wanted to reason with her.

She turned to the messenger, "Why? Why is he here? There is no reason for his presence!" She said aloud.

"He's here, because contrary at what you said, you haven't chosen. With him here, you have the possibility to really make your choice." The messenger replied.

Hearing that, Giles was lifted from his dream, or rather nightmare. He regained hope. Nothing was lost, and even if in appearance Buffy seemed to be sure of what she wanted, it wasn't the reality.

"Buffy-"

"No, Giles." This time she was determined, "I said that I didn't want to go with you. I meant it. I don't go anywhere, except in that light!" She shouted at him.

Giles couldn't take any more, he put his arms on hers, and shaking her, he screamed at her, "Buffy, do you realize what you are saying?"

"Of course, I do." She retorted to him, "What do you think? That I'm so stupid and completely crazy that I can't even know what I say!" she was too angry.

Giles sighed, "Stupid, no. Crazy, for now, I keep my opinion to myself, seeing you." He tried to get back his calm.

"Giles!"

"Buffy," he began, "he said that you are not obligated to go with him, to…" He was painful to say it, but he got on himself to tell it, "to die, Buffy." He was looking at her seriously. "You can choose to go with me and decide to live."

"Why?" She asked, looking at him.

"What?"

"Yes, Why? Give me a reason why I should go with you rather than go into the light."

Giles was dismayed.

Before he could say something, she raised her hand, "And don't talk about my duty as the slayer; Faith is here, remember." Then, in a murmur, she added, "And, it's not like someone will miss me."

Little by little, things began clear for Giles. He began to understand what his slayer had tried to tell him.

"You can't say that, Buffy. You have no right to tell me things like that. Do you forget your friends? Do you think they won't be sad, and they won't miss you?"

"At the beginning, but after some time I'm sure they will be okay, and…and-"

"No Buffy. They won't. What do you think, Buffy? They are here, there," he put his hands in the air. "Willow, Xander, Oz and even Anya are" he moved again one of his hand in the air, "outside, waiting for you!"

"For You!" He shouted again.

She said nothing. She couldn't, she knew that he was right; but how, how to tell him, how to explain to him that…She closed her eyes.

"I have nothing there, Giles," she said softly.

Giles struggled to remain himself and to not explode.

"That's wrong! You have friends…and me!"

"No, nothing!" She cried, "and especially not you!"

"Buffy," Giles said gentle, "you're wrong. You have me, you always have me."

She shook her head sadly, "No, I haven't."

"Buffy, believe me."

She shook her head again in negation. "No, you tell me that only because you want me to follow you. And after, I know that you will let me." She was in tears.

"No, Buffy, never!"

"Yes, and…" she sobbed, "and you have the right to have a life, Giles. Without my problems and me. Like that you will be happy, and have a real life."

"Buffy, no! How can you say that!" He couldn't actually believe what she said, how she could think that, how! He wondered what…*Of course.* He realized.

"Buffy," he caressed her cheek, "my sweet Buffy, how could you think that? Don't you understand that without you, I have no life." His eyes on her were tender, full of love.

"No, please," it was a plea from Buffy.

"Please what? Tell me Buffy." He urged her.

"Please,…don't say things like that just…just to take me back. It hurts too much."

"Why? Buffy, explain to me."

"Because…because I'm in love with you!" she said, trying to contain her tears.

"Oh, Buffy!" He took her in his arms. "I've been in love with you since…always."

He felt her shake her head.

"Buffy," he took her face in his hands, "Look at me!" "Look at me!" He repeated.

He waited that she looked at him, in his eyes, in his soul. Maybe, if she didn't believe his words--he suspected that she was afraid to believe--she could believe him. He hoped she could see his unconditional love for her.

"Buffy, I don't say that for you to follow me. That would be a horrible and monstrous thing from me."

"I know, not consciously but-"

"No, but." He cut her off, putting his fingers on her mouth. "I say that because I love you. You're my life."

He hoped he had succeeded in convincing her, and was almost sure he had when suddenly, a voice reminded them that they weren't alone.

"Time for you to go." The messenger said to Giles.

Buffy was looking at him, crying.

"What! No! You said that I would be here until she made her choice." Giles said desperately.

"And she did." The messenger replied calmly.

"Buffy?" Giles turned to her, held to her so tightly by the fact he was so afraid, full of fear to have failed, to not have managed to convince her. *That can't be! I refuse to believe that!*

"I did, Giles. I'm sorry." She sobbed.

Then, when she said to him her next words, he hadn't suspected that he could feel so much pain.

"Forgive me." She was looking at him in tears.

"Buffy, No!"

Then, he was gone.

She watched him disappear. There was only her and the messenger now.

"You chose. Are you sure?" He asked.

"Why? I can't change my mind now that he's gone. Like you said-"

"I said that with his presence, you had the possibility to make your choice. Which that meant that you had all the elements to take your decision." Then, he added, "Having and knowing that, if you wish, you can still change your choice."

"No," she said firmly.

He leaned his head, "So, the choice is made. It will be respected."

* * * * *

IN THE MEANWHILE, AT THE CEMETARY

Giles woke up slowly, mumbling "Buffy."

"Giles? Giles?" Willow called him softly.

"Will-Willow?"

"Yes," she responded.

"Giles, are you okay. And Buffy?" Xander asked with eagerness.

Giles blinked several times, he was really with them, half laying over his Buffy.

Everyone waited impatiently for him to say something, or…Buffy.

He looked at them, then, ghostly, he turned his gaze to his slayer. He took her in his arms, and he couldn't keep his tears anymore. He was crying hard.

"Giles, are you- are you ok?" Willow was beginning to be very afraid, as were the others.

"Buffy! Why? Why haven't you believed me? Why?" He was rocking her, "My love, my Buffy!" He was in tears.

"You…you mean-" Xander couldn't finish his sentence; tears in his eyes.

"No!" Willow cried. Oz took her in his arms and hugged her tightly; he didn't know what to say to her, to them; and the truth was, he wasn't sure he was able to speak.

Anya hadn't known until now that she could feel that sort of feeling, a such sadness. She searched for Xander, incomprehension in her eyes; he took her hand, then, they held each other. Never had they held each other like that.

As for Giles, he was still holding Buffy.

His life.

TBC

* * *