__A Little Tea and Sympathy__
By Monique and David Barton




Dear Giles,

A little tea and sympathy would go a long way right
now.

I should have known that I couldn't hide anything from
you. Not that I was hiding anything, I mean I was, but
only because I didn't want to be a burden. I know how
things were last time and I swore to myself that would
never happen again.

You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Or do
you? I think you always know more than you let on. You
just sit back and wait knowing I'll spill eventually
I suppose this is eventually.

Tara and I broke up. I'm doing okay really. It
happened over a month ago now. I didn't want to say
anything because... I don't know. I guess I figured
you guys didn't want to hear about it. I know I sort
of went wiggy after Oz and I broke up, so I thought
I'd go minimalist this time.

And I'm doing okay really. And in a strange way,
that's what's most depressing. I mean, I miss her. I
do. But I miss having someone, the little things, more
than I miss her. Do you know what I mean? We'd been
sort of drifting apart since the end of summer.
Nothing big, just little course corrections that left
us going in opposite directions. Then one day, you
wake up and she's in the Pacific and I'm in the
Atlantic.

Buffy and Xander have been really supportive, in their
own way. Xander said he was surprised it lasted so
long, being a rebound relationship and all. I never
really thought of it that way. And Buffy thinks I was
just angry and hurt by a man so I switched teams. I
don't know what to think. Maybe I was running away
from something. I don't know.

What I do know is that Tara and I were and are good
friends, but one day we just sort of looked at each
other and that's all we were. It's funny how things
can be right in front of your face and you don't see
it. I guess sometimes we see what we want to see
what's easiest to see.

So, I'm a single girl again. And maybe that's what I'm
supposed to be. I mean, relationships aren't for
everyone, right? I tried to look back and see where
things went wrong and I don't have the slightest idea.
All I remember is feeling sort of lonely the last few
months. Even when I was with Tara, part of me felt so
alone. And I know I'm not, I know it's all just in my
head, but my heart doesn't get it.

Maybe I'm destined to be one of those old spinster
ladies who smell funny and have too many cats.

I never really thought of myself as selfish. But maybe
I am. Maybe I'm just an icky, skanky person. I have
everything you could want. I'm healthy, I have good
friends, I love school. I have everything. So why do I
feel so empty? I sort of miss the way I felt after Oz
left. Angry hurt afraid. At least there was something
there. Anything's better than this feeling.

For the last few months or so, it's like some big part
of me is missing. And it's not Tara. I feel awful
saying that, but I felt this way sometimes even when I
was with her. I guess she felt it too and well, that's
a poopy kind of relationship. I don't know what's
wrong with me.

I've tried everything and nothing seems to work. Well,
nothing except tea. Sometimes, I'll make a pot and
snuggle up with a book and, this is going to sound so
stupid and pretend you're still here. The tea makes
me think of you and I feel a little better.

Anyway, when I'm not wallowing in self-pity I manage
to keep pretty busy. There's something going on with
Buffy's mom, I'm not sure what it is, but Buffy's been
sort of busy with that, so Xander, Anya and I have
been patrolling. I dusted two all by myself the other
night. Willow the Vampire Slayer! Okay so it was more
like tripping and falling and lucky bush placement,
but still... Dust is dust, right?

Riley's been sort of Mr. No Show these days, maybe
he's just worried about Buffy and her mom. I guess
he's having trouble playing Lois Lane after being
Clark Kent for so long. The Initiative did a little
nip and tuck on him and he's back to being a regular
Joe. It must be hard to lose something you've just
taken for granted would always be there.

Luckily, things have been pretty quiet so far. No big
evil on the horizon or anything. So that's good.

School is going well. I really love my Anthropology
class. Professor Dante is great. He sort of reminds me
of you. He treats me like a person and not just
another student. I think I might TA for him next
semester. Hellmouth willing.

Okay. I am done feeling sorry for myself. Time to pick
myself up by my bootstraps (note to self: buy some
boots) and get on with my life. If there's one thing
living here has taught me is that you better enjoy
life while you can.

That's why I'm so happy for you. You needed to leave
and you did. I really respect that and I hope you're
living the life you want. I know you left because what
you wanted wasn't here. I hope you find what you're
looking for.

This is going to sound silly. But would you do me a
favor? Would you drink some tea when you read this? I
know you probably will anyway, but could you make
sure? It would sort of be like we were together...
just talking, sharing a little tea and sympathy.

Love,
Willow

***

Dearest Willow,

Firstly... When I read your letter for the first time,
every time since, and now as I write my reply, I have
made very sure to have tea poised near by as per
your request. Truth be told, I always drink tea when
I read your letters anyway... Tea has joined a rather
long list of things that remind me of you.

Thought you might like to know.

Willow... Please don't ever consider yourself or your
feelings a burden. They never are and never were. I
always thought myself privileged that I was one of the
people you could share them with. I might not always
have shown this properly... but I do.

I'm terribly saddened to hear that you and Tara split up.
Gods, that sounds terribly dry, doesn't it? But I am Willow.
I must be honest, I tended to agree with Xander's
assessment regarding Tara... she never did seem
quite right for you in my eyes. She never seemed
to be the one your heart was looking for to me...
oh, please don't consider this an judgement, of any
sort... let me start again.

As truly unsuited as I probably am on giving advice
in relationships... I can probably assist in dealing
with ones that never quite worked out. I think, that
after Oz... who you were truly in love with, and was...
quite good for you... after Oz... you were sent
somewhat reeling. I think it was in many ways the
fault of myself... and Buffy and the others, but you
found yourself reaching out to someone, anyone,
who would show you the affection you needed...
hence Tara.

At least, in some ways... This was how I felt, after
Jenny was taken from me. While there were other
things, predominantly Angel of course, at the time,
that distracted me from my personal feelings, they
never left me. In fact, maybe these situations intensified
these feelings and hence further down the line, Olivia.

So, Willow... I think I know what you were going
through (I will not, and neither will anyone else,
ever know exactly what you are feeling.) and your
reactions to the situations... were not bad, or
wrong. They don't cast any light on you as a person,
except to show that you are a person. That you react,
that you have feelings, and that you make choices.

To what Buffy said, about men hurting you... I truly don't
believe so. I feel that had a man showed you the same
level of affection, the same respect for you as a person
that Tara had... Or perhaps not. I feel that in most cases,
it is a person's personality, we are attracted to. If you are
able to ignore gender, all the better. Love is hard enough
to find... cutting the candidates in half to start with, is
probably rather silly.

Now... what is this ridiculous tosh and nonsense
about you being destined to be single for life? Pfftt.
Willow, you are a wonderful, warm, intelligent human
being. There is no reason at all for you to be, or to
feel alone... you tried with Tara, and now know she
wasn't right for you that she didn't make you less...
alone. Still, you tried. No one can fault you for that.
The right person is out there for you Willow. You're
young, you have an entire life ahead of you... and
somewhere out there, is someone... who can love you
how you deserve to be loved, you can fill that loneliness
in your heart, someone who can return to you that very
special feeling you can bring to others. Someone
who lives for you, and only for you. Someone who
can give you a future. I know there is Willow. You
are the kind of person, someone could easily fall in
love with.

It's funny you mention tea reminding you of me...
As perhaps strangely, it does me of you now. My tea
consumption has gone from prolific, to heroic. Drinking
tea, while reading and rereading your letters, thinking
of you... these are some of the high points of my days now.

I have to say the last few months have not been a fun
time for me either. I'm missing you, quite, quite terribly.
All of you. It is terrible, on the fortunately rare sunny days.
On those days... When I think of my home, in Sunnydale,
of what I left behind... I feel alone.

Still, that said, and the maudlin ramblings of an old man
fit for the asylum aside, it is quite... nice to be in England
again. And I started work recently, at a local library. Just
part time of course, but at least I'm finally finding a use for
myself!

Please convey to Buffy my best wishes, and to her mother.
I hope she is well, by the time this letter reaches you.
However, if you could gently remind her, she is the Slayer...
leaving yourself, Xander, and Anya to patrol, while O.K
in a stretch, could be habit forming.

Willow, please don't sell yourself short. Killing two vampires
is a heroic achievement. I'm very proud of you. And I
have to say that if you had been the Slayer, well, I would
have been surplus to requirements much earlier!

I hope Riley doesn't let his reduced abilities become
a serious problem between him and Buffy. I understand
how he feels however... it is quite hard, waking up one
day and finding ones self useless.

I'm glad to hear that things are quiet on the paranormal front...
this doesn't mean you should all become lax, however.
Sunnydale has a way of getting to you most when it is quiet.
Please be careful.

I'm glad school is going so well. Professor Dante sounds
like a fine teacher.

Willow... I should say one thing... you seem to be under
somewhat of a misconception, as to why I left Sunnydale...
I didn't leave, because I wanted something I couldn't find
there... More because what I wanted there, I knew could
never have.

Now... I hope you don't think this ungallant of me, but as
you asked a request of me at the end of your last letter,
which I dutifully fulfilled... now, I ask one of you to. When
you put this letter down, I want you to go over to your mirror.
And I want you to look at what you see there. Not just the
beautiful woman who stares back, but at the person there...
as real and as allowed to fail, as anyone else. Please do this
for me... you seem to have forgotten, just how special you are.

In all the time I have been away, I have never actually
wished to be back in Sunnydale, until now. I truly hurts
me to see you like this. I wish I could be there, to comfort
you, to help you feel better about yourself... to show you
that people do love you....

Ah, my brother has just arrived. We're set for lunch today.
I'll tell you all about that in another letter. Until then, know that
there is at least one Englishman, far, far away who's thinking
of you.

Yours always,
Giles

P.S. One of the young ladies on the staff here was kind
enough to inform me of what skanky meant. Willow, if
you ever refer to yourself in that way in the future...I'll be
very upset.


* * *