Kitten Caboodle
written by Joanna C


Rating: FRC
Spoilers: Through Season 7.
Summary: Just a short little cheer-up fic for someone who needed some cheering up.
Feedback Author: Joanna
Author's Website: Joanna's Fanfiction
Author's LJ: Ficbot


She kept her feet light as she approached, sitting gingerly down on the grass beside him.

"Hey," she said brightly.

He cracked a tiny smile. "So. They sent YOU, did they?"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on. Like you could really count on the rest of them to say inappropriately humorous things to distract you and dispel your murderous wrath?"

His smirk widened. "Guess not. And my wrath is not...murderous per se..."

"Really? And from what part of 'for the last time, if you don't keep your mangy, flea-ridden beast OUT of my papers, I'll pluck its dirty little claws from its precious kitty feet one by one' were you drawing THAT conclusion?"

He had the decency to look chagrined. "I'm sorry if I gave Molly a fright. But we're having enough trouble finding proper accommodation for the potential slayers, Anya. The last thing we need to be worrying about is putting up a beast like that...that THING too!"

"Snickletoes IS a very deceptive creature," agreed Anya. "He wasn't nearly so large when he got here, then over time..."

"Time," said Giles archly. "Is what turns kittens...into cats..."

"Well, time, and vast amounts of simulated food products containing prodigious amounts of sugar and brightly coloured chemicals," qualified Anya. "THAT never ends well. First you get the chocolate, which is all well and good. Then you get the marshmallows. And next thing you know..." She buried her head in her hands. "I can't even say it. It's too awful."

Giles looked briefly confused, then abruptly realized. "Bunnies, of course. It IS that time of year..."

"I know!" whined Anya, near-sobbing. "It's the most awful, awful time of year ever! Don't you think?"

He doubled over with a manic laugh.

"What?" sniffled Anya. "What???"

He took a deep breath, composing himself. "Just...here we are, on the hellmouth, a dozen magic-stalked girls under our care and the hellmouth percolating beneath us, the watcher's council destroyed and the sun blotted out in Los Angeles... and it's all water under the bridge as far as you're concerned until the chocolate BUNNIES come along?"

"Bunnies frighten me," she pouted. "And this IS the Hellmouth, Giles. The chocolate bunnies could spontaneously transmogrify into real ones."

"Or they could be brutally beheaded by that loathsome Snickletoes, who will track their marshmallow entrails all over somebody's Works of Dramius..."

Anya sighed. "I thought I got you off that," she said. "That's what I was supposed to do, you know---say inappropriate yet amusing things to distract you, and dispel your..."

"Yes, yes," he said. "Mission accomplished, very good, thank you..."

"But I'm not finished," she pouted. "I have lots more inappropriate things to say. There's sex, for example, and..."

"Really," he told her. "It's quite all right."

"I think I need some cheering up too," she said thoughtfully. "What with the bunny reminders and all..." She turned to Giles brightly. "Say something inappropriate!"

"Anya!"

"Come on, say it! Do you want to kiss me again like you did the one time there was that spell? Do you want to ravish me under a table like Xander did on numerous occasions? Do you want to ravish me on TOP of a table, like, Spike did when there was..."

"Really," he interjected hastily. "I rather do just want to be alone right now..."

"Right," she scoffed. "To brood about the widdle sticky paw prints all over your musty books? As if I would really leave you alone when you're in THAT kind of state!"

He smiled. "You really are a good friend, in your own way, aren't you?" he realized.

"I have my special role. Which, by the way, could include having sex with you if you were so..."

"I'm not. I'm really not."

She crumpled a little in disappointment. "Oh."

"But I surely couldn't leave YOU alone either," he said. "What with the potentially transmogrifiable bunnies running about willy-nilly..."

She straightened contentedly. "Right."

"To say nothing of the hellmouth, the apocalypse, the fiery hellhounds of Arashmahar and the harbingers of..."

She put a finger to his lips. "Shhh. Let's not talk about any of that."

He nodded. "So we just sit here, then."

"Well, that's not all we could do. We could have sex, as I explained already. Or we could say humorous yet inappropriate things..."

"Or we could just SIT here," he said, more firmly this time.

She thought for a moment. "Yes," she finally decided. "We could do that too. We could sit here."

"Well, shall we?"

She nodded soberly. "Yes. I think we should."

END