This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and I know you won't understand, but I didn't feel right in just leaving without attempting to explain."

There were some scratched out words in between this and the next paragraph.

"I never want to hurt you. Please, I need you to know that. I hope we can remain friends, even if we can no longer be lovers. We're just not right for each other, we want different things, and you're too good to me. I truly don't deserve how kind and gentle you've been. I was far more comfortable with the way things were before we became intimate.

I have to leave, please, please do not come after me.

Yours always,
Wesley."

Giles sat in shock for a moment, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. Then the well conditioned habit of replacing grief with anger, kicked in.

"That little twerp. I'll be damned if I'll let him make the decision for both of us!"

He reached for his car keys.

*****

"WESLEY!" Giles pushed his way through the bus station, to where Wesley was standing and grabbed his arm. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Leaving," Wesley said resolutely.

"No you're not."

"And you're stopping me how? Honestly, Giles, we both know you're stronger than me, but do you plan on chaining me up to keep me from leaving?"

"No, however I did have a brief urge to take you over my knee. How dare you leave me like this! How dare you sneak out in the middle of the night after giving me what I can only assume was a sympathy fuck, only leaving a note to explain yourself?"

"It's complicated!" Wesley snapped.

"Not so complicated that we can't sit down and talk this out like adults."

"Didn't you just say that you wanted to..."

"Yes, I did." Giles sighed. "Because you're acting like a child! And I'm very angry and I have no idea what I'm saying because it is too early in the morning to be having this argument!"

"I'm not having an argument. You are. Please, can we not make this even harder? Please, Rupert, please just let me leave."

Giles looked into Wesley's eyes, they were begging him to just go. Go and forget about him.

"I'd like to talk about this." Giles said. Wesley nodded.

A few minutes later they were seated across from each other in the bus station's cafe.

"Why?" Giles asked. "Did I hurt you in some way?"

"No!" Wesley insisted. "Well, I mean--" He took a sip of his coffee to sort out his thoughts.

"I-need-I need the pain. Without it, everything feels wrong."

"I don't understand."

"I don't deserve what you give me. You hold me, and tell me you love me and always make sure I'm comfortable. It's too good, good things don't happen to me, I haven't earned this."

"You don't need to earn my love." Giles reached across the table and took his friend's hand. Wesley snatched it back.

"So I should keep my mouth shut, you'll keep me as long as I stay in your bed?"

"No!" Giles cried in frustration. "We're friends, co-workers, countrymen, lovers, I am not using you and I never plan to."

"Don't raise your voice, Rupert dear." Wesley said calmly. "People are staring."

"Let them. I'm not ashamed of our relationship. Are you?"

"Yes." Wesley whispered. "I'm not-I'm not as c-comfortable with it as you are. It's always been a Bad Thing, the one other time it was a Good Thing, I got hurt. He made me look like an idiot, he humiliated me."

"I told you I'd never do that." Giles felt the stinging return to his eyes and blinked. "I'm not him, or any of the others."

Wesley sniffled.

"Damn allergies." He muttered.

"Come with me." Giles ordered, standing up. Pressing a hand to Wesley's back, he guided him into the men's room. It was thankfully empty as Giles gently pinned him against the wall.

"Wha--?"

"Shhh." Giles kissed him, running a hand down Wesley's front, to the zipper of his trousers. Wesley's breath was hot on his neck, quick with need and desire. Giles unzipped the trousers and pulled them down to his lover's thighs, taking the boxers with them. Wesley was hard now and moaning in his ear. Giles kissed down his neck, behind his ear just the way Wes liked it. Nibbling on his earlobe as long, delicate fingers tugged at his own fly. Wesley was shifting against the wall, moving his legs apart to let Giles in. It clearly hurt, Wesley gave a small gasp of pain, but he was good at not letting it show. Giles thrust in deeper, slamming Wes against the cement wall, he thought the younger man might have hit his head but neither one wanted to stop.

Giles finally gave in and let the tears flow. Wesley was crying too and making little sobbing sounds that mingled with the first gasps of his orgasm. Wesley spasmed and buried his face in Giles' shoulder to muffle the scream.

"Shhhh." Giles said softly. "Shhh, baby. Hush, luv."

Wesley looked at him with big eyes, and brought out his tongue to lick the tears off Rupert's cheeks.

Giles tucked him back into his pants and zipped him up. Then he dried his friend's tears with his own sleeve.

"You'll miss your bus."

"We'll keep in touch?" Wesley asked.

"You have my number."

Wesley smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I ruined things for you."

"It's not your fault."

"Goodbye, Mr. Giles."

"Goodbye, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce."

Wesley turned and walked slowly out of the bathroom. When Giles had composed himself enough to leave, Wesley, his bags and the bus, were gone.