Disco Drunk
written by Gileswench


Rating: FRT
Spoilers: Through Crush. Nothing after that has happened.
Summary: After Buffy rejects Spike's love, he seeks comfort, good booze, and Scandinavian disco in the only place in Sunnydale he knows he'll find them.
Author's Notes: This is in answer to Lindsay's challenge #117 on You Got The Stones?, which reads as follows: "Okay, Spike may have *been* a hard man, but I really think that chip has gone to his head (ha ha aren't I funny?) I think it's changed him in unusual and disturbing ways i.e sudden love for Buffy. Therefore I want a Spike fic, where we see him indulging in his passion for Abba. That's right, Abba, those Scandinavian Gods (I actually like them) and in particular ALL of the following songs 'Does Your Mother Know', 'SOS', 'The Winner Takes It All' (good one to add alcohol to, drunken sobbings etc.) and 'Waterloo' (cause he's a Brit). He can be alone, or with ONE other character, but there must be singing and/or dancing + alcohol and lots of it, romance or no romance, its up to you. Good luck!"
Dedication: To Lindsay who put such appalling images into my poor little brainpan that I couldn't resist the challenge. You one twisted puppy, kid!
Feedback Author: Gileswench
Author's Website: Wench's Tavern


Spike left the Summers house in a daze.

"She bloody uninvited me! After I saved her from Dru and everything! All right, to be fair, I did chain her up and say I was gonna let Dru eat her, but I didn't mean it. She should have known that."

Even to his ears, his excuse sounded hollow.

Still, he felt sorry for himself. He wanted to drink himself stupid. No money, though, so the usual watering holes were out. He had a bottle of bourbon back at the crypt, but he really didn't want to go back there just yet. Harmony might return with her crossbow and a better aim. Or Dru might forget she'd ever left him and come back. And there was no telling if Buffy might show up with a nice, big stake for him. No, home was not safe.

"Now who in this sodding place do I know who has good taste in liquor?"

A slow grin spread over his face. He turned his steps toward Oakpark street, and Giles' flat.

* * * * *

"Laphroig, eh? Rupert, old son, you have even better taste than I knew! Might've known you'd have a couple good bottles stashed away. Well, you don't anymore! Here's to me!"

The vampire took a long swig from the bottle. His eyes fell on the stereo across the room. Spike glanced to the right, and then the left. He knew he was alone, but to get caught doing what he planned to do could destroy his reputation for all time. Then again, he'd drunk just enough liquor at that point not to care. He knew what he wanted. He knew Giles had it. He took it.

A minute later the strains of Swedish disco filled the air.

Ah, ABBA, those Scandinavian songsters! Of course Giles had all their albums. After all, this was the man who had argued vehemently, during commercial breaks while watching Passions, that The Bay City Rollers were good. Spike would never have admitted it for worlds, but his first musical love was disco. And nobody did disco like ABBA.

Can you hear the drums, Fernan-riiippppppp


Song reminded him of bloody Captain Cardboard. Sodding ponce the Slayer kept crying her eyes out for. He didn't care if he'd scratched the record. He was evil, and Giles was rolling in cash since he'd been reinstated as Watcher with two bloody years worth of back salary coming his way.

Gotta find a better song than bloody Fernando.

My my at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself

Waterloo - I was defeated you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you forevermore
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo


Yeah, that was the stuff. Disco forever! And he'd never realized before how deep and meaningful the lyrics were. It might be his own story they were singing about. He'd terrorized Europe and the Americas until he fell in with the Slayer and her damned Scoobygang!

Too drunk to care anymore if anyone caught him, Spike took yet another swig of single malt and joined in the song.

My my I tried to hold back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only hope is to give up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you forevermore
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo


* * * * *

Outside his flat, Giles could hear singing. ABBA. Who the hell would be in his flat singing along to ABBA? Whatever was going on, he decided it had to stop before the neighbors called the police. It would never do to have them find him in his current half-inebriated state.

He fumbled for his keys for some moments before realizing the door to his flat was not only unlocked, but actually open.

At any other time, the sight before him would have made him furious, but Giles had had just enough to drink that the most appalling sights struck him as giggle-worthy.

There was Spike, the big bad himself, dancing about the flat, waving a bottle of whiskey and singing disco.

So how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you forevermore
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo


As the song finished, he took a huge swig of whiskey, and promptly sprayed it across the room at the sound of Giles clapping and laughing behind him.

"Bloody hell! Ought to know better than to sneak up on a bloke like that, Watcher!"

"And you ought to know better than to break into my flat, steal my liquor and play my records when you don't know what time I'll be back."

"All right, so I did a bad thing. I'm evil."

"And drunk. On my single malt. Hand it over, Spike."

"You're drunk, too. What've you got to drink about? Slayer ignoring you again?"

Giles grabbed the bottle from Spike's unsteady hand and swallowed half of what little was left in one go.

"So she's broken your heart too, eh? Sodding uninvited me, she did. All because I told her I loved her."

The two flopped down side by side on the sofa.

"I can't ever tell her. She'd think it was digusl... disgusl... awful."

"What does she want in a bloke anyway? First there's the Great Poofini -" Giles snorted in derision "- Then bloody Commando boy. Who's next? Sodding Leonardo DiCaprio? I was gonna stake Dru tonight for her - I really was. Didn't bloody mean a thing to her."

"I could have gone back home to England two years ago, if I could only have left her. I gave up my home, my career at the Britishshsh Museum, all hope of a normal life, and she barely knows I'm alive unless she needs something from one of my books."

The two men sniffed in unison and self pity.

Suddenly, Giles stood and wobbled.

"We need two things, Spike, my boy: more music and more whiskey."

He staggered with great determination to the cupboard where he hid his best liquor and pulled down another bottle of single malt. Then he made his unsteady way back to the stereo and found the song he was looking for.

"This one always makes me think of her."

He took a swig from the new bottle as Spike killed the old one.

You're so hot, teasing me
So you're blue, but I can't take a chance on a chick like you
That's something I couldn't do
There's that look in your eyes
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild
Ah, but girl you're only a child

Well I can dance with you, honey
If you think it's funny
Does your mother know that you're out?
And I can chat with you, baby
Flirt a little maybe
Does your mother know that you're out?


As they joined in the song, both had to laugh at the memory of Joyce's cluelessness as to her daughter's destiny. In no time, they had joined hands and were doing John Travolta proud with their moves. Giles led since he was the taller,and both giggled drunkenly as he dipped the vampire.

The night wore on and so did Giles' record collection. Not to mention the supply in his liquor cabinet. They danced, they sang, they drank yet more, and they commiserated as only the truly potted can.

So when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me S.O.S
The love you gave me nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, though I try how can I carry on

You seem so far away though you are standing near
You made me feel alive but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out
I wish I understood
What happened to our love it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me S.O.S
The love you gave me nothing else can save me S.O.S.
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, though I try how can I carry on


Finally the pair stood with their arms around each other's shoulders - as much in an effort to continue standing as to express camaraderie -sobbing along drunkenly to the tune both had decided was their theme song:

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all.


As their voices reached a crescendo, their knees gave out simultaneously.

* * * * *

Giles was the first to regain consciousness. His tongue had been carpeted in cement and the Anvil Chorus from Verdi's Il Trovetore was being played with far too much enthusiasm and far too little orchestra in his head.

A quick survey of the room proved that he was not alone. Spike lay passed out a foot away from him, and the needle on the phonograph continued to etch the groove deeper as it had been doing since the previous night.

With a wince at the sensation of having his head pulled inside out, he staggered slowly to the telephone and called Anya to say he wouldn't be in the shop that day, due to illness. Then he kicked the sleeping vampire.

"Spike. Spike! Wake up you bloody poofter!"

"Piss off you pansy! I'd want to die if I hadn't already done it."

Giles moved to the cupboard again.

"What're you doing, Watcher?"

"Only cure for a hangover, hair of the dog."

He turned with a grin and a fresh bottle.

"Does the cure include more ABBA?"

"If you like."

The vampire grinned widely.

"I've got just the song."

They each took a long pull from the bottle, and Spike went to pick another song.

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen


"Care to dance?" Giles held out a bottle to the vampire, who took both it and the Watcher's free hand.

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a King
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...


"Y'know, Giles, maybe I don't need a woman after all."

"Too right, Spike. This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

Two voices joined in harmony as the chorus played again.

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen


END