__Broken__
By Dword
What are you going to do Buffy?" Xander asked as they sat together on
the couch in the training room. "Are you just going to let him leave?"
"Let him leave?" she replied softly. "He's determined to go. For my
own good."
Buffy, unable to sit still any longer, popped up off the couch and
began pacing. Xander waited for her to burn off some of her
aggitation before he continued their conversation.
"If YOU tried hard enough you could get him to stay..."
Buffy realized Xander was right. She realized that he saw the the
truth she was afraid to admit. If she admitted it, then she would
have no one to blame for the emptiness in her heart that would be
there after Giles left. With a heavy sigh and resignation evident
throughout her body she returned to her place on the couch next to
Xander.
"You're right Xander, I could make him stay." She took his hands in
hers and continued, "MAKE him stay. Be selfish Buffy and make him
stay.I could but for whose good would that be? I could keep him
around and use him as a crutch... let him handle all the unpleasant
things I don't want to deal with, let him take responsibility for my
life and Dawn's. And he'd do it...Because he cares for me... and Dawn
he'd do it, and anything else I asked of him. But like he said I need
to do this on my own. I'm not a child anymore. And he deserves so
much more than that."
Buffy took a deep breath, forced back the tears that threatened, and
gave Xander a small weak smile.
"He's given up so much for me, lost so much. He deserves to be happy,
to have a real life. And I want him to have that. I want so much for
him. I don't think he will ever find any of that here on the
Hellmouth. If I let him go maybe he will. At least he will be safe...
Oh Xander! I need him to be safe! He would never be safe with me.
This way at least he has a chance..."
Xander watched as a single tear tracked down her cheek. He gave her
hand a squeeze in understanding then got up to leave.
"OK, Buffy. I get it. I'm going to go pick up Dawn at school, what
are you going to do?"
"What he wants me to... Grow up, live, get it right this time... make
him proud..."
She waved goodbye as Xander left and closed the door to the alley,
then she finished, "And love him 'til I die."
*******
Spike and Giles stood in the the front of the store and watched from
the shadows as the Slayer fell on the couch and sobbed her heartache.
Spike turned to the Watcher and said, "Well Rupes, let me be the
first to congratulate you."
"Excuse me?"
"You have accomplished what the Master, Angelus, the Mayor, Adam,
me in my heyday, and Glory the Hell God couldn't."
"What?!?"
"You broke her."
* * *