__If You're Not the One__
By AngelWakes
Rupert Giles fought his way to conciousness as he rose from the ruin of his living room. Spotting the empty bottles disappearing under the sofa he remembered the reason for his spectacular drinking session the night before: his slayer's birthday. He sighed as he started
putting his small flat to rights again.
"She probably didn't even notice my absence," he sighed again and contemplated the time difference between Bath and Sunnydale. She was probably asleep and he couldn't wake her just to hear her voice despite how desperately he needed to.
'Oh well, forget it old man, you tied one on, nothing will happen because you decided to forget for one night.' With that comforting thought Giles began the business of his day and ignored the little watchery voice that was whispering to him, 'what else did you do last
night?'
Some weeks later he found out.
"And tonights letter is one of the best we have ever had. It reduced most of the guys here to tears and so after this we will hear about Rupert and his love." The radio burst into a jingle for an awful instant coffee as Giles' head shot up and he spilt his tea all over the papers he was reading.
"Oh dear Lord!" He exclaimed as a faint memory pushed at the edge of his concentration. Buffy's birthday. He had been changing radio stations trying to find something to fit in with his mood when he stumbled upon a late night love songs show and they were reading out
a very sad love letter.
"And you thought your story was more tragic so you decided to write to them you, you...pillock!" He strode over to the radio and turned it up.
"I must have had a slight command of my facilities to be able to write, I just hope I didn't let any Hellmouth secrets slip!" He pulled off his glasses and started polishing them as his brain tried to process his lost evening but it was no use.
The harried watcher glanced at the latest letters on the table by the door. He must have left his letter in a previous pile and posted them all without checking the envelopes first.
The host's voice came back on and with a groan Giles replaced his glasses and settled down to listen to his heartfelt outpourings.
'At least no one in Sunnydale will ever know about this,' thankfully crossed his mind before the torture began.
"Okay folks get the tissues ready this will really tug at your heartstrings," the voice paused and then started to read;
"I travelled to the United States of America to meet my destiny in the shape of a typical American teenager. I was older than her but I didn't realise I was in love with her until she was well past the age of consent and so much a part of my life that without her I felt like a part of my soul was missing. We were mentor and student first, then friends and then as time passed I found that my first thought upon waking was of her and my last dream at night was her face. I was hesitant to tell her because she had never indicated she felt more than friendship for me and to loose even that contact would be too painful. Then my world fell apart. She left me, her friends and her family suddenly one day and my heart shattered as though it had been struck by lightening. We all tried to carry on but I gave up and let myself mourn the loss of my heart. Several weeks later there was a telephone call, she was back. It seemed like a miracle, it *was* a miracle and when I saw her again I held her so tightly to me and I vowed I would never loose her again. As time went by I hoped we would return to our previously close friendship and there were a few hopeful signs but it was not to be. Her time away had changed her, she looked upon me as a crutch, a problem solver, a rakish sort of uncle and that was not how I felt. I knew she could be the strong, beautiful, wonderful person I had known but she would never believe this until she had stood alone and fought her battles and triumphed over her demons without my assistance. So I left, I left America, our friends and my love. I know she will become the best she can at whatever she does. I left her, but I left my heart behind and I don't know if I will ever see it again."
The presenter paused and then said "I know I speak for all of you when I wish Rupert every success in regaining his heart, maybe even hand delivered, and now one of the most popular songs at the moment which seems to fit with this letter so well, here's Daniel Bedingfield with If You're Not The One."
"Oh God at least I didn't use her name." Giles sank into the sofa cushions and let the lyrics wash over him echoing his thoughts and dreams.
#If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine then would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't wan't to run away but I can't take it . I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tellme that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wan't to run away but I can't take it. I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you. Whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
I don't wan't to run away but I can't take it. I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?#
"Buffy..." sighed Giles as he softly wept himself to sleep.
On the other side of the Atlantic a shell-shocked slayer was sat at the computer updating her finances and listening to her favorite radio station online. It was an English love song station which had just read the most amazing letter from Rupert.
"And I know which Rupert. The question is what do I do now?" Buffy sat musing. 'Does Giles love me? That letter was beautiful and so genuine and yet he stil protected me, not naming his love. So much like Giles. He does love me, he said so.'
'Do I love him? I've felt like something was missing for a while now, ever since Giles left. He said I'm the other part of his soul, he is part of me, and I'm the one with his missing heart, I need to return it to complete us both.'
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled to her sister, "I have to go somewhere." She explained to a smiling teenager.
"I know I heard it too, major wow!"
"Yep. Wow is right. Do you think it's expensive to fly to England?"
"Talk to Willow, maybe she can like... you know poof you there."
Buffy stood shaking slightly as she knocked gently on Giles' door. As he opened it and stared at his slayer standing on his threshold Buffy held out her arms, stepped forward and hugged him to her and whispered,
"Stay."
"Forever." He replied as his arms enfolded her in a loving embrace.
* * *