Flashback
written by Fabrisse


Rating: FRAO
Spoilers: Up to and through 'Buffy Vs Dracula'.
Summary: Giles has an acid flashback. He and Riley have an interesting discussion.
Dedication: With thanks to Gileswench.
Feedback Author: Fabrisse



It was a matter of minutes for Riley to convince Buffy to go home and see her mother. Dracula had (no pun intended) taken a lot out of her, and she only had another week before moving back into the dorm. He'd talk to Giles for a few minutes and come over the next day to hang.

When he turned around Giles was leaning heavily against his desk, his skin sallow. "You must have lost more blood in the chickpit than I realized. C'mon, I'll help you to the couch. Do you want a drink or something?"

Giles let himself be eased down to the sofa. "If you could make a pot of tea for me, I'd be grateful. You're welcome to have anything you like. The good scotch is in the cupboard."

"You're sweating. Um, what kind of tea?"

"Anything but Earl Grey."

Riley found some English Breakfast tea bags and made a pot of tea. He poured two scotches and sat at the other end of the couch. "When you asked me to stay without Buffy, I wasn't sure what was going on. I'm still not. Side effect of the vamp-girls or Dracula?"

Giles swallowed some scotch and followed it with tea. His color was beginning to return. "How much has Buffy told you about my past?"

"Enough to realize you probably haven't told her the half of it."

Giles mouth quirked. In the past couple of months he'd found that Riley was both observant and intelligent. Two things that Buffy didn't seem to acknowledge. "Let's just say that I'm fairly certain that pterodactyls don't usually fly over Sunnydale. Though with the Hellmouth and all, perhaps I just haven't noticed."

Riley sipped his scotch and thought for a moment. "LSD. - - All right, you were Joe Rebel in your teens, but you had to have been smarter than that."

"Thank you. I was. The 'friend' who spiked my drink died before I could get my hands on him."

"Aaah. Lucky him. Is it just random that you're having a flashback tonight or did the Dracu-babes have something to do with it?"

"I have no idea. It's my first flashback." Giles winced. "I assume that my window is neither purple nor melting?"

"Have some more tea. I think I know, but why me?"

Giles drank off the cup, and Riley poured him some more. "Because you're an adult. And, while I don't completely understand the American system of higher education, I thought that someone who studied enough psychology to teach it might be able to - - well - - sit here and keep an eye on me 'til it passes without being judgmental."

Riley raised his glass in a silent toast. "I gave up being shocked right after I saw a Yevsha demon hatching its brood."

Giles smiled. "I'll bet. I will say that it wouldn't surprise me if the ladies I was with this evening were a precipitating factor. Vampire bites release certain endorphins. Some sort of drug in the fangs. It's why so few of their victims struggle once they've been caught. It's a hell of a high."

Riley did a discreet double take. "That sounded like personal experience."

Giles met his eyes. "That sounded like shock."

"Surprise. Though if you were conjuring demons for a high... Vampires kill?"

"Not all of them do. Lord. You're going to be here awhile to look after me tonight. Ask anything you like. Just don't tell Buffy or the others. They had a hard enough time handling the fact that I had any kind of a past much less a degenerate one."

"Fair enough. So how did you find out about vampire bites causing a high? And how did you have a basis for comparison."

Giles looked at Riley for a minute. Riley returned his gaze, and Giles just nodded as if some question had been answered. "London in the early 70s had more drugs than the golden triangle. Cocaine just made me jittery; hash mellowed me, which was the last thing I wanted. But heroin. That was pure pleasure. Oddly enough, a vampire biting me kept me from becoming addicted to smack. I chased the better high. And finally ended up calling Eyghon through orgies to get it."

"But how were you bitten and lived?"

"Whole story? It was the LSD that did it. When I ran away from boarding school, I became what you Americans would call a street kid. Lived in a squat with cold running water and five other people near King's Cross. Stole food to eat. The whole litany. But oddly enough it was a good life for me. I didn't have to be dependent on anyone or anything but myself. Finally realized that being clever wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Spent so much time in libraries to keep warm that when I went back to my family a couple of years later I took my A-levels and passed all four with highest marks. And I found a way to make a living that was more honest than theft."

"You didn't deal drugs?"

"Never. I was a whore."

Riley choked on his drink. "All right. I'm from Iowa. That had honestly never occurred to me."

Giles raised one eyebrow. "Shall I stop?"

"No. I thought I was unflappable; I got flapped. But I can see how selling your body for money would be more honest than theft."

"King's Cross has always been a place to find prostitutes. I lived in the neighborhood. I used to talk to the girls when they had a cigarette break or were coming home after a long night. Nothing more than a little backchat as I passed them when they were working, of course.

One night I came home quite late after a party and realized that I was being curb-crawled. The punter rolled down his window and offered five quid to suck me off. I kept walking. He kept crawling and upped the offer. When he got to twenty quid, I said yes. And the next night the six of us had a big meal at an Italian local. First time I'd eaten well in six months, and it had been longer for some of the others."

Riley looked at Giles thoughtfully. "I can see it. And I can see you. How old were you? Sixteen? And taking responsibility for and sharing with the others. Totally Giles. What's the phrase? 'The boy is the precursor to the man.'"

"Many wouldn't see it that way. Or wouldn't mean it as a compliment if they did. I'd noticed an Anagogic demon hanging out with the pimps. His girl was a gorgeous redhead."

"Anagogic demon?"

"They're green with red eyes and horns. Very gregarious. Most of them have the ability to read your aura and tell you whether you're on the right path with your life. However, each of them has to discover his own way of reading. One I knew, much later, could only read you if you were in pain. Several run restaurants because they can read someone who's eating or drinking. This one had to watch a person having sex to read him. When he realized that I was well and truly on the game, he took me under his wing. Helped me set my prices and didn't try to take a percentage. And his girl, Anna was a real doll.

The night that idiot slipped me acid... I could see vampires. It was like I could look through the human and see the demon face. I dusted five and didn't injure any innocent bystanders so I'm fairly certain it was an accurate perception. The pretty sheep in Tottenham Court Road on the other hand were not. I was on my way back to my flat to let the poison work its way out of my system when I passed the pimp and Anna. He barely kept me from staking her. Got me home. And the next time I was out working he offered to take me to his main venue.

Certain vampires don't kill. They reason that if they don't leave a trail of bodies, the humans won't stake them. Certain humans tend to like mind altering substances or very edgy sex. Hence vampire brothels. They take half a pint from three or four willing humans a night. Their blood needs are met, and the humans get their high. I worked in the other half for a while. One night a month I'd let vampires bite me while screwing me. Trusted regulars. There was one with glasses that was hanging around Sunnydale while the Master was alive. Dalton? I think Spike or Drusilla got him." Giles tried to gauge the younger man’s reaction. It had been years since he’d discussed his past with anyone.

"Well, you answered my question."

"Still, er, flapped?"

"Oh, yes. And curious. Why don't more vamps do that? I mean why run the risk of Buffy dusting them when there are willing idiots?"

"Blood lust. They truly enjoy the kill. Angelus," Riley saw real hatred on Giles' face for the first time. "Angelus was famous for torture. Prolonging the kill for as long as possible. And having been on the receiving end, I can tell you he was very inventive. Most vampires are like that."

"What color's the window?"

"Clear. Nothing is melting either. Though I really don't want to go outside and look for pterodactyls."

"I figured I'd be sleeping on your couch tonight." Riley stared at his empty glass. "May I ask you another question?"

"Same restrictions. I know that Buffy and Xander and Willow are older than I was when I was on the game, but even with all they've seen I don't think that they'd understand."

"Did you tell the teacher you were dating? Sorry, none of my business. And that wasn't the question I wanted to ask."

"None of your business is right. Jenni was an adult. I told her all of it after Eyghon came back. She understood."

Riley poured two more scotches. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy being a rent-boy? No. But I moved up to being an escort and that - - when I was between relationships for too long I'd call the agency and work for awhile. Even after I was at the British Museum. A month or two a year at most. It kept me satisfied without a commitment. Now let me ask you a question." Riley nodded at him. "You were very sanguine about my bisexuality. Personal experience?"

Riley's eyes widened. He took a sip of cold tea. "Not in the sense you mean. The Initiative recruited from people who had been 'disgraced' in the military. Not the officers, but the non-coms were all people who'd been given a choice between a dishonorable discharge or collecting their pension and benefits by working with us. A good third were being discharged for homosexuality. They were for the most part good men, hard-working, and dedicated to their country. I never understood why whom they slept with had to be an issue."

Giles was a little surprised. He’d thought Riley was more conventional than that. "Power differential?"

"If one had to report to the other, it would bother me for that reason. Two people of the same rank doing the same dangerous job, why not let them find a relationship together. I admit I had to turn down a couple of propositions, but the ones who propositioned me took no for an answer.

Yeah, I was a little curious. But I was one of the few recruited to The Initiative who retained full military rank. A true believer hand picked by Walsh for my special skills. Then I met Buffy, and she's all I need. I just wish I was all she needed."

"So you do realize. I'm sorry." There was a good deal of sympathy in Giles’ eyes.

"Why? She can't choose whom she loves, and right now we're together. Maybe later, I'll be the one she wants with her forever. Or she'll dance on my heart in hobnailed boots. But right now is what's important."

Giles took another cup of tea. "Since you turned down the propositions I assume that you've never been attracted to men?"

"Not exactly. Again, I was one of the few at the Initiative who was regular military. So no was my only option. And the specific men who made the offer weren't my cup of tea. Or glass of scotch. The one thing about the psych degree, I had to work out some stuff as I was taking the classes. Like recognizing that my best friend in high school and I were probably more interested in each other than we were in our steady girlfriends. I certainly took more showers with him than I ever did with a girl."

"The joy of games. You certainly show more self-awareness than most of the American men I've met. I'd have thought you were the captain of the football team and dated the head cheerleader."

"Basketball and track teams, but I dated the president of the debate club. As I said, the understanding came later. At the time, I'd've probably killed myself before letting people think I was a faggot."

"'I love my dead gay son.'"

Riley stared at Giles. "Xander made me watch Heathers when I was home in bed with the flu last year. Since you've been prying tonight, I'm going to pry a little further."

"Go ahead."

"Besides your belated realization about your high school friend.."

Riley took another swallow of scotch and laughed. "Right after I was commissioned I got sea duty. The wonders of the modern military include video tapes. Which is good, because there is not a lot to do when you're off duty. A bunch of us were watching Thunderball, and the guys were talking about the Bond girls. And I realized that I thought Connery was hotter than either of the women. They were just ciphers, Bond was more."

"I remember that one. I was about 12 and more interested in the gadgets than either Bond or his ladies."

"A little while before I met Buffy, I went out on a blind date that Forrest set up for me. She wanted to see Shakespeare In Love and then complained when we went for coffee that it was 'too intellectual.' But I came out of that one thinking that I'd sleep with Joseph Fiennes before I'd sleep with Gwyneth Paltrow." Riley chuckled. "Those are really the only two."

"Are they?" Giles looked a little skeptical.

Riley met his eyes and downed the last of his scotch. "Tonight, there's you."

Riley didn't close his eyes as Giles leaned toward him. Giles stopped about half an inch from his lips. For a moment everything stopped, then Riley leaned in and completed the kiss.

The first kiss was soft and gentle, but the ones that followed weren't. Heat came off them both in waves as tongues dueled and hands roamed. The first time he felt Giles hands rubbing the bare chest under his shirt Riley gasped. Then he teased at Giles earlobe with his teeth and nipped his upturned throat.

Giles was astonished at how good the firm muscle felt beneath his hands. It had been too long since he'd had a lover and longer still since he'd had a man. Now he was remembering all the things he missed. Riley might have no experience with men, but there was very little hesitation in his touch. Especially the way he was rubbing Giles cock. Riley's thumb had found the ridge even through Giles' trousers and whatever else his fingers did Riley kept that thumb rubbing strongly through the fabric.

For a moment everything stopped. Giles and Riley looked at each other, panting. Giles stood and held out his hand, "Upstairs?" Riley clasped it.

When they got to the bedroom, Riley pulled Giles to him for a long kiss. Shirts came off and Riley was amazed at how sexy the soft hair of Giles' chest felt rubbing against his own bare one. They moved toward the bed and Giles pushed Riley down onto it.

Giles stood in front of Riley and took off his trousers. "I won't do anything you don't want."

Riley ran his hands up Giles naked thighs and then slid them back to grab his ass. "I want everything."

Giles bent over to kiss him and undid Riley's belt. They lay next to each other and Riley closed his eyes as he felt Giles' hands running over his body. A man’s touch was different, somehow. And Giles peeling the clothes from his body set him on fire. He opened his eyes when Giles pulled Riley to him and they rubbed length to length.

Riley's hands were everywhere over Giles body and his mouth and tongue followed. Giles had never been with anyone who was so patently an innocent and so obviously craving him. It was like having a horny Great Dane puppy in bed with him. And yet, it was also damnably erotic. Especially now. Riley had finally overcome his last hesitation and was nuzzling and licking at Giles' balls.

Riley heard Giles' moan and looked up. He saw a drop of pre-come forming on the cock in front of him and flicked it off with his tongue, which he then began to run up and down Giles' hard ridge. Every once in a while he'd swirl his mouth over the head and then he'd return to his ministrations. Suddenly Riley took Giles into his mouth, and promptly choked.

"Giles, tell me what to do."

"Do what you just did a little slower and just before I hit your palate swallow. It will let you take me deeper, if that's what you want."

The implied question was answered by Riley doing exactly that: swallowing as much of Giles cock as he could take in. He sucked hard and strong until he felt Giles tap his head. "I'm about to come."

"Good." This time Riley took only the head into his mouth, his tongue teasing the slit. One hand began a strong rhythm up Giles' shaft and he rolled Giles' balls in the other. The music of moans reached a crescendo and Riley heard his name carol through the room as the slightly bitter fluid spurted onto his tongue.

Giles pulled the younger man up to him. As they kissed he slid his hand down Riley’s body and stroked the hard cock between them. Riley came almost immediately, which was all to the good because now they had all the time in the world.

* * * * *

Riley had been awake for about fifteen minutes. Not that he’d had much sleep. Giles head rested against his chest one leg over Riley’s. Every few seconds another image would flash through his mind. Giles teaching him exactly how mind-blowing a blowjob could be. Riley’d said he wanted everything, and Giles had made certain that he’d gotten it. He thought about being stretched over the bed while Giles teased him with fingers and then Giles’ cock slick and warm inside him. Teased him for nearly an hour, until Riley’s babbling and begging and banging back on his length had finally convinced Giles to release them both. The sensations had been three stages beyond orgasm, and they’d both been ready to go again within minutes.

Giles was startled to realize the position he was in. Generally it was he who pulled his lover close into a sleeping embrace. Even more startling to realize that Riley was already awake. Giles really hoped this wouldn’t be one of those idiots who tried to regain their virginity the next morning. A few images from the previous night pressed themselves forward. Lord. He hoped that he hadn’t hurt the lad.

Giles leaned up on his elbow to get a better view and was troubled to see a darkness behind Riley’s eyes. His voice was tentative, "Good morning?"

"Great morning." Riley’s smile was warm and dazzling as he pulled Giles into a deep kiss.

"What time is it?"

"A few minutes before six."

"You’re awake early. May I ask why you were looking so pensive?"

"Well, if you’d awakened a minute or two earlier you’d have seen me grinning like an idiot remembering everything we did last night."

"Speaking of which, are you all right?"

"A little sore, but too happy at how I got that way to care."

Giles finally relaxed. He remembered the look of sheer bliss on Riley’s face as he’d entered Giles very willing body. They’d both been so hot to be fucked: burning to give and take. Giles couldn’t remember any night quite like it, certainly not with a virgin.

"Then back to my original question. Are you worried that you were, what’s Xander’s phrase? A closet case?"

Riley laughed. "If Gillian Anderson walked in here right now and said ‘Come on.’ I’d be ready. I love women. And thanks to you I’ve discovered that I love making love with men too. Which is new and odd and different, but it’s an addition not a switch. If that makes any sense."

"Perfect sense. It’s not easy, though. I remember once pounding my girlfriend into the mattress because I needed a man so much. And the opposite has happened too. It takes a very understanding partner. Or partners. The happiest time of my life was when I had a girlfriend and a boyfriend who liked each other; they’d coordinate around special occasions. But that’s rare. Rarer in America."

"How long had it been for you? Since you slept with a man."

"School librarian on a green card? I didn’t dare be caught with men, which boils down to over five years. Something like you and the military I suppose. Is that your worry?"

"No. I cheated on Buffy. I have to tell her and explain that I’ve discovered this big new part of myself. That sounded wrong."

"Do you think you need to tell her?"

"Yes. Though I’ll probably wait a few days while I figure out what this means to me and what I think it means to my relationship with her."

"So is this our only time together?"

"That was my other worry. I’ve never really had a one night stand. I’m glad that we made love last night, but I think I have to let Buffy make the choices about our relationship. Which means I’ve been very unfair to you."

"No. Look, the only person who knows this is Willow, but I’m preparing to leave Sunnydale in about six weeks. And I knew you were in a relationship. I expected nothing beyond tonight. Though I must admit, I expected tonight to last longer than not quite six a.m."

"I’ll be sorry to see you go. And not just because of this. You’re a good man.

Giles, once I leave this apartment that’s it. At least until I’ve tried to make it work with Buffy. But nothing says I have to get up and go home right this minute."

Riley sounded so hesitant that Giles nearly laughed. As he captured the willing mouth for a long kiss Giles whispered, "Nothing at all."

END