__Observance__
By Clarrie
SCENE 1: SUNNYDALE AIRPORT: 20:15
Airport Tannoy: The flight now landing at gate 4 is
the 8:15 from Heathrow. Thank you.
The camera follows a woman striding purposefully
through the airport. She is approximately 5 feet 6
inches tall and in her early to mid forties. She wears
a brown tweed skirt suit with green flecks and
sensible brown shoes.
Her hair is tied at the top of her head and secured in
a bun by an infinite number of hairpins. This has not
worked at the front however, where a pair of thick
silver rimmed glasses peer out from under a waterfall
of mousy brown hair. She is carrying two large
suitcases and a handbag the size of a small camper
van. She walks determinedly, her concentration
evidently elsewhere.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH, THE LIBRARY.
Giles, Wesley, Oz, Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Angel and
Buffy are standing around a circular, scorched hole in
the floor.
Giles: Well that was.
Xander: Big?
Cordelia: (pulling a face) Ugh, Gross.
Giles: .an interesting diversion. I must say however
that I could live without fifth class demons from the
interior dimensions in my library, Willow so.
Willow; Oh that's right, blame the witch. Why did I
have to do it? It could have been anyone. It - it
could have been Xander.
They look at her.
Giles: Willow (looks at Xander who is cleaning his
nails obliviously), Xander may have many faults, but
as far as I know, accidentally conjuring up fifth
class demons from the interior dimensions is not among
them.
Xander: He's right Will. I draw the line at third
class. fourth-class tops.
Giles: (taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes)
Yes, quite. Um, well thank you. Buffy, you managed
to get here very quickly.
Buffy: All in a day's work.
Wesley: Yes Miss Summers, Mr Giles is right, your
reaction time is increasing. But (lowers voice and
makes sweeping gesture towards Xander, Cordelia, Oz
and Angel) do you take these everywhere with you?
Buffy (shrugs): They're my crew
Camera turns to Oz, Angel, Cordelia and Xander.
Xander is doing innit sign -
upside-down-pointy-devil-finger rap thing.
Xander: Word.
Buffy: (looking at watch) OK, if my work here is done,
I have a nine o'clock showing waiting for me at.
Wesley (startled): Nine o'clock?
Buffy: Yeah, well it's 8:40 now, but.
Wesley: Why. I mean. why didn't somebody. I mean, if
it's 8:40 now, then.
Xander: Baywatch nights. I get that way if I miss it
myself.
Wesley: No. I mean. there's a representative, I was
meant to. from the airport. Oh lord! Oh dear God!
(Wesley sinks to the desk his head in his hands) Why
do these things happen to me? (Looks up at the group)
Do you know I came top of my year at Oxford? It's you
(points to Buffy et all). You throw my organisation
off. I was given one thing to do and you stopped me
from doing it.
Buffy: Calm down Wesley. Speak in sentences.
Giles: (looking through Wesley's watcher diary) He's
being observed.
CUT TO: A DARK ALLEYWAY
Airport lady is walking distractedly through the
alley, much in the same manner as she was at the
airport. She still carries all the suitcases, etc. and
the waterfall of hair is getting a little worse. Other
than that much is the same.
A dark haired, man in a leather jacket approaches her
from behind and taps her on the shoulder. She turns
around to face him. The camera too reveals his face
for the first time. Surprise, surprise, he's a
vampire. He roars in her face. She kicks him in the
balls, doubling him over, as his mates converge on the
scene. She drops her suitcases and takes a stake from
her pocket.
Vampire 1 jumps back at her, she stakes him. Vampires
2 and 3 approach her from behind. She spins round and
floors them with a roundhouse kick, before staking
vampire 4. She kicks vampire 5 in the chest and stakes
him before turning back round to stake vampires 2 and
3. She checks that the alleyway is vampireless, before
picking up her suitcases again.
Airport lady: Bloody vampires.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH LIBRARY
Giles and the rest are gathered around his desk,
reading Wesley's watcher diary. Wesley himself is
sitting at the big table with his head on his folded
arms.
Giles: (takes off glasses) A representative of the
watchers council arrived at Sunnydale airport at 8:15
(gestures at Wesley). Wesley here was meant too meet
him at the airport. (Giles opens the draw and takes a
look) Oh dear.
Willow: What? Why "oh dear"? Why say, "oh dear"? Oh
dear.
Giles: He made a sign (he takes a strip of cardboard
with "Wesley Wyndam-Pryce" written on it from the
draw).
Buffy: Oh dear.
Oz: Shouldn't that have their names on it? Just a
suggestion.
Wesley groans.
Airport lady enters the doorway
Airport lady: Assistant librarian, Wesley
Wyndam-Pryce?
Buffy: Hey Wesley! Your mom's here.
Wesley: (lifting his head from the table) Mummy?
(Realising that Buffy was joking) Don't toy with me,
Miss Summers.
Giles: (controlling a smile) Yes, Buffy. That was
uncalled for.
Airport lady: (brushing hair from her eyes) Squirrel?
Giles: Alice? Alice Boston is that you?
Oz: Assistant librarian?
Xander: Squirrel?
Buffy: I'm guessing he got here on his own.
Xander: Squirrel?
Giles: (standing up) Alice. Why didn't you say that
Miss Boston was your Observer, Wesley?
Wesley looks blankly at Giles
Wesley: Oh good, someone else who knew you first. (He
returns his head to the table)
Xander: (quietly) Observer?
Oz: (quietly to Xander) A Watcher watcher?
Alice Boston: (putting down her suitcases and looking
at Wesley in concern) Mr Wyndam-Pryce?
Giles: Umm, he's a little..
Willow: He's tired. There were demons and. in the
library and he. he's tired. (Smiles in a panicky
"please believe me" fashion)
Alice Boston: Tired?
They all nod.
Giles: He'll be better once he's wound down.
Camera swings round to Wesley's face. Wesley opens
his eyes wide and looks left and right in a `why am I
here' fashion. He hears Alice and snaps into an
upright position. He stands up, straightens his tie
and walks towards them. He holds out his hand.
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. Good evening.
Alice Boston: Gosh, well, good evening Mr.
Wyndam-Pryce. (takes some papers out of her handbag)
If you'd care to take a look through these papers, we
need your signature on the 1st and 3rd.
(Looks up from her bag) Giles, do you have a phone?
Giles: Yes-yes, of course here. (Picks up a phone)
Xander: We have a phone? A phone I don't pay for. Why
wasn't I told?
Oz: Who would you call?
Xander: Well pointed out. Assistant librarian? When
does he assist?
Giles: Excuse me for a moment, Alice. (Turns to
Xander) He's only technically the assistant librarian.
It ensures he's always on site. And it pays a living
wage.
Xander: I'm always on site. Why don't I get a living
wage?
Giles: Now you know and I know, that Snyder, uhm. Mr
Snyder, that is Principal Snyder, wouldn't let you
near the janeteering staff let alone an educational
post.
Xander: Janeteering?
Oz: Go with it.
Alice: Giles? Phone?
Giles: Yes-yes, quite. Do you mind if I ask who, that
is, who it is you're going to phone?
Alice: Celia
Giles: (taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes)
Oh, Celia. You brought. you brought Celia with you?
Alice: No.
Giles: Well then you can't.
Alice: Giles, give me the phone.
Giles: Alice, I'm not letting you phone London from my
library.
Cordelia: (re-entering the library carrying food,
crisps and what have you) Wow, it's like a she-Giles
Oz: Feel the passion.
Willow: Well it makes sense, there must be lady
watchers. Else, where would you get little watchers
from.
Alice: Giles, like the boy said, "you don't pay for
it."
Xander: Hey, me boy, boy want food. (Cordelia throws
him crisps) Oh, boy wanted candy.
Cordelia sits at the table
Cordelia: So who's Celia?
Oz: We don' t know, I'm guessing head she-Giles.
Alice: Giles! (Places her hands on her chest in a
casual version of the watcher sign) In the name of the
watchers council, I demand that you give me that
phone. (Stands tapping her foot)
Giles: Oh you. I can't. Oh take it. (hands Alice the
phone)
Buffy: Giles?
Giles: (frowning at Alice) What?
Buffy: Didn't you get, like, fired?
Giles: And?
Buffy: You don't have to take any of that `in the name
of the watchers council' stuff anymore.
Giles: (still frowning) Yes-yes, you're right. Oh she
would have got the phone anyway.
Alice: (into the phone, using the sing song voice that
people use for pets and small children) Celia? You're
a good girl. Whose mummies good girl, yes she is. Is
Martha there? No? Well have you eaten? In the kitchen,
the fridge. No, not the hot box. The cold place. Good
girl. Where's the cats? (Said really quickly like
wezzacatz) Good girl, yes you are, good girl! Bye bye!
Bye bye! All right, good girl! FETCH! (Alice slams
the phone down as she calls fetch)
Giles: You-you've got Martha caring for her?
Alice: I'm abroad so much now. Martha's there while
I'm away. Now, which of these fine youths is the
slayer?
Buffy: (holding up her hand and walking towards Alice)
That would be me. Buffy Summers - slayer to the stars.
Alice: Buffy?
Buffy: Yup.
Alice: Gosh. How very American. (She turns to the
others) and these would be.
Giles: Um. (takes off his glasses and pinches the
bridge of his nose, gestures towards Cordelia)
Cordelia Chase, (Alice raises an eyebrow at her name,
Giles gestures towards Willow) Willow Rosenburg
(Willow waves and smiles, Alice raises an eyebrow
further) erm Oz, (Oz nods an acknowledgement and Alice
suppresses a smile) and umm.
Xander: Alexander. Ma'am (Xander cuts across Giles and
shakes her hand), pleased to meet you.
Buffy: Alexander?
Xander: Yes, Buffy. That would be my name.
Cordelia: Celia is a dog?
Giles: Well, um it's-it's a little more complicated
than that. Alice here has a Canus Lupis Sapient.
Xander: You can get cream for that now.
Buffy: A what?
Giles: (taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes)
Celia is a Canus Lupis Sapient. In the same sense that
Oz is a Homo Lupis Sapient.
Xander suppresses a snigger in an attempt not to seem
immature.
Alice: Golly, which one's Oz again?
Oz: (raising a hand slightly) Pleased to be of
service, ma'am.
Xander: So Celia is a were-dog?
Giles: Essentially yes.
Willow: Why don't we get those? A demon that turns
into a puppy every month. Sunnydale needs more of
those.
Alice: (lifting up her head from her handbag, where
she has been searching for something) No, no not a
were-dog. Giles, you've given them the wrong idea.
Giles: Yes-yes I do appear to have misled you. Celia
isn't in fact a human who turns into a dog. Rather
most of the time she is a ratty, worm-eaten dog apart
from during the full moon, when she's a ratty,
worm-eaten wolf person.
Alice: They're very rare. And she's not ratty.
Wesley (clears his throat) I've got my Watcher diaries
in the next room, if you would care to see them?
Alice: (distracted, still searching in her handbag)
Yes-yes, quite (Lifting her head). Do you know, I
don't think it's in here? One of you big strong lads
couldn't fetch my suitcase over here, could you?
Xander and Angel walk across the room, Angel picks up
a suitcase and carries it back. Xander attempts to
pick up a suitcase and fails.
Xander: (leaning nonchalantly against the case) Do you
mind if I ask what you have in this case? I mean it's
not like, personal things?
Buffy: Personal things?
Willow: He means underwear.
Alice: Books-books and other research materials.
(Turns to Giles) You'll like some of the books I
brought with me. Updates from the watchers council,
new issues of `Watcher Watch' that sort of thing.
Xander: (more or less to himself) Well if it's not
personal things, I can do more than one trip. (Putting
his hands on the lock) `Did you pack this case
yourself Madam? No I let my pet werewolf do it.'
Alice: NO!
A bolt of bluey green light issues from the lock and
throws Xander across the room.
Xander: Hooha. (He coughs) Ow.
Buffy, who has leapt across to where he is, lifts him
to his feet.
Buffy: Are you all right?
Xander: Apart from the searing pain? Sure.
While they are talking, Willow walks over to the case
and mutters a few words over the lock and opens the
case. The group look at her.
Willow: Oreanha's protective. I use it on my lunch
some days.
Giles: Your-your. um, lunch?
Willow: Well, you know, when I have cake.
Giles: Um, Alice, do any of your other possessions
have booby traps?
Alice: (sorting through the suitcase having muttered
over the other locks) What? Um, no. I must say,
Alexander, is it? Most people find that the sinister
aura puts them off from even touching the case, before
they get a chance to be erm.
Buffy: Zapped?
Alice (smiling) Yes, quite.
Xander: What can I say? I'm that kind of guy.
Giles: (patting Xander on the shoulder as he walks
past) Yes-yes you are, aren't you?
Alice Boston: Aha, got ya! (She clasps two or three
spiral bound soft back folders and a small purse)
Alice Boston: Squirrel, catch! (Alice throws the
folders at Giles)
Giles: What? Ah! (flaps his hands about aimlessly
whilst folders hit him harmlessly in the stomach)
Alice Boston: `Watcher Watch' Latest word in Watcher
protocol, news on new demons and what have you. No
need to thank me.
Giles: Well, yes, but surely Mr Wyndam-Pryce?
Alice Boston: Oh Wes doesn't mind if you read it
first, do ya, Wes? No, course you don't. Squirrel can
underline the difficult bits for you.
Giles: (shaking his head and flipping through the
folders) Yes, erm. quite. I'll just put these in the
office, shall I? (Wanders off shaking head again).
Alice Boston: (opens the purse and takes out a packet
of cigarettes and a lighter) Dear me, I've been
looking for these since we landed. Honestly, I can
remember a time when you could do damn near anything
on a plane, as long as it didn't scare the pigeons!
(Gives a short snort of laughter) Eh? Scare the
pigeons! (Buffy and her friends look at her a bit
aghast) No? Well, different cultural references I
suppose. Can't say a little polite laughter wouldn't
have gone amiss, ah well. (She clicks the flint and
sparks up the lighter)
Giles: ( unseen voice from behind the shelves) No,
no, no, no. You-you can't do that in here.
Alice Boston: (holding her cigarettes and lighter and
looking innocent) What? Squirrel, you wouldn't deny
a cigarette to one of your oldest friends?
Giles: Yes-yes I would Alice, as you may have noticed
this is a library, full of books, which-which are made
of paper. flammable paper.
Alice Boston: Gosh Squirrel, you're like an old woman
sometimes, really. Well if I can't smoke then what
does it take to get a Drink here? I've a mouth like a
budgie cage.
Giles: Hmm, you've got a mouth like something. I'll
go and make some tea.
Alice Boston: Tea? I've come halfway across the world.
You come halfway across the world and meet someone you
haven't seen for, gosh, ages. That's the sort of
thing you break out a nice 18 year-old single Irish
for, eh? Oh my, what's wrong with them? Don't
Americans Drink? (she addesses these last remarks to
Buffy and her friends, who are looking a little
gobsmacked)
Giles: Alice, this is a library.
Alice Boston: Oh well. (gestures at Wesley) You, Mr
useful. Is there anywhere I can Drink and smoke in
this place, preferably at the same time?
Wesley: Umm, there. I. well there's `The Feathers'.
It's the pub near my flat.
Xander: (eating) Pub? Sunnydale has an English
quarter now?
Oz: Why not? We have a demon district.
Alice Boston: (taking a larger old looking book from
her luggage) Here Squirrel, borrowed this in '85. You
better have it back now, I suppose. ( She throws the
book at Giles, who this time, is quick enough to catch
it) Aha , gosh threw the book at `im. Eh? Eh? Oh
nevermind.
Giles: Yes, I'll put this on the shelves, shall I?
Alice Boston: So eh , Squirrel. Coming with us?
Giles: No, no. I'll content myself with cataloguing
this for the moment. Mr Wyndam-Pryce will escort you
to the, what is it `The Feathers'?
Alice Boston: Oh, fair enough.
Giles wanders away to the shelves, shaking his head
and smiling.
Alice Boston: Ok , Booze and fags, here we come, eh
Wesley?
Xander: (with his mouth full) I knew it!
Giles: (unseen voice from behind the shelves)
Cigarettes, Xander, cigarettes.
Wesley and Alice leave. The last thing we hear is
Alice's booming laugh.
Xander: Ripper? Squirrel? What are you the nickname
king?
Giles : (Picking up books from the main table) Yes,
well. Have we had our little laugh at my expense?
Buffy: Hell no. Squirel?
Giles: I used to have a. well my face was a little
plump. I suppose for the sake of authenticity, it
should have been hamster, but ....
Xander: Well rodent boy. . .
Gile: Hey, what ever happened to respect for your
elders?
Willow: We-we respect you. Squirell! (puts her hands
over her face and giggles)
Giles: (Sitting wearily in his chair) et tu Willow?.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HOSPITAL
A thin dark haired woman lies asleep in a hospital
bed. Sitting half asleep by her side is a tall well
Dr.essed dark haired man wearing thick glasses. The
pair might as well have `evil goth baddie' written
across their foreheads. In spite of this the man's
face is Drawn and his eyes are red rimmed as if he has
spent nights worrying and tearful. A doctor enters.
Dr.: Dr. Villiemme?
The tired looking man stands up.
Dr. Villiemme: Doctor?
Dr.: (gesturing to Dr. Villiemme to join him in the
corridor) This is never an easy thing to say Dr.
Villiemme, it's the part of my job I most hate I'm
afraid. As you know your wife has been with us for
some months now and, well I'm afraid her condition
has, well you're a medical man Doctor , I'm sure that
you were informed of the risks... There really is
nothing further we can do, you see. It's only a
matter of time.
Dr. Villiemme : Oh, I see.
Dr.: I'm sorry. There really is nothing we can do. Of
course she's welcome to stay here, but some of our
patients prefer to be among family when. Well, that's
something you'll have to discuss.
Dr. Villiemme: Yes, quite. Thank you, Doctor.
Dr. Villiemme ushers the doctor out of the room and
takes up position next to the woman again, she stirs
slightly.
Dr. Villiemme: Shh, Aprille. Sleep, sleep. ( turning
away and picking up a mobile phone -cue ominous music)
Dzecthel? I'm calling in all my favours. Tell your
people that they have a job to do for me.
He turns back to the sleeping woman who is twitching
in her sleep
Dr. Villiemme: Be still, Aprille. You're not going
anywhere soon.
CUT TO: `THE FEATHERS'
Alice and Wesley are seated at the bar of `The
Feathers'. Wesley looks a little nervous.
Alice Boston: Oh , what are yeh, Wesley? A man or a
mouse?
Wesley: I, well, I don't , I .
Alice Boston: Well I'm not sitting in a bar with a man
who Dr.inks shandy (gestures to barman) Do you do
`Speckled hen?' (barman nods) A pint and a half of
Speckled hen then, please dear. ( turns to Wesley )
And what are you having? (Wesley's jaw Dr.ops) I'm
joking! I'm joking. Gosh, this'll put hairs on your
chest. (She hands Wesley his pint, which looks huge
and takes a sip of her Dr.ink. Wesley smiles nervously
- fade to black).
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH - EXTERIOR- MORNING
Willow, Oz and Xander sit underneath a tree with a low
wall next to it. Xander has already broken into his
lunch. He is talking and using the apple, he is
halfway through eating, to emphasize a point.
Xander: So I said, `You say that now!'
Willow: And?
Xander: And nothing, baby. Let no one say Xander
Harris doesn't know how to end an argument.
Oz: You're a dancing fool.
Xander: Ah, you say that now.
Giles comes loping across the courtyard using that
odd, girly trotting run that only him and english
women use. Like he doesn't want people to know that
he's running.
Giles: Oh, Willow, good. Just the person I wanted to
talk to. Erm. the computer. in the library. It appears
to be on a strike of some sort.
Willow: Okey Dokey. Do you know what the problem
is?
Giles: Other than that it won't start? I'm afraid not.
(looks around) Oh, is Buffy not here yet?
Xander: We thought she was with you.
Buffy aproaches.
Buffy: Hi.
Xander: Hi.
Oz: Buff.
Giles: Oh, hello Buffy. We were. erm.. just talking
about you.
Buffy: Well (makes hands-open gesture) here I am.
Xander: (does little shadow boxing dance type thing)
So Buff, been kicking some demon butt?
Buffy: (looking at Xander oddly) Umm, no? I was
washing my hair. I was going to do it last night, but
I forgot. So I'm late.
Giles: Willow, computer?
Giles and Willow trot off to the library. Buffy pulls
her bag up over her shoulder.
Buffy : OK, I have classes and I am way late, so ..
Xander : OK. See you around (waves)!
Xander and Oz stretch out in the sunshine.
Xander: Aaah, always rushing somewhere.
Oz: Hmmm.
Xander: The little ladies just don't understand the
need for relaxation like we do. (Folds his arms behind
his head)
Oz: Xander?
Xander: Hmmm?
Oz: Don't you have Social Science with Buffy? (looks
at watch) Like ten minutes ago?
Xander makes choking noises, jumps bolt upright and
runs/falls into the distance.
CUT TO: WESLEY'S FLAT (APARTMENT)
Wesley lies in bed, asleep. He has bed hair and no
glassses.
Light floods through the gap in the curtains, he wakes
up and groans a little. He tries to sit up and winces
and holds his forehead, groaning with pain. He thrusts
out his hand and gropes blindly for his glasses. He
puts them on, looks at the time and groans again.
The sound of running water comes from his bathroom.
His eyes widen. He tries to get up again and looks
visibly queasy. The sound of coughing comes from the
bathroom. His eyes widen a little more and he turns
towards the bathroom door.
From the bathroom a familiar female voice booms out,
`The ride of the Valkryes'. Wesley turns pale and
curls up into the fetal position, Drawing the
bedspread up around his neck.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH LIBRARY
Xander, Oz, Willow, Buffy and Giles stand around.
Xander: I don't believe I've got to do my Social
Science's essay all over.
Giles: I don't understand how it is you get into
these scrapes? You say you just forgot? (passes a
pile of books over to Xander.) Here, these should help
you .
Willow: (stands at the computer) Did you plug it in?
Giles: Credit me with a little intelligence. (kicks
aside a small pile of books surrounding the plug
socket and surruptitiously checks that it is plugged
in)
Willow: (fiddles with computer for like ten seconds)
Oh, I see your problem, (computer starts up) your
(insert mind numbing computer babble here). You see
(squeaks in surprise because Angel has appeared behind
her)
Angel: Something's going down.
Ominous music- everyone focusses on Angel. The
silence is broken by Wesley, who scuttles through the
library at some speed, avoiding eye contact with
anyone.
Wesley : Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.
They stare after him for a moment before focussing
back on Angel
Buffy: Angel?
Angel: There's something going down.
Alice saunters in, going through her handbag as she
walks, putting her cigarettes away and waving away the
smoke.
Alice: Cooeee. Gosh whats going on here? You all look
absolutely granite faced.
Giles: Erm. Angel. that is Angel has some news.
Alice: Oooh! (perches on desk and turns to face Angel)
Well, do carry on. There's a dear.
Angel turns back towards Giles and Buffy.
Angel: There's something going down, something
unusual. I don't know what, I'm not exactly in the
loop any more, you know?
Giles: (murmurs) Yes, yes, we understand.
Alice looks a little puzzled.
Angel: As I said, I'm not sure what it is, but I'm
pretty sure that whatever it is, is happening on
consecrated ground, and soon. Other than that, I can't
say, but there's been some real organisation behind
this. I can sense it.
Buffy: So, shall I do a whistle stop tour of the
Sunnydale churches?
Giles: Erm. yes-yes, quite. Willow, do you think you
could check for any abandoned churches or churches
with poor night security, that sort of thing?
Willow: I'll get right to it.
Buffy: (standing up) I'll help. (Quietly to Willow, as
they walk along - looking at Alice) The exact same
clothes as yesterday did you catch that?
Willow: (innocent looking) She's British. Giles
always wears the same clothes too.
Buffy: (eyebrows raised) Uhummnn?
Buffy and Willow walk over to the computer, Xander
opens the Social Science's textbooks, and Angel stands
looking over Xander's shoulder.
Angel: Wasn't that due in today?
Xander: (standing up angrily) Yes, yes it was due in
today. Buffy gave it in today, Jonathon gave it in
today, even weird Jo, who sits at the back eating
glue, gave his in today! But I didn't, because I'm a
dope. OK, deadboy? Ya happy?
Alice: (looking up from her handbag) Gosh, Dehdbouy?
Is that Cornish?
Angel looks at her in a puzzled fashion. Everyone
looks a bit nervous.
Giles: Um. Alice, why don't you come with me and make
some tea?
Giles takes Alice by the arm and leads her into his
office.
Willow: Xander. If it helps, you can have my Social
Science essay, just to use as an outline.
Xander: If it helps! Will, you're a goddess!
Alice: (unseen shout from the office) A VAMPIRE!!!
Everyone turns towards the office. Giles and Alice
return. Alice stares at Angel with a fixed grin.
Giles: (startled) Tea! (dashes back into the office,
returns with tea).
Giles: (smiling apologetically) Tea.
Alice sips tea.
Alice: So, erm. Buffy? Has Wesley been bitten, I-I-I
mean in. Has Wesley been in?
Xander: He went that a way. (gestures theatrically in
the direction in which Wesley had gone)
Alice: Oh well, no rest for the wicked. I mean, that
is. thank you, Alexander.
Xander: Pleased to be of service ma'am.
Alice stands up and smiles at the group.
Alice: Well, Willow, Alexander, Ozwald, erm. Angelus.
People to do, things to see. Eh what? (grins)
The group just sort of look at her.
Alice: (turning to Giles) Well, Squirell, I can see
you have infected them all with your effervescent joy
in simply being alive. (She picks up her handbag) I'll
be off now, observing etc. Keep me up to date on that
um. `something,' whatever it turns out to be.
Xander: We'll do that (touches his nose and points,
inclining his head slightly)
Alice leaves.
Oz: Ozwald?
Giles: (patting Oz on the shoulder) It, erm. It. Go
with it.
CUT TO: THE STREETS OF SUNNYDALE
Buffy and Angel walk along the dark streets. Buffy is
waving her arms around as she talks. She still has a
stake in one hand, which is causing Angel to dodge and
weave.
Buffy: And she had like the exact same clothes as she
had on yesterday.
Angel: Maybe she only has one set of clothes.
A vampire jumps out. Buffy stakes it without looking.
Buffy: Oh, you are just Willow with fangs.
Angel: I am?
Another vampire jumps out. Buffy floors him with a
roundhouse kick. Kicks him twice again and stakes him.
Buffy: (gesturing towards the church which they are
aproaching, The camera pans out to reveal that it's
all lit up and a stream of vampires are converging on
it - standing out against the night sky like a sore
thumb) You think that's your something?
Angel: (shrugging) It's a possibility.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH LIBRARY
Xander sits at the table with the books open, however
from our viewpoint, it is clear that he has simply
copied out Willow's essay, writing his name at the
top.
Xander: (stretching out) Time for a well earned break.
(switches on a small portable television on the table,
the first few chords of a guitar Driven theme crash
out) Cool, just in time. (sits transfixed, slurping
soda)
Giles wanders past carrying books, the television
catches his eye.
Giles: What on earth is this?
Xander: (eyes glued to television) Stacey Mae, the
High School Warrior Cheerleader.
Giles: (hypnotised, slack jawed) I don't know how you
can watch this. (follows a particularly flashy
roundhouse kick) Rubbish!
Xander: No, it's very. (watches slack jawed and
hypnotised as the blonde heroine runs along looking
big eyed and scared) well written.
Giles: (following the onscreen action with his head on
one side) She's very, feminine for someone who fights
so much.
Xander: (Slurping soda) Hmm.
There's an onscreen explosion and and a tall angular
character with an English accent and a brown cardigan
chastises Stacey Mae.
Giles: It's so unrealistic, it's just ridiculous. I
mean, who's that meant to be?
Xander: Brian, he advises Stacey Mae.
Giles: Who would take advice from that? Doesn't he
realise what an old woman he looks in those clothes?
Xander: (still staring at screen) Less talk, more
watch.
Xander slurps his soda, realises it's empty and
reaches for the bottle. He pours, but is distracted
by the television and misses the cup. Giles, too, is
transfixed by the blonde kickboxer and doesn't notice
until the soda runs down off the table and onto his
shoe.
Giles: Oh, Xander! Look, just. um. the books! Just
get a mop.
CUT TO: INTERIOR CHURCH
The pews are filled with ranks of vampires, dark,
purple velvet cloth covers the altar. There's gold
and silver plates scattered everywhere, it's all very
gothy - At the altar stands Dr. Villiemme, holding
Aprille upright, he brushes the hair away from her
neck, she whimpers a little.
Dr. Villiemme: Hush. It'll be all over by the dawn.
A dark male vampire steps forward.
Dzecthel: Congregation! Tonight, we welcome among us a
new member. A new life joins ours. Welcome Proffesor
Aprille Villiemme.
Dr. Villiemme brings Aprille forward. The dark
vampire roars and bites into her neck. She flinches
and he presses her head against his own neck . The
vampire crowd make a lot of whooping and howling
noises. Suddenly the large doors at the front of the
church smash open.
Buffy: Busted.
The vampires swarm towards her and Angel. They start
to fight them off.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH, CORRIDOR OUTSIDE LIBRARY.
Xander wanders along the corridor, shadow boxing and
humming the theme from `Stacey Mae the High School
Warrior Cheerleader'. He reaches the janitors closet
and stops.
Xander: Ah, utility closet. Such bitter sweet
memories.
He puts his hand on the handle.
CUT TO: INTERIOR CHURCH
Wave upon wave of vampires are sweeping down on Buffy
and Angel. They continue to fight them off together.
Angel: I don't think this is going to be easy.
Buffy: (stopping fighting momentarily and turning to
Angel) You think?
Angel: (still fighting off vampires) You don't have to
be like that.
Buffy: Sorry. (pause, stake vampire) It's just, you
know, ask a silly question.
Angel: I didn't ask a question. (stake vampire)
Buffy: It still stands. (stake vampire)
Angel: I really do think that they have us outnumbered
(stake vampire)
Buffy: You sound like Giles. (stake vampire) So what
do we do ?
Angel: I don't. (stake vampire) have to do anything.
(stake vampire) but if I were you. (stake vampire)
then I would definetely. ( stake vampire) consider.
(stake vampire) .
Buffy: RUN!.
They run out of the church and down the road, as if
all hell is loose behind them, as in fact it is.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH, CORRIDOR OUTSIDE LIBRARY.
Xander stands outside the janitors closet with his
hand on the handle. He goes to twist it, but is
suddenly distracted.
Xander: Oh, a penny ! (bends down to pick up the coin)
See a penny pick it up (opens door) all day long
you'll have good (turns to face open cupboard door )
Gnargh!
Alice: Hello.
Wesley: Oh God! It-It's not what it... oh my!
(I HAVEN' T USED THIS BEFORE, I FORGOT, BUT, )
CUT TO: AD BREAK
RETURN FROM AD BREAK
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH LIBRARY
The group are gathered in the library. Buffy and
Angel have returned. Wesley and Alice look sheepish.
Xander looks traumatised. Giles, who Xander has
obviously confided in, looks a little distracted by it
all. Will, Oz, Buffy and Angel obviously don't know.
Buffy: We found the `something.'
Alice: Gosh! (giggles) Sorry. Carry on .
Giles: So erm. what (distracted by Alice suddenly
remembering to tuck in her shirt, unnoticed by the
rest) I, erm. that is. quite.
Buffy: (looking at Giles with concern) Giles?
Giles: Hmm? (stares at Buffy momentarily before
snapping back top earth) Oh, yes! So. slaying. How
did your patrol go?
Wesley: Yes, Alice has (clears his throat) informed
me.
Xander snorts. Giles shuffles papers.
Wesley: That Angel had suspicions of an unusual amount
of activity.
Xander snorts again.
Wesley: among the vampire community.
Buffy: (looking puzzled at Xander, etc) Yeah, we
checked out the list of churches Will gave us .
Oz: (unemotionally) Yay Will.
Buffy: Anyhoo, St Mary's. Vampire city. I mean every
vampire in Sunnydale must have been in that church.
Wesley: Did you notice anything unusual?
Buffy: Apart from the vampires suddenly getting
religion?
Giles: Buffy.
Buffy: OK. There was something going on at the front
of the church. Velvet all over the place, chalices,
silver plates, a feeding , there was a woman, and
there was some serious vampire snackage going on. It
was way Anne Rice.
Alice: Anne Rice?
Giles: Erm. like Mills and Boon, Alice, but with
vampires.
Will, Xander, Buffy: Mills and Boon?
Giles: Like Anne Rice, but. oh, it doesn't matter.
Angel: It was an organised sire-ing. That woman
wasn't just being fed on. She was feeding too.
Giles: It does indeed sound as if someone is. erm.
recruiting.
Buffy: And?
Giles: Pardon?
Buffy: You were making tired frown number 112, `this
is odd.'
Giles: Yes? Quite.Well it is.
Buffy: Because?
Giles: Well, vampires are not usually, by their
nature, community animals. In fact, the only time that
a vampire is likely to worry about the decimation of
the local vampire population is when he .
Willow: Or she.
Giles: Indeed. Or she. Is the one being. erm.
decimated.
Oz: Well put.
Willow: So what do we do? We can't just let them
reproduce right? Well, we can't.
Wesley: Well, that would rather be the essence of a
vampire slayer, to slay vampires. But the mere
reproduction of vampires, whilst a little odd in that
it was ritualised to such an extent tonight and not
something to be encouraged, is not, in as far as a
vampire can be so, unnatural.
Buffy: Guh?
Giles: I think we could all think about it better
after a good nights sleep.
Buffy (yawning) I hear ya.
The others mumble in agreement.
Alice: (looking a little surprised) What have you done
to these poor children, Squirell? The night is young!
Giles: I haven't done anything Raleigh.
Willow: Raleigh? Why did he call you, `Raleigh'?
Alice: Because I was made with pride in Nottingham.
Giles: It bloody wasn't.
Willow switches off the computer. Everyone else puts
their things away. Angel slings Buffy's coat over her
shoulders.
Buffy: Well, um, we'll be going then.
Buffy and the group follow chattering.
Giles: Come on, Raleigh. I'll walk you home for
safekeeping.
Alice: Oh, don't worry yourself about me, Squirell.
Giles: (Looking meaningfully at Wesley who blushes)
It's not you I'm worried about. (puts on his coat)
Wesley, lock up for me, will you?
Wesley: I. well. of. yes, of course.
Giles: Good.
Giles and Alice turn to go - facing away from the
camera.
Alice: You haven't changed one bit have you?
Giles: Neither have you. I really don't know what to
make of you, Raleigh Boston.
Alice: (shrugs) I get easily bored.
Giles: Alice, he's half your age.
Alice: (shrugs) mmph
Giles: and dammit, he's Wesley. It's-it's grotesque.
CUT TO: INTERIOR AN APARTMENT
The apartment is furnished in a modern comfortable
minimalist style. The only sign of anythiing unusual
are the tightly closed blinds and the few discretely
placed occult symbols. Those and the chuffing great
vampire pacing the living room floor. Aprille is
barely recognisable as the woman we first met in the
hospital. Her limbs have grown strong again and as
she paces, she looks like a caged panther.
Dzecthel: She needs to feed.
Dr. Villiemme: I am familiar with the needs of the
vampire. (takes Aprille by the hand and kisses it ) Do
not worry my love. You'll have time to feed soon
enough. (strokes her face)
Aprille looks him in the eyes, places her hand over
his and lunges at his neck - there is a flurry of
movement and Dzecthel pulls her away from Dr.
Villiemme, who falls to the floor.
Dr. Villiemme: (brushing him self down and laughing
indulgently) Now, now, (chuckles) there's gratitude
for you. I didn't go through all this, so you could
feed on me the first chance you got. (turns to
Dzecthel) Dzecthel, where can I take her, for her
first feed as it were?
Dzecthel: Well, for her first hunt, she wants to be
certain of a kill, so I'd go to a club. Normally, I'd
suggest the Bronze, but there's been, shall we say, an
element of danger in hunting there recently. (he
presses his fingers together in a temple like
arrangement) I think possibly, `The Feathers.'
There's an older clientelle, but never the less, the
risk of being slain is greatly reduced.
Dr. Villiemme grabs Aprille by the waist.
Dr. Villiemme: How does that suit you, Aprille? Do you
want to go out and grab a bite?
CUT TO: INTERIOR , ALICE'S ROOMS
Alice lies on her bed, fully clothed except for her
shoes, smoking furiously. She flips through a soft
backed folder, on the cover of which are the intials W
and C intertwined and underneath those are the words,
`watcher watch spring/summer.' She looks very , very
bored.
Alice: Aargh! (throws folder to floor in frustration)
That's it, I'm going out. (she slips on her shoes and
pinches out the end of her cigarette) Right. (She
pads across the floor and puts her hand on the handle
- she leaps back and holds her hand as if scalded)
Rupert George Weldon Giles, you utter, utter bastard!
A small handwritten note flutters down from places
unknown - Alice reads it.
Giles's voice reads it aloud for us: You never learn,
do you, Raleigh? If you're reading this you'll know
that I've put Johann's sealant on your rooms, just
like in your old exam days eh? It will have worn off
by morning, so don't try to fight it. Have a good
sleep, yours, Giles.
Alice: (screwing up note and throwing it aside) Bugger
Johann's sealant, Squirell. I'm not a bloody bantling
anymore. (takes off her shoe and puts her hand inside
it - stands next to her window and taps gently with
exagerated care. Once, twice, then gives the window
an almighty thump smashing a small pane of the glass -
she puts her shoe back on and puts her hand through
the opening in the window from the outside)
Alice: Ha, freedom. (Climbs backwards out of the
window, slips slightly ) Ooh! Gosh! (giggles riotously
and regains footing - giggles continue out of sight).
CUT TO: INSIDE THE FEATHERS - LATER THAT NIGHT
Dzecthel was right, The Feathers does attract an older
clientelle, in the sense that most of the customers
have left high school. Central is Alice who is clearly
quite `merry'. She is leaning over some poor nervous
looking youth wearing cordrouys. She is punctuating
with her cigarette.
Alice: Do you know, you really are quite ravishing. I
mean I have seen some, well I've been to some places
with fine looking populations, but you are clearly a
fascinating individual.
The doors burst open and a group of vampires stream in
- Aprille and Dzecthel head the attack Alice sobers
instantly and feels inside her jacket for a stake.
Dzecthel: (gesturing towards the bar) Over there,
feed quickly whilst they are disorientated.
The vampires swarm towards the bar - people are
screaming etc. The young man next to Alice is bitten,
assorted others are bitten. Alice stakes the nearest
vampire, she kicks a vampire in the chest as he lunges
at her and stakes him, more vampires are kicked,
punched and staked. The fight moves to the centre of
the room, Alice continues to stake vampires all around
her. She spins and stakes a vampire behind her. It is
Aprille, a shocked silence descends upon the vampire
crowd.
Alice: (shouting) Run, for God's sake all of you.
What, are you waiting for permission?
The crowd scatters. The now depleted vampire crowd
stand in silence - Dr. Villiemme stands staring at
Alice with hatred burning from his eyes.
Dr. Villiemme: What, have you done?
Alice looks momentarily nervous and lets her arm fall
to her sides.
Dr. Villiemme: You are going to suffer. Oh my lord,
you are going to suffer. (Dzecthel puts his hand on
his shoulder - Dr. Villiemme pulls away-speaking in a
low calm voice) I am going to show you pain, the
likes of which you will believe could never have
existed. You will beg and you will plead, but there
will be know escape, (circles Alice who is glued to
the spot) You see I have a lot of friends in this
town, a lot of people who owe me favours. A lot of
people who depend upon me for the little things which
make life more comfortable. You will not know comfort
again. Your greatest craving will be death, but it
will not come, because I intend to make you pay for a
long, long time.
Alice: (biting her lip) Oh fuck! (punches Dr.
Villiemme in the stomach with a quick rabbit punch,
momentarily winding him and escapes, cornering a fair
turn of speed for a big lass. Dzecthel jumps forward
to help up Dr. Villiemme who stands looking in the
direction of Alice's departure)
Dr. Villiemme: Oh you will pay..
CUT TO: EXTERIOR , GILE'S APARTMENT
Alice stands below Giles's window, throwing stones
Alice: (Hissing) Giles! (throws gravel) Giles! (throws
small stone) Squirell! (yells) Giles! (throws bigger
stone which smashes window) Oh bugger!
Giles opens the window and leans out bleary eyed.
Giles: What, what, why, what are you. I do have a
doorbell you know
Alice: Sorry, panicked. Had a spot of bother .
Giles: Alice? Is that you ? What about the.
Alice: Same as always, you forgot the window. (looks
around) Um, Squirrell, I do seem to be in, rather a
lot of danger...
Giles: What? Oh, yes quite. Wait I'll come down.
Alice: Take your time.
CUT TO: INTERIOR , GILES'S APARTMENT
Alice sits at the table with a hot drink, Giles sits
on his bed looking stressed
Alice: Put the fear of God up me, I can tell you.
Giles: Yes, yes quite. I can see how-how that would
be, yes. (takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge
of his nose) Tell me Alice, how is it that you were
promoted quite so high? I mean, even with all the
sleeping around .
Alice: Hey! I did that sleeping around, because it was
fun. Not because I wanted to be promoted. Nepotism
took care of that.
Giles: Oh yes, uncle Christopher.
Alice: And aunt Lauren, cousins Joy and Martin and
great uncle Simplicity.
Giles: Ah yes, the Boston genetics. Some families have
red hair, the Boston's have the ocult.
Alice: At least I can set Johann's sealant, bantling.
Giles: (pinching his nose and shaking his head) Look
, we can't sit about here all night, we've got to get
to the library.
Alice: Why, bantling?
Giles: Well, in order to protect yourself fully from
such a threat, it is probably best not to have
provided an unsealable entry for any passing vampire.
(gestures towards broken window) And please stop
calling me "bantling," it's very annoying.
Alice: (grinning) To the library.
Giles: Yes, um, quite.
CUT TO: SUNNYDALE HIGH , LIBRARY, NEXT DAY.
The group is gathered in the library.
Giles: Dr. Jakob Villiemme. He was a member of the
staff at Sunnydale university, he and his wife were
the senior lecturers on historical fact in myth and
archeological reconstruction theory. They both took
early retirement early this year when his wife
contracted a wasting disease during an archeological
dig in South America. That was the last I could find
on either him or his wife.
Angel: I've heard of Dr. Villiemme. I've never met him
myself, but if anyone could organise what we saw last
night, it would be him. A lot of people owe him.
Alice: Oh, gosh!
Giles: (pinching the bridge of his nose) Yes, um,
indeed, "gosh". Angel, is there any other information
you could give us?
Angel: Well he's not a vampire - I mean Dr. Villiemme
is mortal, but there isn't a vampire in Sunnydale who
doesn't owe him for something. If a vampire needs to
interact with the mortal world in any way whatsoever,
it is probably him who made it possible. If a vampire
needs say, a lawyer for a courtcase, if a vampire
needs an identity for a court case, it is Dr.
Villiemme who provides .
Alice: Gosh again.
Willow: Why would a vampire be in court ?
Xander: Snacking without due care and attention?
Oz: Weak.
Xander: You try and come up with a vampire crime pun.
Giles: (looking momentarily at the group and shaking
his head) I think perhaps we are dealing with someone
of a truly formidable stature in this towns demon
community.
Wesley: Yes, I agree with Mr. Giles. I think, perhaps
the best thing to do would ...
Wesley is interrupted by the fact that a large,
ungainly brown/red creature smashes it's way through
the large glass doors, which connects the library to
the school grounds and lunges at the group, but mainly
Alice.
Monster: Graaaaarrrgh!!!
Buffy instantly leaps to their defence, punching and
kicking the monster into submission. She just
generally beats it about and then stakes it. It
freezes and then falls to the ground, shattering like
pottery.
By now however a group of kids and teachers, including
Snyder, are gathered around the smashed in door
staring at the shattered monster and the mud covered,
Buffy.
Alice: And that would be your average "surprise attack
monster" special effect. Now if I could have a
volunteer from the audience to demonstrate how to
throw without being harmed. (turns to Snyder with
feigned surprise) Ah, Mr Snyder, I presume? (Snakes
Snyder by the hand ) Francis Ansiny -Industrial light
and magic. I must say it was very good of you to let
Mr Giles organise a demonstration in your library.
It's this sort of thing which helps to make the kids
understand all the hard work that goes into the sort
of films they watch every weekend.
Snyder: (looking understandably dazed) Films?
Alice: (laughing) Gosh yes! You don't usually have
monsters smashing down your library doors do you?
Snyder: (still looking dazed ) No, no, that, would be
ridiculous, wouldn't it? Mr Giles, a word?
Snyder and Giles step outside.
Giles: (looking nervously back into the library) Yes?
Snyder: Mr Giles, I've put up with a lot from you.
I've given you work, I've given your `friend' Mr
Wyndam-Pryce work. What have you done to my library?
Giles: (looking momentarily baffled) What? Oh, yes the
doors, um Miss Ansiny's company is paying for that,
you did sign the papers.
Snyder: I did?
Giles nods.
Snyder: Well, carry on.
Snyder leaves. Everyone leaves apart from Wes, Alice,
Buffy and the scooby gang. Giles returns.
Buffy: Did he buy it?
Giles: (taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes as
he walks) I think Snyder thinks I'm gay. (stares at
Wesley in sort of puzzled disgust)
Buffy: Giles? Earth to Giles.
Giles: What? Oh, yes- yes. We have to pay for the
door. (stares distractedly again at Wesley in sort of
puzzled disgust)
Xander: (kneeling next to the remains of the monster)
So what's the deal with mud guy here?
Wesley: It, um, it's a golem.
Buffy: Guh?
Giles: Golem, a man made creature from the Judeo
Christian tradition. A person, equiped with the
correct knowledge, can construct a man shaped vessel
from clay or in this case terraccotta, sealing inside
it a piece of paper with a trigger word written on it.
Once the trigger word is said the creature is
instilled with life or-or in any case motor skills and
will do it's creators bidding.
Oz: And Miss Boston's new friend was at the controls?
Giles: Yes-yes, I think that is the most likely
explanation. Alice, what are you doing?
Looks at Alice who is sifting through the shattered
pieces of Golem.
Alice: What? Oh, um, the last, and I believe the most
widely read document to contain the instructions with
which to make a Golem gave the command word as the
creators address. I'm assuming that our good Dr.
doesn't realise that it doesn't have to be the.Aha!
(clasps the scrap of paper above her head) Got him...
CUT TO: DR. VILLIEMME'S APARTMENT
Dr. Villiemme paces, Dzecthel perches on a low sofa
toying nervously with a glass of a dark and probably
best left unnamed liquid.
Dr. Villiemme: Well, what have you found out? What is
she? An aging slayer? An over enthusiastic amatuer?
What (face looks angry. He grips something hard to
control his anger) is she?
Dzecthel: She's not a slayer. There's still only one
Slayer in Sunnydale, there were rumours but.. She's
not. The best thing we can make out is she's something
to do with the watcher. She was at the school with
him, when the Golem found her.
Dr. Villiemme: And Watchers mean slayers and slayers
mean slaying.yes, yes yes. I can grasp the
implications of that. Damn it, Dzecthel! Half the
vampires in Sunnydale owe me their lives.
Dr. Villiemme grasps a metal cup carved with
mysterious symbols - it is filled with a grey dust ,
he strokes the side, and thrusts it at Dzecthel.
Dzecthel winces. Wouldn't you if some one pushed a
body in your face?
Dr. Villiemme: What is it Dzecthel? Reality bite?
(returns to stroking vessel) You failed me Dzecthel,
you failed her. Now tell me, what are you going to do
about it?
CUT TO: THE LIBRARY
Angel sits alone at the table leafing through a book.
Alice walks in cleaning her glasses on her jacket.
Alice: (nodding a greeting) Angelus.
Angel: I prefer Angel. Angelus is dead.
Alice: (her face turning serious) Yes-yes, Giles told
me you're something of a Stregoni Benefici.
Angel: Something like that, yes.
Alice: (sitting oposite him at table) Well, Angel, as
of the moment the Watchers Council is unaware of your
existance and as Giles seems to trust you and I
personally would trust Squirell with my life, I see no
reason to alert them. (Alice weaves the crucifix which
she wears on a chain around her neck between her
fingers) However if you ever harm even one hair on
the head of Giles, the slayer or even those two ginger
kids and the odd boy, then I will make it my personal
business to ensure that the first task of the next
slayer is not only to hunt you down like a dog, but to
ensure that you can never be ressurrected. Do you
understand me?
Angel: (head bowed respectfully) Yes'm
Alice: (stony faced) You see, Angel dear, I may seem
to be an aging laddette, everybody's best friend but
I'm still a member of the Watchers Council and I have
seen your kind cause more pain and suffering than most
people would imagine possible. I'm prepared to
tolerate you. But I can't trust you, you'll have to
earn that. Is that clear?
Angel: (head bowed respectfully, nodding) Yes'm.
Alice: (standing up) Good. (Grinning widely) Now,
where's Squirrell got to with the curry? I'm starving.
CUT TO: THE STREETS OF SUNNYDALE
Buffy, Xander and Willow stand in the bushes outside
Dr. Villiemme's apartment.
Xander: (staring at Dr. Villiemme's apartment building
and eating a, well, an unidentifiable meat product on
a stick) Buff, why are we here?
Buffy: (with a sly smile)...
Xander: (interrupting her before she can speak) `K,
Buff. Cold, tired and only just regaining my appetite.
So, if we have any little jokes about perseverence
against a largely hostile universe or reproducing to
maintain the balance of species on the planet or stuff
like that, could we keep them to ourselves?
Buffy: Wow, you're really cranky. What crawled up your
butt and bred?
Xander: (narrowing his eyes `dirty harry' style and
staring into the distance) I have seen things that man
should not wot of.
Buffy and Willow look at each other over his head,
Willow shrugs.
Willow: We're here trying to find out what we can
about Dr. Villiemme's influence in Sunnydale. Who
visits him? Who he visits? You know, stalker stuff.
Buffy: That would be why me and Willow chose black
clothes.
Camera pans out on Xander's rather fine, Hawian shirt.
Xander: What? Did you give me an invite specifying
stalker clothes? Did you tell me to pay a quick visit
to terrorists `R' us before we came out? This is my
look baby, love it or leave it. (Willow passes a paper
bag over her shoulder) Ooh, Oreos! (tucks in happily)
Buffy: So, what do we have to report back on so far,
Will?
Willow: (consulting a notebook) 10:05 Oz walked past
and waved.
Buffy: And?
Willow: Um, (flicks through pages of notebook) that's
it. No one went in, no one came out. (Smiles
apologetically) Sorry.
Buffy: So you think he knows we're out here?
Willow: I think probably. From what Alice said though,
he wouldn't care.
Xander snorts at Alice's name.
Buffy: (turning back towards Xander) What? She's a
nice woman, Xander. Geez, at least she's not evil.
Xander frowns and mutters darkly - Willow passes
another paper bag over her shoulder.
Xander: Ooh, Reeces Pieces! (tucks in happily)
Buffy: So should we just split? I mean, if nothing's
happening here, surely we'd be better off just
patrolling?
Xander coughs lightly.
Willow: I suppose so, I-I mean if we don't see
something soon.
Xander's coughing becomes a little more like choking.
Buffy: OK, we'll stay for another twenty minutes or so
and if nothing happens we'll go.
Xander: (cough, choke) Buff? (cough, choke) Buff?
(cough, choke) Buffy?
Willow: Do you mind if I don't patrol with you? I have
a little homework left over.
Xander: (cough, choke) Buffy? (cough, choke) Buffy?
(cough, choke) Buffy?
Buffy: Ok, but we'll have to check back with Giles
before we, excuse me.
Buffy turns round and grabs Xander by the waist,
quickly performing the Heimlich manoeuvre and sending
a rainbow shower of Reeces pieces shooting from
Xander's throat.
Buffy: (looking down at Xander, who has understandably
dropped to the floor) What?
Xander: (out of breath) Buffy? (pointing behind Buffy)
Vampire!
CUT TO: ELSEWHERE ON THE STREETS OF SUNNYDALE. THE
ENGLISH QUARTER.
Dr. Villiemme strides purposely, clutching the vessel
containing Aprille's remains. He talks animatedly
whilst Dzecthel orbits him, struggling a little to
keep up.
Dr. Villiemme: I'll need at least twenty-six for a
double circle. Check around the bars and sewers for
those who've caught a dose or are drunk enough to be
maudlin and confused. Check out underneath chalky
bridge too, they're all too doped up to understand
what they're volunteering for. Just tell them Dr.
Villiemme wants them and they'll fall over themselves.
Dzecthel: (concerned, eyeing the vessel, ie Aprille's
remains, with visible distaste) Are you entirely sure
about this Dr. Villiemme. I-I, this is a-a rather
extreme measure.
Dr. Villiemme spins around, his eyes (I know this is a
cliché) flash with anger.
Dr. Villiemme: Do you want to be part of the circle,
Dzecthel? She must pay, and she must be seen to pay.
Dzecthel shakes his head rapidly, bowing slightly. Dr.
Villiemme's lip quivers and he holds the vessel to his
chest.
Dr. Villiemme: One day, one day I had her. (he puts
his hand to his mouth and looks suddenly very small
and close to tears) I couldn't save her Dzecthel. I
couldn't do it. All that preparation, and I couldn't
do it. I couldn't protect her.
Dzecthel looks a little stunned as Dr. Villiemme
stands before him pale and nearly weeping.
Dr. Villiemme: (pulling himself together and standing
upright and fiery with anger once more) Tell Sunnydale
that Dr. Villiemme needs twenty-six demons to
sacrifice themselves for him before dawn or I withdraw
my services forever, is that clear.
Dzecthel nods his agreement.
Dr. Villiemme: (roars) IS THAT CLEAR!
Dzecthel scuttles off into the darkness.
CUT TO: THE LIBRARY
Giles sits at the desk thumbing through a book. He
runs his fingers through his hair (which is looking
more like Tony Blair's by the day incidentally) in a
stressed out way. Alice enters the main library area;
she is looking through her handbag as she walks.
Alice: That's it Squirrel, I've got to go home. I am
absolutely fagless. Not a cigarette on me.
Giles: I'm not surprized. You've not stopped since
teatime.
Alice: (pursing her lips) Yes, well, thank you mother,
but I'll have to pop home and get some. Chuck over my
ogles, will you?
Giles throws Alice's glasses to her.
Giles: I'm really not sure about this, Alice. Are you
sure you'll be all right?
Alice: Squirrel. How many years have I been a watcher?
Giles: Twenty-five.
Alice: Three. Giles, we've been watchers for
twenty-three years.
Giles: Fine, twenty-three?
Alice: And am I dead yet?
Giles: Not to my knowledge, no.
Alice: (putting her hands on her hips) Then let me go
and fetch my cigarettes.
Giles: (looking a little flustered) Oh, fine. Go.
Are you sure you'll be all right?
Alice: (smiling) No, but I'll be a damn sight more all
right than I would be, stuck here with no fags.
Alice walks out and Giles shakes his head and
chuckles.
CUT TO: THE STREETS OF SUNNYDALE, OUTSIDE DR.
VILLIEMME'S APARTMENT
Buffy and the vampire are engaged in a fierce
struggle. Buffy's generally kicking him about the
place, eventually she pins him against the wall and
with a combination of her knee in his groin and Xander
and Willow holding a stake each at his chest, they
begin to extract information.
Buffy: What is he planning? Come on, (She smiles
unpleasantly) 'fess up.
Xander: (over enthusiastically) Yeah, Spill!
Buffy: You want to give him a chance to talk, Xander?
Xander: Well, not really. I mean I'd rather just
stake him to be honest, but.. (falls silent as Buffy
and Willow glare at him)
The vampire starts to squirm and whimper.
Buffy: What's Dr. Villiemme planning? How does he plan
to get his revenge?
Vampire: (eyes wide with fear) I-I don't know. (Xander
starts to place pressure on his stake, Buffy's
crucifix throws a cross shaped shadow on the vampire's
face causing him to panic and try to burrow backwards
into the wall) Oh, don't kill me! Don't kill me! I'll
tell you! (he starts to sob) I'll do anything just
don't... (his voice dissolves into sobs)
Xander releases his grip slightly and begins to look
uncomfortable.
Xander: Geez.
Vampire: He's going to use the griechische Feuer des
Teufels. He's rounding up vampires for it now.
Buffy: I have no idea what that is. But it sounds
really bad.
(Buffy releases her grip on the vampire and turns to
Xander and Willow)
Buffy: Will, you got that written down?
Willow: griechische Feuer des Teufels, yup.
Buffy: We'd better get back to Giles to check it up
then. (she turns to face in the direction of the
vampire that had made a break for it when she released
her grip) Hey creep!
The vampire turns only to receive a hastily thrown
stake in the heart for his trouble. He collapses in a
pile of dust.
CUT TO: THE LIBRARY
Xander, Willow, Oz, Angel and Buffy stand in the
library. Giles stands holding a dust covered cracked
book.
Giles: griechische Feuer des Teufels, Greek fire of
the devil. A spell that originated in 2nd century
Europe. Named for the substance Greek fire, possibly
phosphorous, which ignited everything it touched in an
all-consuming rain of fire. I don't think I need go
into what it does?
Everyone murmurs agreement.
Willow: Um, Giles. The guy we got the information from
mentioned vampires. Where would they come in, exactly?
Giles: You see, that's the thing. The spell requires a
double circle of thirteen vampires apiece. It is from
these vampires that comes the Diabolical fire. They
act as, psychic kindling as it were, losing their
lives in the process. So you can see, Dr. Villiemme
must be pretty powerful. (suddenly screws up his face
in a frown and throws the book to the floor with a
thump, causing everyone to jump) WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS
DO THIS! She's always been like this. It was like
this when we lived together and she's still doing it!
(looks up at the group who look, well suprized is an
understatement) Sorry, sorry. I'm a little tired.
This last week has been rather a strain.
Xander: Whoa, whoa. Back up there, mister. Lived
together?
Giles: (rubbing his eyes and holding his glasses in
his hands) Don't get excited, Xander. We shared a
house at university. There was nothing, um, romantic.
I had to leave after a term or so anyway, I couldn't
cope.
Xander: Oh, what? Did she summon up demons to perform
her bidding (does `spooky' hand movements) and
threaten to draw you into a web of terror?
Giles: (looking at Xander as if he had just said,
`wibble wibble cabbage verruca knob') No, (shakes
head) no, she never did her turn in the kitchen and
she used to go out all night and leave female things
lying about the bathroom. What is it with you and
demons anyway, Xander? (realises he is standing in a
room full of books about demons, with a demon slayer
and a demon - albeit a good one - trying to work out
how to stop a spell involving twenty six exploding
demons) Oh, yes, quite. Sorry.
Buffy: So what? We should make sure Alice doesn't go
home yeah?
Giles turns pale.
CUT TO: ALICE'S APARTMENT BUILDING
Alice unlocks her door and walks up the stairs in
darkness.
We hear the occasional curse, as she bumps into things
in the dark. The light comes on and she is bent over
rubbing her shin. She straightens up and looks around
briefly for her cigarettes, she finds them and lights
up. After taking a few drags she rearranges her
jacket and handbag and moves to close her curtains.
She looks out of the window to the streets below her.
From the darkness melt the figures of twenty-six
vampires entwined in a double circle - more correctly
oval. They are running so that a vampire is touching
the building with its back and facing them at the
other end of the oval (although outside the oval and
not touching any of the vampires) is Dr. Villiemme.
Alice drops her cigarette and stands open mouthed.
Alice: Oh fuck.
CUT TO: STREETS OF SUNNYDALE
Buffy, Willow, Xander, Oz, Angel, Wesley and Giles run
through the streets of Sunnydale.
Buffy: So we have a plan?
Giles: (out of breath) A plan. Yes, that would be a
nice idea wouldn't it?
CUT TO: ALICE'S APARTMENT
Alice sits on the floor with her back to the window.
She is smoking furiously. She stubs out her cigarette
and cautiously pokes her head up to window-level and
peers out.
The view below her is extraordinary, the vampires are
all - well they're vampires so they're never exactly
normal - but they look odd. They're all either too
thin, or scabby or spaced out or all three. But they
stand as upright as they can, waiting, whilst Dr.
Villiemme begins to chant.
Alice stands transfixed. Suddenly the telephone
rings, causing her to drop to the floor spread-eagled
before she realises what it is. She chuckles and rolls
to the phone and picks it up.
Alice: Hello?
SPLIT SCREEN: ALICE AND GILES, WHO IS OUTSIDE BEHIND
THE BUILDING USING A MOBILE
Giles: Thank God, you're still alive.
Alice: Well, that's a sentence to inspire confidence.
What are they up to?
Giles: griechische Feuer des Teufels
Alice: Oh bugger!
Giles: My thoughts, um, approximately. Um, Alice, is
there a room with a window at the back of the building
that you can get to?
Alice: There's a cupboard.
Giles: Right, make your way there please.
Camera follows Alice, making her way to the cupboard.
Alice: So, Squizz. You worked out a plan?
Giles: (Frowning tiredly) Of sorts, yes.
Giles and Alice's voice continues, but the camera
shows what they are talking about.
Giles: Although, I can think of no way of stopping
griechische Feuer des Teufels. If we can get you out
of the house, we should be able to get you to safety.
Provided, of course, we can get you past twenty-six
vampires and an occult expert who wants you dead.
Alice: Ah.
Giles: Quite. However, although this is risky, it.
Alice: It's a damn sight less risky than taking your
chances with Teufels Feur, Greek or otherwise.
Giles: Yes. Alice in twenty minutes Villiemme will
have reached the point of no return. Buffy is on the
roof of the building across the road with a crossbow.
If she can hit one of the vampires through the heart
at the exact right moment it should set off a chain
reaction. Starting the process early and causing a
distraction. If you can be out of that window and away
in the three minutes that Wesley, Willow and myself
can maintain a field of protection. Then we should be
safe.
Alice: After the amount of windows I've climbed out
of? Piece of piss!
Giles winces at Alice's vulgar way of saying easy as
pie.
Alice: Giles?
Giles: Yes?
Alice: Is the odd boy down there?
Giles: (without hesitation) Xander? No, no, he and Oz
went to get the van.
Alice: Well, if something happens, tell him I'm sorry
he, well that I used his cupboard.
Giles: (smiling) You'll be able to tell him yourself,
Alice.
Alice: Dear God, no! If I make it out alive let `im
stew. We'll get him to think he imagined it. See you
in ten, eh Giles?
Giles: See you in ten, Alice.
Giles clicks off the phone and turns to Wesley and
Willow. They link hands and begin to chant.
CUT TO: THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING
Dr. Villiemme stands with the vampires, his chanting
has become almost nonsensical. The words running
together, meaningless through repetition.
Dr. Villiemme: De los darknes eternos sale la luz, los
alcances fríos de la muerte viene el calor de su
infierno, de los diablos ellos mismos saldrá el fuego
que consume, la oscuridad sale luz, el frío viene
calor. Dai darknes eternal esce da la luce, le
estensioni fredde della morte viene il calore del loro
hell, dai diavoli essi stessi uscirà da il fuoco
consumante, la nerezza esce da luce, il freddo viene
calore Aus den eternal darknes heraus kommt Licht, aus
den kalten Reichweiten des Todes heraus kommt die
Hitze ihrer Hölle, von den Teufeln selbst kommt das
verbrauchende Feuer, aus der Schwärzung heraus kommt
Licht, aus der Kälte heraus kommt Hitze.
As his chanting begins to become more urgent, the
vampires start to issue an eerie tonal hum - the
camera pans back onto the roof of the building with
Buffy and Angel. Angel holds a stopwatch. Buffy is
staring open mouthed at the vista below her. The
vampires having now not only started to hum, but glow
too.
Buffy: This is way more way than, (shakes her heard
silently) way more.
Angel: (looking at his stopwatch) Buff, aim.
Buffy takes careful aim with the crossbow.
Angel: (Still looking at the stopwatch) Have you got
one?
Buffy: (finger on trigger, tongue poking out wih
concentration) Uh huh. (nods)
Angel: Ok, 1, 2, FIRE!
Buffy fires the crossbow. It hits a vampire directly
in the heart. However rather than simply collapse into
a pile of dust as usual, he stands bolt upright and
explodes into a pillar of fire, as does the vampire
next to him, and the one next to him.
Buffy: (breathless) Way more.
Buffy and angel start to run.
CUT TO: BEHIND THE BUILDING
Giles, Wesley and Willow stand hand in hand chanting.
The air ripples. Xander and Oz pull up in the van and
press the horn.
A small, plump, tweed figure half climbs, half falls
out of the window. Alice runs like the clappers
towards the van. When she gets near to the van,
Wesley, Willow and Giles break the circle and make
their own dash towards the vehicle. Just as everyone
jumps in the van, the building is consumed by fire.
They tear around the corner stopping only to pick up
Buffy and Angel.
CUT TO: INTERIOR, THE VAN
Giles and Xander sit up front in the driving and
passenger seat, everyone else sits/crouches in the
back. Willow has her head on Oz's shoulder. Everyone
else just sits in a random pattern.
Wesley: Good work, Buffy. I'm glad to see that your
proficiency with a crossbow is coming along in leaps
and strides.
Alice: (her comments seemingly not addressed to
anyone) My flat just exploded. My duty free was in
there. Four hundred Rothmans and a couple of dozen
packs of Woodbines. (looks up at group) I bet you
can't get those over here.
Willow: Well, we're all safe, and, and that's the main
thing. Right?
Everyone murmurs agreement.
Oz: Drac and disorderly.
Everyone looks at him in puzzlement and shifts away
slightly.
Buffy: Oz? You ok?
Oz: (looking up as if suprized at their interest in
his health) Drac and disorderly, it's a vampire crime
pun.
Xander: (From front of van) Weak.
END CREDITS.
END CREDITS SLIDE DOWN TO BOTTOM EIGHTH OF SCREEN -
MUSIC FADES DOWN
Xander, Wesley, Oz, Angel, Giles, Buffy and Willow are
watching a TV in the library. The TV faces away from
us. They have popcorn.
Wesley: (eyes glued to TV) Who's that?
Xander: (Slurping soda) Lavender Feldman, the clever
one.
Oz: You can tell because she's not blonde.
Wesley: (hypnotised by TV) Oh.
Popcorn is passed round in silence.
Alice enters and catches glimpse of TV.
Alice: Gosh, he's sex on a stick.
Buffy: (eating popcorn, not taking eyes off screen)
He`s Gabriel, Stacey Mae's boyfriend.
Willow: He has his own show now. (sighs wistfully)
He's troubled.
Alice: (Sitting down to watch and taking a handful of
popcorn) Well, have him washed and sent to my tent
dear.
Willow giggles.
Giles: Oh, it's finishing.
Willow: Oh wait! I like this part.
SCREEN FILLS WITH CREDITS AGAIN - MUTANT ENEMY LOGO
COMES UP.
Willow: (unseen, but simultaneous with Mutant Enemy
monster) Grrr argh. (giggles) I make my own fun.
* * *