__Split Perfection__
By Gabi
"Giles, no!"
The sharp pain dissolved in a cloud of blackness.
****
Giles woke in the leftovers of modern society. Broken appliances, empty packages still advertising their content as "extra crispy" or "guaranteed to make cleaner than clean", some toys and things he could no longer identify as anything. His head was hurting. He sat up hissing as a piece of wire pressed into his palm. He looked around trying to remember where he was. Yes, there had been a demon, he had tried to fight off its attack and then had blacked out. He had no idea how long he had been gone. He looked at his watch. 10.30 pm. Must have only been a few minutes. He got up groggily.
"Buffy?"
He looked around. Nobody was there. The fear that the demon had gotten the others hit him. But looking around he realized that couldn't have happened.
They had been able to hold their own in the fight. There was no way that demon could have defeated not only Buffy but the others as well *and* had disposed of their bodies. So they must have killed it. Or it got away. He sighed, relieved. Then he frowned.
They had simply left him lying in a pile of rubbish, walking away without a second glance. Then again, what had he expected? That Buffy would rush to him and carry him home? Not bloody likely. An inner voice told him that Buffy and the others wouldn't have forgotten him, but he shushed it.
~ 'I need you to be my Watcher again.' ~ So much for his Slayer's need for him...
He wondered how he could have believed for a second that Buffy - or the others for that matter - had changed since last year. He should have known that his place in their life was the convenience not having to look up stuff themselves. Well, he had better things to do with his life than to wait for them to come to him when they needed him. If there was an emergency tonight, Buffy would just have to do without him.
One hour later he was sitting in a bar already quite drunk. Not drunk enough to forget why he had started drinking in the first place, but drunk enough not to care about what he was doing. A pretty young waitress passed him, when he stopped her.
"Why don't you come home with me and I can show you that British men aren't stiff at all, except for the part that matters?"
The waitress gave him a supercilious look. Not that the man wasn't
good-looking, but he was drinking to forget and at any rate she doubted that he would be able to get anything up except for perhaps his dinner.
"What is her name?"
"Huh?"
"Of the girl that you want to forget?"
Giles growled and ordered another beer.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Buffy and Riley helped Giles into his apartment, the others following them.
"I'll make some tea."
"Thank you, Xander."
"Can we get you something else?"
"No, thank you."
They sat him down on the couch. Buffy took a look at the gash on his
forehead.
"We need to clean this up."
Riley had already left to get her the first aid kit. As she opened it the others stood around watching her, except for Anya, who didn't try to hide that she was bored. Giles took pity on them.
"Why don't you go? I'm sure it is nothing serious. It's late and you have to get up early tomorrow."
"Are you sure you don't need anything?"
"Buffy can take care of the wound, I'm sure."
She just turned his head to her and began to dab a piece of cloth around the wound.
"All right, I'll go then. Bye Giles. Feel better."
"Good night, Willow."
"Xander?"
"An, I'm making tea."
"Can't Buffy do that?"
"Yes." She didn't even look up from her task.
"Okay, night Giles. If anything's wrong just call."
"But only if it's important."
Xander gave Anya a look and they left.
Buffy was still concentrating on cleaning up his wound. Riley, who had stood next to the couch ever since he had handed her the kit, wondered if she knew that he was still there. But then she spoke, again without looking away from Giles' forehead.
"You can leave, too, Riley. I'll make sure Giles is okay and make a short round on the cemeteries and come home."
"Okay."
He hesitated wondering if he should kiss her, but when he saw her focused gaze he didn't want to interrupt her.
The moment Riley had closed the door behind him, Buffy gently scolded Giles, still not looking anywhere but at the wound.
"You know perfectly well that you shouldn't try to do superhero acts. *I* am the Slayer. It was stupid to jump in front of that demon."
"I couldn't help it. I always want to save you. It's my instinct to protect you. And sometimes my heart is faster than my mind."
For the first time since she had started to tend to the gash on his head she looked away from it - right into his eyes. In the four years that she knew him he had never looked at her as he was at the moment: with affection, unguarded and obviously very deep. Her movement faltered and her eyes widened, before she quickly looked away. After two seconds she resumed the task at hand.
She didn't see the slight smile on Giles' lips. Her reaction hadn't gone unnoticed by him. Surprise, but more importantly not even a trace of disgust or even uneasiness. At least not of the bad kind. She did seem a bit distracted now, though.
Buffy continued and finally put a plaster on the wound.
"You are quite the Florence Nightingale."
She looked at him, her brows creasing.
"No need to frown. It was a compliment."
"I'm frowning?"
"Yes you are. Your brows..."
He lifted his hand and ran a finger along one brow.
Buffy's jaw dropped and she gasped.
Giles pulled his hand away.
"I'm sorry."
"No! I mean, no, it's okay... it's just... you hardly ever..."
"Touch you?"
The way he said the words made it impossible for Buffy to answer in any other way than gulping. The silence grew and along with it the tension between them. Giles started to say something, when Buffy jumped up and ran into the kitchen.
"I almost forgot your tea."
Giles smiled to himself as she busied herself in the kitchen.
Two years he had been torn between 'it isn't right,' and 'She could never feel the same about me,' and 'I wish she could love me,' but he had never bothered to even *try* to find out how she felt. And she clearly did feel something. It had been awhile since he had gone out on dates, but Buffy's reaction to him was unmistakable. She didn't necessarily love him, but there certainly was more to her feelings than 'Ewww, gross'. And perhaps all that was needed was something or someone to open her eyes.
Buffy came back a steaming cup in her hand.
"Here's your tea."
She handed him the cup and he took it brushing his finger over hers. Buffy nearly dropped the cup.
"Thank you."
"Y-you're w-welcome."
She sat down next to him, playing with her hands.
Giles watched her, sipping on his tea. She didn't look at him.
"I also wanted to thank you for patching me up."
"Oh, oh, that's totally okay. I mean you did get it because of me, so I guess it's only fair."
"It was nice of you. I could have done it myself. And you know that."
She looked at him almost fearful. His tone was so gentle and... something she couldn't put her finger on.
He put the cup on the table and took her hands in his. Buffy was a bit startled but didn't pull away.
"Thank you for caring, for being here, for being in my life."
Buffy's lower lip began to tremble.
"Are you nervous?"
"Wh-what? No, of course not. Why?"
"Your hands are shaking."
He lifted a hand to cup her face.
"There's nothing to be afraid of. I should have told you this far sooner. I love you."
Buffy breathed in sharply.
Giles' thumb began to stroke her cheek.
"I-I-I sh-sh-should go to patrol now."
"Yes, perhaps you should."
"Okay."
She slowly got up, their eyes locked all the time.
"I-I..."
He looked at her smiling hopefully.
"Nothing."
He didn't stop smiling.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes. Right. Bye."
She nearly tripped over her own feet on the way out and Giles' smile widened once the door was closed.
Certainly not 'nothing'. So this was what he had been afraid of for two years. If only he had known. But he was too happy for regrets. There had always been a part of him that at certain moments felt...a certain connection with Buffy. Something in her eyes that didn't fit her actions of pushing him away. He remembered how she had told him that it had been his eyes that had made her realize it was him after Ethan had turned him into a demon. And that hadn't been the only moment. He had always told himself that he must be wrong. That she could never return his feelings. But right now he didn't know why. All he knew was that Buffy was his. And that all he ever had to do was stake his claim on her.
Still smiling he put away the first aid kit and the cup, prepared for bed and eventually ascended the stairs to the loft, only to drift of into an unusually deep sleep.
He didn't hear when a figure opened the door and stumbled inside, rushing to the bathroom.
The other Giles made it to the toilet just in time to see his dinner
resurface. He had conveniently forgotten about this part of drinking. He wiped the vomit from his chin and waited for two minutes, making sure he wouldn't have to throw up again. Then he flushed the toilet and left the bathroom, avoiding the mirror. He stumbled into the living room and dropped onto the couch, falling asleep within seconds.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Buffy walked up and down between boxes and unpacked but not yet sorted magic supplies. It was Saturday morning. She should be lying in bed. But instead she had almost run here, because she couldn't wait. She wanted to see him again. Yes, him, Giles, the man she thought she knew so well.
The man who had managed to turn her world upside down in just one evening. And he hadn't even really *done* anything. Well, he had told her he loved her. But she had known that already. Technically at least. Of course the way he had said it hadn't sounded at all like what she technically knew. And then there were the touches. She and
Giles didn't have the touchy kind of relationship...until yesterday that was. Yesterday, the day that had changed everything. Or
had it?
She sighed.
One day couldn't just change everything. Yes, she had had moments where she realized that Giles was rather cute in a manly kind of way. And she couldn't help admiring his strength when they trained. Her mother's stevedore comment had crossed her mind more than once during their hand-to-hand sessions, but she had never, ever, felt like yesterday. She had behaved worse than a teenager on a first date, stuttering and stumbling. How dare he make her feel like this? God knew what would have happened if she hadn't fled. Her cheeks flamed.
Her mind was supplying her with rather vivid images of what could have happened. She got goose-bumps when she thought about Giles' hand on her skin. To make things worse she had dreamed about Giles last night. And not the usual Giles dream. Not at all. This had been a Technicolor surround sound experience of the nekkid fun variety. And she had enjoyed it. *Really* enjoyed it.
She shook her head.
This wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to feel these things. Not that she could bring herself to analyze what exactly 'these things' entailed. She refused to do that. Giles was her Watcher and not her boyfriend. She had a boyfriend. He was loyal and very nice and she really, really... liked him.
Giles on the other hand... there had never been more than some fleeting moments. She loved him, yes, but not in a romantic way. And she didn't now.
No. She was simply having a crush-of-all-crushes. That could happen, right? Wrong.
It wasn't supposed to happen. How could she even face Giles again? He
probably had simply not been quite himself after the attack and here she was having all sorts of naughty fantasies. Maybe it was just the shock of possibly losing him, not that he hadn't been more severely wounded on several occasions. But they hadn't involved touching. Yes that was it. Who was she kidding? Whatever it was she felt, she couldn't do anything about it. Maybe when Giles came in all the problems would simply dissolve. Maybe...
When Giles entered the store Buffy stopped dead in her tracks.
"Buffy, hello."
He was clearly happily surprised to see her. He was holding a croissant in one hand, obviously his breakfast, looking devastatingly handsome. He was wearing faded blue jeans ~boy were they tight!~ and there were enough buttons of his blue shirt left undone to display a generous amount of his chest hair. He hadn't swallowed his last bite, but still his smile was more beautiful than she had ever seen. God, how far gone was she? Three things popped up in her mind at once: running home and taking a cold shower, giving in to her impulses and ravishing him right then and there and last but not least checking into the next mental institution.
"What are you doing here? Not that I am not glad you are. I am. Very much so, actually."
"I'm here to... tell you about the demon."
"Demon?"
"The demon that attacked us last night. I found it during patrol."
"God, Buffy, are you all right?"
He stepped closer putting a hand on her shoulder. She smiled and put a hand on his.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Which is more than I can say for that thing. It got its butt seriously kicked. Nobody hurts my Watcher without paying for it big time."
She lifted her face, full of genuine concern.
"How is your head?"
He bent forward so that she could take a look. He had removed the plaster and it had visibly healed quite a bit. She lifted her hand to brush along the wound. It wasn't swollen. She let her finger trace along his face before pulling her hand away.
"It looks a lot better."
"It feels better."
How could something that sounded so innocent be so full of double meaning? Why was everything so different suddenly? He was still the same Giles wasn't he? He looked the same and yet... there was a spark in him, an energy that went straight to her heart - and further down. His touch was electrifying.
She didn't dare to move out of fear that she would do something that she would regret. And somewhere deep inside there was the even deeper fear that she wouldn't regret it at all.
He let his hand slip from her shoulder, lightly brushing her arm in the process.
Buffy shivered.
"Cold?"
"No. Not at all."
They looked at each other. The silence made their gazes even more intense.
~ This is it. He's going to kiss me. Oh my God. ~
But he didn't. Instead he smiled at her.
"Do you want to help me unpacking?"
"Yes. Sure. Anything you want."
They exchanged another look heavy with underlying meaning, but then began to work.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"Oh bloody hell. My head is going to explode."
Giles got slowly up from the couch, trying to avoid any movement that would bring back the sharp pain in his temple. He was only too familiar with this.
Someone hurt him. He got drunk. He didn't feel better and instead ended up in more pain. And yet it seemed, when step B tempted him in situation A he could never see as far as C. Where *were* his bleeding pain killers?
He staggered to the bathroom and opened his medicine cabinet. The bottle was almost full. He hadn't used anything since he and Buffy had started training again. ~ Buffy. ~ No, he really didn't want to think about her right now, nor how she had looked at him with her big eyes and told him she needed him.
He threw two pills in his mouth and gulped them down with some water.
He had cancelled his flight the same day. What for? For a few weeks of blissful attention from his Slayer until she fell into her old ways. The ways in which he was nothing more than a stop sign before she got to her boyfriend, the Bronze or any other distraction. Part of him wanted to flee. Just leave without looking back, without explanation. How long would it take her to notice. 10 hours? 10 days? How would she react?
Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. Was there nothing else he could think about? Did he really let a 19-year-old girl rule his life? The answer to this question was as painful as it was obvious. He got out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, trying not to think of anything at all.
Twenty minutes and one masturbation fantasy (Buffy, what else?) later he found himself in his bedroom going through his cupboard. Where had he hidden all his tweed? He had lived like a slacker for a year, but there was no need to dress like one, too. If Buffy or the others couldn't pay him respect he could at least try to look respectable.
When he entered the store Buffy was sitting among boxes, unpacking some crystals.
"Wow, Giles, you're back... and in full tweed. Was that the important thing you wanted to do?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Uhm, I... I'm unpacking these... thingies. Like you said I could. Is
everything all right?"
Giles was almost fooled by the concern in her voice. He went to her and took the white crystal she had been holding out of her hand.
"These 'thingies' are spirit crystals and very fragile. You have to handle them with care."
Buffy looked at him not understanding what was happening. Half an hour ago he had left telling her he had something important to do but that she was not to be worried, he'd be back soon. He had teased her about please leaving a few things intact but it was in a sweet and bantering way and not this...stopping her from breaking something as if she were 5 years old. All his gentleness was gone. Even in their early days together had he hardly ever seemed so uncaring and authoritarian.
"I... I *was* careful."
He placed the crystal back in the box and carried the box away.
"Is there anything else I could do?"
He gave her a hard look. Then he answered evenly.
"If you really want to help, you could carry the boxes that are marked with blue stripes upstairs."
She smiled at him, but he only frowned then averted her gaze and began to unpack a box.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"Harris? You got a visitor."
Xander looked up, ready to tell Anya that she wasn't supposed to disturb him at work, when he saw Giles coming towards him.
"Hey, Giles. Everything all right? There's nothing wrong with Anya, is there?"
"No, no, as far as I know she is perfectly fine."
"Good. How's your head? That demon gave you a pretty good knock on the knowledge central."
"Better. I don't really notice it anymore."
"Then what brings you here? I'm just guessing it's not anything like Anya watching me get sweaty, so..."
"No it wasn't that, although I did want to see you at work."
"Why?"
"You mentioned this building and how challenging it was, so I thought I could take a look myself. Not that I know anything about the construction business. But I *can* say that it looks rather beautiful."
"It does, doesn't it. One day I want a house just like that. Well, at least that's my dream."
"I'm sure you will make it come true."
Xander looked at him a bit surprised.
"You have a way with your hands, I can't really explain it. I terribly admire anyone who can craft something with their hands. My talents were always in other regions. But you can take a simple piece of wood and build a real home of it."
"Yeah, well, I'm not alone. There's the architect who plans everything."
"I know, and I certainly didn't want to play down his role, but in the end it all lies in the hands of the carpenters to make the vision come true. And that's what you do. What I always knew you *could* do."
For the first time in a long time Xander was entirely speechless.
"I'm sorry I interrupted you at work. I just felt I had to tell you this and also... that I am very proud of you, Xander Harris."
Xander looked at Giles still not able to say a word. Instead he suddenly turned around, shouting out to a man in his late thirties.
"Hey, Lawrence, I can't remember anything about an extended Lunch break."
The man grumbled and got up.
"I see you are very busy. I better leave you alone."
"Yeah, work, work, work."
He smiled at the younger man, then lifted his head in an informal goodbye.
Xander lifted his hand and returned the gesture. Then he added in a serious tone.
"Thank you, Giles."
"You're welcome."
*****
Giles rushed back to the store a smile on his face. He should have done this earlier. He had always felt that all that Xander needed was someone to believe in him, but at the same time it had been so easy to be disappointed by his actions. He hadn't lied. He was really proud of Xander. He was proud of all of them, but he had a feeling that Xander was the only one who wasn't aware of that. Now he had made sure he knew.
He had almost reached the store when a tweed-clad figure stormed out not looking where he walked and bumping right into him. The man looked up and to his surprise he looked just like himself. Giles was too stunned to speak at first. The man's gaze narrowed and before he could speak the man ran off.
"Wait!"
But it was too late. The man disappeared around the corner.
Giles rushed into the store.
"Buffy!"
"What now? I didn't touch your stupid crystals or anything else."
She sat in the middle of the room shredding a box into small stripes of cardboard.
"Are you all right?"
"Okay, that's enough!"
Buffy looked up from her 'work' when she saw Giles for the first time since he had left only seconds earlier. Her surprise was clearly written on her face.
"Wha... what happened to your clothes? You were wearing your full tweed uniform only seconds ago."
"That... that wasn't me."
"What do you mean? Not you?"
"The man coming out of here a minute ago was not me."
"Where *were* you?"
"I went to visit Xander at the construction site."
"You weren't at home changing into tweed and a crappy mood?"
"Certainly not. Crappy mood?"
"You came... *he*, *it*, whatever came in scolding me about unpacking the crystals and from there it went downhill."
"What did he do?"
"I can't even describe. He refused to look at me most of the time and when I asked if everything was okay, he looked at me as if I had just stabbed him and asked if he wanted a plaster for his wound. Oh and he totally forgot about everything that...oh wait, that was *you* not him, which would explain why he had no idea what I was talking about."
"What did he do? Was he looking for something?"
"Uhm...not that I can remember. He seemed to be acting like you. Or at least pretending to. You never are as unfeeling and grumpy though. Even when you're really mad at me. And I didn't do anything. I just wanted to help. And he was like 'don't touch this', 'what are you doing here, anyway?' If I'd known it wasn't you I would have kicked him real hard in the... sorry. He really wasn't nice."
Giles smiled sympathetically.
"Did you notice anything else? Your 'spidey' senses going off, perhaps?"
"Nah, sorry. My spidey senses seem to go into sleep mode when it comes to people I know. Didn't work when Angel turned or when we met VampWillow. I guess I never even considered that he could be... what *could* he be?"
"I'm not 100% sure, but I think it might be a demon who can take human form."
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"Human form? You mean *your* human form?"
"Yes. I ran into him when I left the store."
"Oh God. Blue shirt, faded jeans?"
"Yes, I believe that was what he was wearing."
"That explains it."
"What?"
"Nothing. He... he came to visit me at work."
"Why?"
"That's what I should have asked myself. It didn't really make sense. I should have known. It was too good to be true."
Giles had no idea what Xander was talking about but it seemed that he was talking to himself, anyway.
"This demon, if it was one, did it attack you?"
"No, no, not at all. He was very nice. Too nice."
"Just like Buffy."
"Buffy?"
"When I went to the store this morning, she was there unpacking crystals. She was trying to be helpful. I practically couldn't take a step without her asking if I was all right and if she could do this or that. And she also mentioned a few things that seemed rather odd at the time, now that I think about it."
"You think she's one of them?"
"Well, it would fit a pattern. They could be trying to take our place one by one."
"They do that?"
"Not historically, no. But I find it hard to believe in a coincidence in this case."
"How does the demon do that? I mean Buffy is the Slayer. Or can it just go 'Zap, henceforth I look like you'?"
"No, no, as far as I recall, physical contact of some kind is necessary."
"You mean that demon yesterday? The one that attacked us...you."
"Yes, I'm quite sure, it must have been the one taking on my form."
"Okay, so it attacked you to take your form. And then while we brought you home, it ran to its friend to tell it about Buffy. Right?"
"What did you say?"
"It ran away and told another demon about Buffy, so that it could zap *her* and take her form."
"No, no, the part about bringing me home."
"What about that part?"
"You didn't bring me home last night."
"We didn't. Of course we did. It sure looked and talked like you. Oh. I get it. We brought the demon home last night?"
"It seems so. What exactly happened last night?"
"Not much, we brought you, I mean *it*, home last night and then you said we could go and that Buffy could take or of you."
"You left her alone with the demon?"
"We thought it was *you*. That seemed safe enough."
"We need to go to the store and warn her."
"Who? The Buffy demon?"
"She is not a demon. She is Buffy."
"But... didn't you say weird behaviour, strange friendliness, ergo Buffy demon?"
"I thought you left me lying in garbage yesterday and when I met her today, she didn't even mention it, but instead talked about things I couldn't remember. She must have been talking about the demon. I didn't know she had contact with him."
Xander tried to take all of this in.
"We would never leave you lying in garbage."
Giles gave him a look, but he held his gaze firmly.
"We would never do that."
"Can you drive us to the store? What are you doing here so early by the way? Did you get sacked again?"
Xander stared at him.
"I...I was promoted. My boss said I could take the afternoon off to
celebrate, because I had to be back early tomorrow."
"Oh."
Giles averted the gaze of the younger man, then simply stood up and went towards the door.
"We should leave."
Xander watched him with a hard face, then swallowed and followed him.
When they arrived at the store, they found it empty.
"He must have taken her away."
"You mean he...killed her?"
"No. No, I don't think so."
He suddenly remembered a moment that morning when he had unpacked an old Greek statue. Buffy had come over and put a hand on his shoulder and run the other along the statue until she had come to his hand. He could have sworn she had deliberately stroked his hand and it had only made him more mad. He had wanted to scream at her and ask her why she was doing this when she didn't care enough about him to check if he was okay the day before. But she had cared. She had been alone with... with that thing that was trying to take over his life. And it had changed her.
Whatever that demon was trying to do, he had the strong guess that it didn't involve killing Buffy. At least not as a first step. He hated the demon. Hated it with every fibre of his being. Not only was it trying to take over his life, but it was doing it so well.
All his life he had struggled to be respected and loved, to be looked up to and to succeed at something. And all his life he had failed. One broken relationship after another. He had run away from his destiny to find solace in magic. He had run away from that failure to be taken back by the Council. He had to give up his position at the British Museum to become Buffy's Watcher and he had been fired because he loved her. And his love for her had never gained him more than daydreams and an unhealthy amount of self-pity.
And now this demon took on his human form, his body and his voice and within a day achieved what he wanted most in life. He couldn't believe it was the real Buffy that morning because for the first time since he knew her she had looked at him as a man and not a Watcher.
What had Xander said? 'To good to be true.' Indeed.
He turned to Xander.
"I'm sure he has taken her to my apartment. We must get there before...before he finishes what he is planning."
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"But that demon didn't look like this and... I killed it yesterday. If the demon that attacked you took over your form, then why wasn't it in your form, when I killed it and why was it running around looking like you without your new fashion sense even *after* I killed it?"
"Good questions, but I have an answer. These demons can take over human form, but also the form of any other creature. I think it attacked the demon you later found and killed, took over its form, then attacked *me* and took over *my* form."
"That makes sense. Do I have to feel bad now for beating that thing so badly, before I actually killed it?"
"Not really. Hghnar demons can be very vicious and they are also quite intelligent. There have been cases of Hghnar demons using magic or complicated weapons in their fight. It was rather dangerous to take it on by yourself. You could have been hurt... or worse."
She took his hand. They were sitting on his couch, books and two cups
scattered on the table in front of them.
"But I wasn't hurt."
"Thank God for that."
He lifted his free hand to cup her face. She didn't pull away or take a deep breath or show any other sign of discomfort or even surprise. Instead she leaned into his touch and let him envelop her into an embrace.
He held her firmly, but not so that it would hurt her. This was how it was supposed to be.
For years he hadn't been allowed to show the relief he felt, when she came back from another battle unharmed or not but *alive*. But now he didn't have to fight his feelings. He could express what his heart had told him for so long. He *would* express it. He kissed the top of her head, waiting for her reaction, seeing if she would pull back or stiffen in his arms. But she didn't. If anything she held onto him more tightly. He did the same.
After another long moment of lying in each other's arms Buffy looked up at him.
"This morning when you left and... and that thing came in pretending to be you... I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I did wrong. I tried to help, but you were constantly pushing me away. I really wanted to cry, but I...I didn't want pity. I just wanted to have you back. I cannot lose you, Giles. I couldn't before, but now..."
"Now?"
She lifted on hand to his wound, then ran her fingers along his face.
"Now I can touch you. I *want* to touch you. I want... I love you, Giles. I always have, but not... it's different now. *Everything's* different now. Different and complicated. Complicated enough even without some stupid demon running around looking like you only a lot tweedier and in a 'if looks could kill' mood."
"We'll find it."
"We have to. I couldn't stand this again. Not knowing where we stand. It was horrible. There was no love in his eyes, only pain and anger."
"I'm so sorry, love."
A smile spread over her face.
"That was the first time you called me 'love'."
"I'm not taking it back."
"I wouldn't want you to. It sounds wonderful. Love."
They looked at each other for a long moment, still in a half embrace. Then Giles leaned forward to kiss her. But Buffy pulled away.
"Giles, I... we should wait. It's not that I don't love you. You have to believe me th-"
"I do."
"Do what?"
"Believe you that you love me."
She looked at him searching his face. Then she smiled widely.
"You really do, don't you? Giles... Rupert... it's because of Riley. It's bad enough that I never really loved him. He loves me so much and I don't want to hurt him. I know that I'll have to and it's going to be hard enough as it is. He is a good man. He just isn't you."
"I can understand. Your sense of responsibility and honor amaze me. I was nothing like that when I was your age. I didn't know what the words really meant. My father used them all the time, but they were just words. Words that meant that I could not do what I wanted to do."
"So you ran away."
"Yes. But I always came back. I think my father always thought I was a failure, but looking at my life, looking at *you*, I know that I am not. It was my destiny to be your Watcher. And that's what I became. And I dare say I am a better Watcher than he ever was. He may have never been reprimanded by the Council and was certainly not fired, but he never had to risk his life to save the world. He never helped a vampire or any other demon because it was the *right* thing to do. And he could never say of himself that he played a however small role in helping the Slayer survive."
"It wasn't small, Giles. If it weren't for you I wouldn't have survived a *week* on the Hellmouth. You made me what I am today. And I don't care what the Council said or what your father might think. You are the *best* Watcher, I could have had. The *only* Watcher. *My* Watcher."
She took his face in her hands.
"Giles, it's not that I want to ruin your perfect picture of your
responsible and honorable Slayer but Riley or not I think I need to kiss you now."
He laughed.
"Please do so, love."
They looked at each other, love shining from their eyes, the depth of their emotion clearly visible in the careful, almost awed and yet familiar way they moved towards each other. Their eyes were locked until their lips finally touched and they closed them at the same time, concentrating on the kiss, their first kiss. They held each other tightly. Buffy began running one hand through the hair at the nape of his neck as the kiss deepened.
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Giles and Xander looked through the window watching Buffy kiss that picture perfect image of him.
"Who would have thought that the Buffster had the hots for you?"
"She does not!"
"Well, if he's forcing her it must be a mind thing, because she sure looks happy from what I see."
"It's not that. It's... he did something. He must have done something. She would never feel this way about me."
"What makes you so sure?"
Giles gave him a look then turned his gaze to Buffy again.
"We have to stop this. Stay behind me. And don't forget, he is very smart and Buffy will probably believe *him* not us."
Xander nodded and they went inside.
****
Xander waited for Giles to say something, but for a second he simply stared at Buffy and that 'perfect' version of himself. They slowly stopped the kiss, which from the look on their faces must have been amazing. Then Buffy turned towards them and the smile on her face froze.
"He's here."
"Yes, I am. Buffy, you have to listen to me. This... this is not Giles. He is a demon."
The figure in question got up from the couch.
"Funnily enough we think the same about you."
Buffy got up from the couch as well.
"Xander, I think it would be best if y-"
"Xander isn't going anywhere."
He looked at Xander, who nodded.
"Okay, Xander will stay where he is. But if you are the real Giles, why don't you want him to leave. He's in danger here."
"He isn't as long as you don't take his side." He gestured at the other Giles. "The demon is only as strong as the form he is taking on. More importantly Xander knows that *I* am real and he is not."
"What makes you think *I* am the demon?"
Giles walked around the couch closer to the tweed-clad version of him, but keeping enough distance not to seem threatening to anyone. Xander stepped forward a bit, but stayed behind 'his' Giles.
"When you came to visit me today... I immediately knew that something was wrong. I thought it was something with Anya, but then you said you just came to see me, I couldn't believe it. And then Giles came and told me about seeing you and suddenly it all made sense."
"Xander, I know that I never did it before. But there is a reason. Last night was something of an eye-opener to me." He glanced over at Buffy and gave her a quick smile that she returned. "All that I said came from the heart and I wanted to say those things for a long time, but I never could bring myself to do it for one reason or another."
"And that this big change happened when another Giles happens to come up is just coincidence? I don't buy it."
Buffy now also walked around the couch, just like 'her' Giles keeping enough distance not to scare Xander away.
"Xander, I can understand that you feel this way, but do you really think that *this* is the real Giles. I talked to him. I spent half the morning with him and he was totally different. He treated me like a child and not like... me. He didn't even know what I was talking about sometimes."
"Because you were talking about things that didn't happen. Not with *me*. Buffy I thought you left me lying in rubbish yesterday. You didn't even ask how I came home. I was... I was angry that you wouldn't even *try* to explain what happened and instead went on about helping me and asking if everything was all right. I couldn't have known that you were with *him* last night."
"That's totally... hmm... okay, wait a second. There has to be a way to make this clear without having to use logic. I mean... something that will prove it beyond a doubt that this," at Xander's and the tweed-clad Giles' protest she added "or this is the real Giles. I... I *know* that he is real, but I can see that I have to prove it to you, Xander. Giles, what's the name of Xander's ex-girlfriend and why did they break up."
"Hey!"
She gave Xander a look.
"All right, go ahead."
"Her name is Cordelia and they broke up after she found him kissing Willow."
"How did you know this?"
"I know it because I was there."
"You weren't there. Not even I was there. It was only Xander, Cordelia, Willow and Oz."
"I didn't mean I was present I meant I... you know about Oz."
"Of course I know about him. I know about Oz and Angel and Tara. But since you know about them, too, it proves nothing. For some reason you managed to gain access to all this knowledge, but don't think that I will let you take over my life."
"Listen, I don't know who or what you are, but I'm beginning to doubt you are a demon that can take on human form. *However* that doesn't mean that I can let you go on like this. You might have convinced Xander, but *I* know that I am real and I think Buffy will believe *me*."
He stepped closer to her, when the tweed-clad Giles stopped him.
"You won't *ever* touch her again."
"If she'll let me, I wil-"
That was when the tweed-clad Giles grabbed him by his shirt and shoved him into the next wall.
"You bastard! You have no right! You seduced her! You-"
"I love her!"
"No, you don't. You can't. You don't even know her. I've known her for years. I've loved her for years. I gave *everything* for her."
"So did I. And that is why she loves me."
"She doesn't! She could never love you!"
Buffy who had come closer but not stopped them, stepped in.
"Okay, that's enough."
Tweed-clad Giles turned to her.
"Buffy, please. Just this one time trust me. Why can't you believe me? Xander could."
"Giles, I..."
She turned to Xander.
"Do you still think this is Giles? I mean, are you sure?"
"I... I am not sure, but...it just wasn't right. I was always irresponsible wrong-answer guy to Giles. I know that he loves me. At least I think he does, but... Buffy, he came to me and told he how proud he was of me. Do you know how long I waited to hear that? From him? From anyone? I *want* to believe that it was real. I *want* to believe it was him, but it's just too good to be true."
Buffy gave him a serious understanding look. Then she looked to 'her' Giles before she turned her gaze to the ground.
"I feel the same."
"What? Buffy, no. Don't believe them..."
He rushed to her but she stopped him by lifting her hand.
Giles stood, but the tweed-clad Giles still spoke up. "Leave her alone."
"I don't believe them."
Both Gileses now looked at her puzzled.
"I... yesterday when we sat on the couch... you were different. You were gentle and loving and so many thing that you never were before. Xander is right. You are too good to be true."
She turned her gaze to the tweed-clad Giles.
"But you aren't real either. You are angry and cold. I know that I'm not always easy and when you really thought I just left you lying there yesterday you had a good reason to be angry, but even when Giles is angry at me doesn't completely shut down. There is always *something* that let's me know I am forgiven. Something that says 'Buffy, you really messed up this time, but it *will* be all right.' You were almost afraid of me. When I touched you I almost thought you would run away."
"And when he noticed that I was home early he immediately thought I was fired. And he thought that the demon had done something with you, because you could *never* love him, even though it was obvious that you *wanted* to kiss him."
"Yes, I did. I love Giles. And he would know it. Deep inside he would, but there would also be a side that would have doubts."
"Buffy..."
"No, I don't want to hear anything from either of you. You are both not Giles. *You* are 'Perfect Giles' full of love and understanding and sexy and not afraid to touch me and to make me see what I couldn't for far too long. And you are 'Weak Giles' with all your anger and pain and insecurities. It's like someone split Giles in the best of him and the worst of him."
The two Gileses looked at each other finally understanding.
****
"Abaddon," both Gileses said as one.
"Abbawhat?"
"Abaddon. It's a stone that's necessary for certain rituals, but can also be used for some spells," 'Perfect' Giles began to explain.
'Weak' Giles picked up seamlessly. It was almost comical how similar they suddenly appeared in 'research mode'.
"The best-known and most often used spell is one that allows the caster to split a creature into two halves: the good and the bad."
"It is very effective on demons, because the 'good' side is most of the time very weak and helpless."
"And can thus be easily killed, killing the other side as well, because even though the creature is split in half they are still linked."
Xander watched from one Giles to the other.
"So you are...both Giles?"
"In a way yes. But all my weaknesses have been taken out of me and been put into..."
"Me."
"Um...yes."
"So you weren't lying, when you said you were proud of me?"
"Certainly not."
Xander looked at 'Weak' Giles.
"And *you* never thought I'd keep that job let alone be promoted?"
'Weak' Giles looked away, while 'Perfect' Giles stepped closer smiling widely.
"You were promoted?"
"Yeah, seems your visit gave me just the boost I needed to convince my boss."
"That's wonderful news. We need to celebrate."
"Yes, well, that's what I wanted to do, but Anya was out and then he came and well... I think I'll go check if she's back."
'Weak' Giles still didn't look at him. 'Perfect' Giles nodded
understandingly.
"Of course, Xander. Do that."
"That Abathing... you can undo that, right?"
"Yes, it's rather easy. We should have everything in the store already."
'Weak' Giles looked up and nodded.
"Will you need any help with that?"
"Yes, actually. I will call Willow and Tara to perform the spell."
"I can do that for you. Perhaps we could do it early tomorrow before I have to go to work."
"Thank you very much. You really don't have t-"
"No, I want to. I... talk to him, okay?"
'Perfect' Giles looked at 'Weak' Giles, who looked at the ground his jaw clenched.
"Yes."
"Okay, I'll be on my way then. See you tomorrow at six, if that's okay."
"Perfect."
"I wouldn't go so far, but yeah, see you then, Xand. And congratulations."
She quickly hugged him.
"Thanks. Bye."
"Xander..."
'Weak' Giles looked at him not able to express what he wanted to.
"It's okay, Giles. It's okay."
Xander's eyes belied his words, but still 'Weak' Giles couldn't bring
himself to say anything. Xander looked at all of them once more, then left.
'Perfect' Giles turned to 'Weak' Giles.
"What did you say to him?"
There was no accusation in his voice and that made 'Weak' Giles almost angry.
"He was at home in the middle of the day, so I assumed he was fired."
"But *why*?"
"Now don't tell me it wouldn't have been the first thing, you would have thought of."
"It wouldn't have. He could have been sick. He could have taken the day off. Xander never had the slightest problems in this job, why would he be fired?"
"Because he never kept a job for longer than a few months? Xander simply isn't naturally someone with the ability to succeed in a career, even if he is suitable for it."
"What makes you even think such things let alone say them?"
"It is the truth. It's not that Xander is a bad boy. But some of us can do what they want, try as best as they can and still will always fail."
'Perfect' Giles and Buffy looked at him, too stunned to speak.
"It's not his fault. He doesn't disappoint us on purpose, I know that."
"I cannot believe that you feel that way. That *I* could feel that way."
"Well, I suppose in your 'perfect' world failure and disappointment don't exist. Everyone loves you. You get the admiration, you get the friends that bring you home, you get the girl. But let me tell you something. The world isn't perfect. Some people aren't loved by everyone or even anyone. Some people get kicked until they lie on the ground and then they get kicked some more. Yes, sometimes you might get a good punch in there yourself, but you can never be sure if it hits the mark. And love and hope and all the positive thinking in the world won't change the fact that some people are destined to fail. No matter what they do, it's never good enough. Never."
For a long time 'Perfect' Giles simply stared at his counterpart. Buffy looked uneasily from one to the other. Finally 'Perfect' Giles spoke more to himself than either Buffy or 'Weak' Giles.
"How could I have been so wrong? All these years I thought that he stopped having any power over me, even before he died. I thought it didn't matter that he would disapprove of the way I handled my Slayer, that I fell in love with her and that I was fired because of that. And most of all I always told myself that at least I wasn't anything like him. I was so blind."
He looked at 'Weak' Giles, who returned his gaze sadly.
"Maybe he would have been proud of *you*."
'Perfect' Giles couldn't say anything, but Buffy couldn't stand still any longer. She had watched both of them closely, tears forming in her eyes as his innermost feelings were dragged up into the light. It was scary to see him so vulnerable, but perhaps she could do what 'Perfect' Giles couldn't. At least she would try.
She went to 'Weak' Giles and put her arms around him. For a second he didn't react then he tried to move away from her, but she held him tightly. 'Perfect' Giles was barely able to watch as his alter ego tried to fight his emotions and finally began to try pushing Buffy away. But she wouldn't let him.
She kept her arms around him and looked up into his face.
"No, Giles. I'm not going anywhere. You'll have to kick me till I lie on the ground and then some more because I won't just stop believing that you are the best man that I know. I won't stop admiring you and being proud of you and loving you. Yes, I love you."
'Perfect' Giles closed his eyes. If he hadn't loved Buffy before he would have now. His heart almost burst with love as his small Slayer held this tall man and forced him to see that his father hadn't been right. That he wasn't a failure. That he was not only worth to be loved but that he *was* loved.
He opened his eyes again and couldn't believe what he saw. 'Weak' Giles shook his head, still not able to believe her.
"No. No. You don't."
"Yes, I *do*."
"Not me. *Him*."
He nodded in 'Perfect' Giles' direction but she kept her eyes fixed on his face.
"I'm not doing this with him, am I?"
Then she stood on tiptoe and pulled his face down to kiss him.
At first he remained passive, then struggled a bit, but when she wouldn't relent he returned the kiss passionately. His tongue plunged into her open mouth and his hands started to wander on her body. When they crept below her shirt up to her breasts, she pulled her mouth away.
"Wait a moment."
He didn't halt and began to kiss her neck.
"Giles, stop."
He moved away as if she had screamed at him instead of her gentle request.
Buffy could see the hurt in his eyes and the resignation. She turned her head to 'Perfect' Giles and silently asked him for permission. The answer was an almost imperceptible nod.
She took 'Weak' Giles' hand and wordlessly went towards the loft. He didn't resist and followed her looking at 'Perfect' Giles as he passed him. Their eyes were fixed on each other until 'Weak' Giles looked down and then forward to Buffy.
'Perfect' Giles watched them until they disappeared in the bedroom, his face serious but not hard.
As soon as they were in the bedroom Giles began to kiss her again. Buffy returned his obvious passion, helping him when he began to rip her clothes from her body. Soon they were naked on the bed. While his hands made short work of mapping her whole body his mouth paid attention to her breasts. He sucked and nibbled almost violently, certainly not like any of Buffy's previous lovers. She enjoyed this raw display of desire even though she longed for tender kisses at the same time.
She gasped when one of his fingers entered her without warning. He moved his mouth away from her breasts and kissed her neck open-mouthed, paying special attention to her mark there. Then he suddenly removed his finger and lifted his head to look at her.
His face displayed a mixture of feelings. He was asking her for permission and the fear that she would deny him was terrible, but there was also defiance. He was ready to pretend not to care, steeling himself for the worst. And overlaying all of this was his love for her that, unlike the way 'Perfect' Giles felt and expressed it, had a touch of sadness and desperation.
"Come inside me."
And he did. With one deep thrust he pushed himself into her to the hilt.
They both moaned loudly. He looked at her for a long moment. All the things he could not do, all the words he could not say were in that look and then he kissed her neck again, this time on the other side.
Soon he began to move inside her, quickly increasing the speed of this thrusts. Buffy moaned incoherently as he brought her closer to the edge. He started groaning with each movement.
"Giles, yes. Yes! Oh God, I love you."
He suddenly stiffened and exploded inside her.
He collapsed on top of her and when Buffy realized he wouldn't go on for her she flipped them around so that she was on top. She rode him rubbing herself on him until a short while later, she too went over the edge quietly moaning his name.
She dropped her head on his chest, kissing him there and catching her
breath. After she had calmed a bit she looked up at him, but his eyes were closed. She kissed on him on the cheek, but he made no sign of being awake. A small smile appeared on her face and she kissed him on the cheek again before getting up. She didn't notice the single tear that slid down his face.
Downstairs Giles had read up on the spell they would have to perform, but that hadn't kept him from noticing what went on in the loft. He had a pretty sharp sense of hearing and could imagine what had happened up there. He wasn't quite sure what to think of it though. He was certain that he would fair better when he made love to her and that filled him with a sense of illogical male pride, but he wasn't sure if she'd let him make love to her at all and even if she did, what had just happened would always remain their first time. He knew that it didn't really matter in the long run, but he wished their first time had been perfect.
He heard footsteps and turned to see her coming down the loft dressed in one of his shirts and nothing more as far as he could see. She was smiling at him and in no way seemed disappointed, which relaxed him to a degree.
She sat down next to him and they wrapped their arms around each other. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her.
"I love you, Giles."
"I love you, too, Buffy."
"And thank you."
"What for?"
"For letting me do this for you."
"It was the right choice I believe."
She lifted her head and gave him a look.
"Not to say that I wouldn't have wanted to be in his place."
"It's not too late, you know."
"Are you sure?"
"Giles, there's really no need to go all gentlemanly on me now. I've cheated on Riley already now and as far as other consequences go... it's too late for that, too."
"You didn't use protection?"
"No, we didn't. I don't need to be worried, do I?"
"No, no. Well, not about diseases at least."
"For the other we'll just have to wait and see."
"Buffy, I'm so sorry."
"No, Giles. I could have stopped him. It's all right. I was aware of what I was doing. If we're going to have a baby, we'll find a way to deal with that."
"We will. I love you."
"You already said that," she teased him.
"And I'll say it again. I love you."
"I love you, too, Giles. Rupert. I should start getting used to that name."
"You can call me whatever you want."
"Don't say that. I bet I know a couple of names, that you wouldn't like."
He smiled.
"Fair enough. But Giles will do in any case."
"Okay, but I *want* to call you Rupert. It's different. More... intimate."
"Intimate?"
"Uhuh. And I kinda like intimate."
She started to unbutton his shirt.
"Really?"
"Uhum."
She kissed him below his earlobe and then slowly worked her way down his neck, while undoing more of his buttons. He closed his eyes, for the moment simply enjoying what she was doing with him.
She slipped his shirt out of his jeans and nuzzled his chest hair. He
laughed.
"Buffy."
She moved his shirt aside and licked his nipple before beginning to nibble on it. His smile disappeared as he moaned. She lightly bit the nipple, then licked on it a soothing manner before turning her attention to his other nipple. He stroked her hair while she caressed him. His other hand sought and found the one that was stroking his side. He lifted it to his face to kiss it on the fingertips. She looked up at him and pushed her index finger into his mouth. He sucked on it and she quickly pulled the finger away so that their mouths could meet again. They were kissing more fervently than before. Giles gently lowered her down to the couch, never slowing down his gentle attack on her lips and tongue.
He unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing and began rubbing her nipples once he had freed her breasts. He kissed her cheeks, her chin, her neck, always returning to her mouth to let their tongues play once more. Finally he moved his explorations further down. Buffy sighed blissfully, when he tenderly suckled on her breasts. Minutes of his expert ministrations left her mad with wanting.
"Rupert, please..."
He looked up at her smiling. His hair was tousled from where she had run her fingers through it in pleasure. His eyes were glowing with joy. He gave her another quick kiss on the mouth before descending on her skin again, only shortly kissing her breasts before kissing and nibbling his way further down. Occasionally his tongue snuck out to tickle her. Buffy's breathing became more labored. Her occasional laughs stopped when he reached her mound and she waited in anticipation. He looked up at her from between her legs, then put his hands on the thighs. She parted them without thinking. She was in turns holding her breath and panting.
Finally he snuck out his tongue and licked along her wet folds.
Buffy lifted her hips and moaned loudly. He gripped her tightly and
penetrated her with his tongue, causing her to throw back her head in lust.
He withdrew and licked her clit, before entering her again. She began to move beneath him as well as she could, thrashing her head from side to side until she couldn't endure his sweet torture any longer and screamed out her release.
He lapped up her juices, giving her time to calm down a bit. Buffy's head was still thrown back. When her breathing had evened she opened her eyes and saw 'Weak' Giles standing at the top of the stairs looking down at her. He was only wearing black pyjamas bottoms. She smiled as much as she could given her exhausted state and raised her arm to motion to him to come down to them.
'Perfect' Giles looked up and nodded at him. 'Weak' Giles came down the stairs and when Buffy moved to give him space, he sat down on the couch. She leaned back again onto his chest. She moved her hand into his hair and pulled him down for a kiss. It took him a second but then he returned the kiss. It was for once very tender. When they parted she smiled at him.
Then she turned to 'Perfect' Giles.
"Make love to me."
She felt 'Weak' Giles tense and took his hand to assure him. While 'Perfect' Giles got out of his clothes, Buffy stroked 'Weak' Giles cheek.
"I love you."
He looked at her for a long time before finally speaking.
"I love you, too."
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
"Okay, whose brilliant idea was it to do this at this un-time of the
morning?"
"Mine, Will. I need to get to work early today."
"Yes, Xander got promoted. He can now tell others what to do and gets more money for it."
Anya proudly had an arm around her boyfriend.
"Really, Xander? That's great!"
"Congratulations, Xander."
"Thanks guys."
"Willow? Tara? Could we go through this one more time. I really want to make sure that nothing goes wrong with this spell."
The witches went over to 'Perfect' Giles, who gave 'Weak' Giles a look and then nodded in Xander's direction.
"Yes, Xander, could I have a word with you?"
"Sure. I have lots of words free for giving."
Giles smiled nervously and Buffy gave him an assuring smile.
They disappeared in the backroom and Anya turned to Buffy.
"What does he have to tell him?"
"You should ask your boyfriend when they come back."
"So you know?"
"I have an idea, yes. You don't have to worry."
"I don't. Weak or not he seems like a happy Giles. If he's really nasty to Xander you could always punish him by not having sex. Of course that would have worked even better when you still had the other Giles."
Inside the backroom, Giles nervously walked back and forth.
"Um, Giles, I could give you some words, that's not the problem but I think if you don't do the same it would kinda defy the purpose of this."
"Yes, sorry, of course. I... I am sorry about yesterday."
"I told you it was okay."
"But it wasn't. It was wrong of me to make this assumption. It was wrong of me to say it to you."
"Okay, what is done is done. Let's forget about it."
"No, Xander."
"O-kay, then let's not forget about it."
"Xander, I'm trying to be serious."
"I *am* serious, but you haven't really started with the serious, because you haven't really started at all."
"I love you, Xander."
Xander's eyes widened.
"What?"
"I love you. I am often disappointed and downright annoyed by you, but I also always love you. I thought you should know that."
"You're not just saying that because Buffy and the other Giles told you so?"
"Xander, I'm not saying that I always knew you would succeed. I'm not even saying that I am full of pride even though I have to say I'm rather impressed with your new job. I still cannot feel all that different all in all. I'm telling you what I feel and what I feel is that I love you."
"Could you say that again?"
Giles glared at him.
"Or not. Fine with me."
"Good. I feel better now. What about you?"
"Oh yeah. I feel good. Actually I feel a giddy coming up."
"Well, yes, good then, we should join the others."
He went out and Xander broke out in a wide grin, then followed him.
'Perfect' Giles was still going through the spell with Willow and Tara so Buffy took 'Weak' Giles' hand and pulled him back into the backroom.
"I wanted to talk with you before..."
They looked at each other both smiling lovingly. Then they put their arms around each other and kissed. When Buffy felt Giles' hand creep up her shirt she stopped him.
"I said 'talk', not..."
"All right. Talk. What do you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to tell you that I love you."
"I know that."
"Yes, now you know. And I want you to never forget that, do you hear?"
He nodded.
"No doubts, okay? If you ever think 'what if...', stop right there or if you can't tell me about it. I love you more than anything. And not just the perfect you. The 'you' you. I don't think I could live without your glare. And how am I supposed to tease someone who's perfect? It's not even half as fun. And if *he* forgives me I never know if it's because he loves me so much and is so generous and forgiving. With you it might not be as easy, but at least I'll know I did do it right in the end. I sometimes need to be challenged. And I need to be reminded how easily I can hurt you. I love you so much, Rupert."
He kissed her again.
When they came out of backroom 'Perfect' Giles immediately motioned her back in.
He held her hands for a moment, before finally speaking.
"I love you, but you know that."
She smiled at him.
"I... when I am one Giles again, I can't be what I am for you now. I will have those...other feelings. I'm almost afraid of them, but I've lived with them so long I can do it again."
She nodded.
"But I want you to promise me something. If I ever do something that you know was my weak side, tell me. Remind me of who I *can* be for you. I *want* to be perfect for you. I wa-"
She put her finger on his mouth.
"I really appreciate it, Rupert, but I will have to tell you the same thing I told your other half. I need *both* of you to be happy. You are a wonderful man, Rupert, but I don't know if I could live with someone who is so handsome and sexy all the time. Who never is ill-tempered, never has a bad day, is always understanding and open and generous and...just perfect. That would be too much. I would feel so unworthy."
"Buffy, you could never b-"
"I know, but that's the point. Sometimes I *do* mess up and I think I might prefer a yelling once in a while. Not often okay, but if I really deserve it would be okay...and if not yelling perhaps some grumbling, but at the very least a glare. I couldn't do without that."
He tried to glare at her, but couldn't quite pull it off.
"See, you cannot do that. It's just not in you. But that's okay. When you're back together you'll be all I could ever need or want. Because I think in reality you aren't perfect. At least not for me. Both of you *together* are perfect. As one you are *my* Giles."
He smiled at her.
"I think I understand."
"Good. Because I also have to thank you for being your perfect self. I don't know how long it would have taken me to realize that I love you. But knowing my overwhelming capacity of denial it could have been half an eternity. If you hadn't been so open, hadn't let me seen how you feel, I wouldn't have seen the light. And I'll never forget that."
She took his face in her hands and kissed him.
The spell was rather unspectacular as they could see little more than a bright light and where the two Gileses had stood one remained. He looked around momentarily disoriented by the sudden doubling of his memory of the last day. The pureness of his thoughts (be it pure good or pure bad) seemed odd, but still intense in retrospect. His gaze fell on Xander and he smiled.
Xander smiled back.
Then he turned to Buffy, who watched him with a loving smile.
He went to her not able to say anything. Now that he felt whole again he felt twice as good about her love. His certainty about her love was made even more powerful by his earlier doubts and his conviction that he was perfect for her together with his own self-consciousness made him feel even more special about her love.
They stood like that for a long time until he couldn't help himself and moved forward to kiss her. But she moved away. He was glad to notice that he wasn't afraid that she didn't want him and it had all been a mistake. He was sure of her love now, so he gave her a puzzled look.
"I need to talk to Riley first."
For a second it seemed almost ridiculous that she wouldn't want to kiss him considering what they had done the night before, but he understood. That had been different. In a way it hadn't been him. It had been 'Perfect' Giles and 'Weak' Giles: Two people that she would never meet again.
He nodded at her understanding but not able to fully hide his
disappointment.
"I'll hurry."
She gave him another look that said 'I really want to kiss you but if I do I won't be able to stop' and left.
He looked after her and felt one emotion clearly in sync on both of his sides: the love for this woman who meant the world to both of them.
* * *