Dear Diary,
A Mary Poppins, that's what it was...practically perfect in
every way. I wish everyone in the world could feel like I do
right now. Loved and content. So simple and so profound.
The last twenty-four hours have been the most beautiful in
all my life.
I don't want to spend too long away from Rupert, not that he's
very far away. In fact, he's sitting about 10 feet from me.. but
that's the farthest apart we've been since I arrived here.
We both resolved to make these entries, even though we could
have happily stayed in bed the rest of the day... bed is a good
thing. But we both wanted to take a few minutes at least to record
our memories while they're still fresh. Who knows how often I'll
read these pages? How long I'll have to live off the memories I'm
about to write. I don't want to think about that right now... so...
Enough wondering... and on with the wonder.
I guess, I'll start at the beginning, clever girl that I am... And the
beginning would be late yesterday (Sat.) morning. We'd finished
breakfast and I'd gotten caught up with you, dear diary... when
Rupert told me we were going to the New Forest.
Now, I'm not sure why they call it "new"... It's really sort of old.
Well, everything here seems old to an American. In the states,
200 years is like ancient.. and here, that's just a piffle.
Anyway, on to the New Forest. We, meaning Rupert - he really
loves to cook which is great, who knew?... Rupert packed a picnic
lunch, and even though we knew it was going to be pretty darned
cold, we figured we could manage. And we were pretty well bundled
up and had each other for warmth. You see, that was part of my
wicked plan.. to start freezing to death and have to use Rupert's
body heat to stay alive.
The Forest was a very short drive from the cottage. We found a
spot to park and began hiking into the interior. It's an amazing
place, all sort of landscapes. Open fields, we even saw some wild
ponies, small rivulets that wind their way into the forest proper.
The forest in the middle of winter always seemed sort of sad to
me. All the leaves gone, the trees looking so bare and lonely..
but for some reason, well one reason (Giles) this place looked
welcoming and beautiful. Like it was resting, waiting to begin again.
The skies were grey, and had a cloudy, almost misty feeling. It
made the rest of the forest feel sort of mystical. It was cold,
and not just California cold, but actual cold. Not so much to
make it uncomfortable, just to put a quick snap in the air and
that sharp tingly feeling on your cheeks and that numbness on
the tip of your nose.
I'd never seen Rupert dressed like he was, all wrapped in a warm
coat. He had gloves, but didn't wear them. He said he wanted to feel
my hand in his. Have I mentioned how much I love this man?
We must have walked for over an hour before we really got into
the woodsie part of the woods. The trees were bare, their
darkened trunks standing out against the steely sky. There were
patches of snow on the ground, just a few here and there. The
snow was silvery and glistened with an icy sheen, sort of like
frosting.
We just walked and walked, not saying much really. The forest was
so quiet. The only sound was the snapping of the twigs snap under
our feet and the pounding of our hearts. It felt almost holy and to
speak felt like it would have been sort of disrespectful.
And then I saw it or heard it... I'm not sure which happened first.
I wasn't even sure what it was for a second and then I realized...
it was a deer. It was off the little path we'd been following and was
standing perfectly still at the base of a small grove of trees. Its
coat was nearly the same color as the woods and so it nearly blended
in with the background.
It just stood there... watching us.
It's funny. I'd sort of felt like someone had been walking with us, but
I didn't say anything. I wonder if it was the deer all along.
So, there the three of us stood, watching each other. I took a step
toward it and Giles tried to hold me back not wanting to scare it
away. But it didn't run, I knew it wouldn't. Don't ask me how, but
I knew. Slowly, we walked over to it and it just stood its ground not
the least bit afraid. It just stood there like it was waiting for us.
When we got about 15 feet away, it turned and started to move
into the small grove. It walked about 20 feet and then stopped
and turned back to us.
It was like it wanted us to follow. And so we did.
I took Giles' hand again and in utter silence we followed the
animal deeper and deeper into the forest. We were working
our way through a sort of thicket when we lost sight of the deer.
We struggled through the dense bushes until we finally emerged
on the other side. And even now, it seems like a dream. I know
this is going to sound nutty, but it's the truth. I swear.
There in the middle of winter, was a beautiful green glade. A
carpet of clover covered the small knolls, wild flowers ringed
the edges, as small green shrubs gave way to towering trees.
And it was warm and sunny. Like summer. This little pocket of
summer, of life... in the cold winter. It doesn't make any sense.
When we first stepped into it, I could feel Rupert tense for a
moment, but I just smiled and the worry left his eyes. We both
knew this was an enchanted place, but it was pure and good..
there wasn't even a hint of badness. It was just pure nature...
and we were awed by it.
I stood there like a dork for second and then suddenly took off
my coat and let the sun warm me. Later, I even took off my shoes..
I've always wanted to walk on a carpet of clover. It sort of tickled,
but felt wonderful.
We explored the glade for a while, smelling the richness of grass,
the fragrance of the flowers. It was incredible. In the middle of
winter, this oasis of life. It was so alive... and so beautiful. I'd
never seen anything more beautiful, and then I looked at Giles
and realized I'd had something this beautiful with me all along.
Rupert. I know, I know.. that's about as corny as it gets... but
it's the truth. So there!
He's the most amazing man... how can he be everything I need?
So strong and so gentle... wise and yet still filled with wonder.
I wish you could have seen the way his eyes lit up when we
explored the glade... and then.. the way he looks at me... like
he can see right inside me.. and actually likes what he sees...
What can a man like that see in a woman like me?
We laid out our picnic and ate under the warmth of the sun.
After our meal, we lay back on the soft earth, in each others
arms and there has never been a more content couple in all
the world. We just kissed and held each other. I know it's
going to sound weird, but here I am in this amazing glade,
an enchanted place, and the only thing I can really see is
Giles. The rest of eden fell away as I lost myself in him.
We must have stayed like that for hours... not really saying
much, just looking at each other... the next thing we knew.. the
sun was edging below the tallest trees.
We hated to leave, but to all good things... and honestly... as
much as I didn't want to leave the glade, I still had Rupert and
I knew that was all I ever really needed.
We started back into the thicket, and we hadn't gone more
than a step or two when I turned back to get one last look.
I know what you're thinking... it's very Lot's wife of me... but well,
I couldn't help it and I didn't turn all salt pillary so it worked out.
Anyway, I looked back and it was gone. The stark winter forest
had taken its place as though it had never even existed. If I'd been
alone, I would have just thought it was a dream, but if it was,
Rupert had the same one.
We walked back into the main part of the forest and with the
day starting to fade it grew colder kind of fast... but luckily, I
had a human heater with me. Rupert is verrrry warm. And there
is nothing quite like a cold night kiss.
Living in Southern California we don't really get those, but
they're the best. First, he sort of rubbed my hands between
his and blew on them... then he pulled me to his chest and
slid my hands under his coat as his arms went around me.
Then he gently rubbed my back as he leaned his head down
and kissed me. Oh, makes me all gooey just thinking about it...
and with the air so cold and crisp and his mouth so warm and
wonderful.... okay, where was I?
Oh, the forest. Right. We had a pretty long hike out and it
was almost dark when we got back to parking area. That's
when we saw a Ranger, I mean Keeper. Isn't that cool? A
Keeper... He was this adorable little old man...like Barry
Fitzgerald but not Irish, but sort of. We asked him about
the glade and he got this funny look in his eyes. I don't
think he believed us at first and I'm not really sure what
made him change his mind. He gave us a hard looking
over. You hear about people doing that, but he actually
did. Like he had special liar radar or sonar, I guess it'd
be liar sonar...
Anyway... somewhere along the way, he smiled... and it
was one of those special smiles, a secret smile. A precious
secret about to be shared...
He said that the Glade is an old legend of the forest. Most
people just think it's just an old wive's tale, but supposedly
the Glade is the forest's heart. And only a very few people
have ever gotten to see it... The forest only shows it's heart
to true lovers and favored ones at that. He said the last people
rumored to have seen it were Prince Edward and Wallis
Simpson just before they married back in '37.
I don't know what to think.. but I love the idea that the forest has
a heart and that it would choose us to share it with.. and on
"our" Valentine's day too. That's about as special as it gets... or
at least that's what I thought. But for me, the best was yet to come.
We got back home... home... funny.. I've been here two days
and it feels like home. Rupert built up the fire again and started
dinner, while I set the table. This was our Valentine's Day dinner
and we both wanted it to be special. So, I probably overdid it on
the candles, but the cabin didn't burn down, so that's a plus. But
between the fire and candles, the smell of the wine sauce and
the soft music. It was about as romantic as it gets. I even brought
a sort of nice dress just in case and I'm glad I did. I think Rupert liked it.
Dinner was, of course, perfect... Chicken Madeira... and I
managed to almost make it all the way through dinner without
saying, "Have some chicken madeira, m'dear... You really
have nothing to fear..".. but because I am a true geek... it just
came out... you cannot repress the inner-geek forever.
Luckily, Giles laughed and bless his heart... recited the next
lines... "I'm not trying to tempt you, that wouldn't be right, You
shouldn't drink spirits at this time of night." And he said it with
this glint in his eyes as he poured more wine. Is he not the
most ginchiest person on the planet?
After dinner, which was delicious, we had rose petals and white
chocolate for desert. It was just incredible and then he gave me
my gift. I just sort of sat there with tears in my eyes. I don't think
I had ever felt so loved.
It's a necklace. A choker made from one strand of silver, woven
into an Ulbster cross... a Celtic symbol of eternity... he said that's
how long he'll love me...for eternity... and if that weren't enough...
he said he had the necklace blessed for protection. And not just
by a Priest or a Rabbi, but by a Priest *and* a Rabbi and a
Wiccan High Priest and a Buddist and a Hindu and about a
dozen other holy men and women. I think he covered nearly
every religious order I've ever heard of. He said I was too
precious to take any chances with. He watched each blessing to
make sure they did it right.
So, then I cried again. I couldn't help it. I've never been loved
so much before and I don't really know how to feel. It's sort of
overwhelming.
Then I gave him his gift. I think he liked it. He got very quiet and
just looked at it. I think it made him a little sad. I didn't mean to
do that, that's the last thing I wanted to do. I asked him if he was
okay and he nodded and then smiled, but his eyes were glistening.
I told him I thought it would make him happy.
And he laughed and kissed me, but I could feel the tears on
his cheeks. I didn't say anything about them, I kinda felt like he
didn't want me to. Maybe I'll ask him later.
How can I feel like this... one the one hand, like I've known him
forever... and on the other... everything is new.
Anyway, after dinner we sat by the fire. Maybe it was the wine
or the fire, or the rose petals.. are those an aphrodisiac? Or
maybe it was the gorgeous sexy man sitting next to me... but
as I started playing with the placket of his shirt, I could hear
his heart beating. And then I let my hand drift across his chest
and I could hear his heart race a little. Such a little thing, but
it really started to get to me. The feeling of his broad chest
under my hand, the muscles and the rest...
I can't believe I did it, but I made the first move. Yes, me...
Willow Rosenberg, was the first move maker. I was tracing
patterns on shirt and then, just slipped my hand between the
buttons and against his skin. I heard him sort of take a quick
breath and felt his heart pound under my touch.
I laid my hand over his heart and felt it flutter, just like mine.
He looked down at me and took hold of my hand and kissed it.
First the back, then my palm and I knew this was it. The moment
I'd dreamt about for five years.
I still can't quite believe I was so bold, but there's something
about Rupert. Being with him makes me feel like I can do
anything. Anything.
I moved slowly, but not shyly... For maybe the first time in my
life.. I wasn't feeling the least bit shy. I wanted him to know how
much I wanted this. How much I wanted him. I moved into his
lap and straddled his legs. I rested my knees on the sofa, on
either side of his thighs and I leaned forward and I kissed him...
Just a gentle on his forehead, then slowly kising inch by inch
down his face to his mouth.... wow.
Goddess... it was amazing. The way he held me, the way he
touched me. The way he made me feel. And then when the
kiss finally broke, the way he looked at me.
I've only been with two other people, only one other man and
Oz was really still more boy than man, so my experience is
limited, to say the least. But I know... I know what Rupert and
I shared was something special. Something rare. Something
perfect.
I'd always wondered why they called it making love. And now
I know.
***
We both woke up early this morning and made love again as
the sun came up. It was slow and tender... like drifting over the
waves on the ocean. It was like we were moving with nature's
rhythm... so beautiful.
After that, we floated on the edges of sleep - his hand resting
against my stomach and his chest pressed to my back. What a
wonderful feeling that is. Half asleep, half awake... and completely
in love.
Eventually, we managed to get up and showered together. Another
first for me. Slippery soapy Giles... it was erotic and yet, intensely
loving too.
And he washed my hair. No one's ever done that before. Who
knew conditioning could be such a turn on? Next time.. we cream
rinse too!
Well, I guess that catches you up.
So, here we are hastily scribbling memories. And as I look
across the room and see the man I love... I think it's time to
make a few more.